Black sheep bride-to-be uninvites her family from her wedding after they all give lame, fake excuses to bail on their engagement party: 'It felt good to be free'

Author image for Jesse Kessenheimer
Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Apr 20, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

Holding a door open indefinitely makes your arms tired. Similarly, with family members who refuse to meet you halfway with a cordial relationship, keeping the door open to an amicable, close family relationship gets exhausting. This woman knew she was the black sheep of the family her whole life, yet desperately and passionately, she hoped that she could be close with her siblings and her parents. 

After years of them making lame excuses to miss her life events—like her birthdays, college graduation, and every huge milestone—she was at the end of her rope. Alas, in a last-ditch effort to stay close with them, she invited them to her engagement party, hoping they'd be happy to share in her joyous marriage. 

Keep reading to see how their lasting disappointment actually freed this woman from their shackles, allowing her to live her life without worrying about her family ever again, because they made it so clear that she wasn't one of them. Luckily, she has a new family to lean into: Her chosen family. 

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  • AITA for not inviting any of my family to my wedding and replying that I knew they'd be too busy when questioned about why?
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  • I (27f) am the youngest in a family of five. My siblings are 10+ years older than me. We're all full siblings too. I was the accidental pregnancy that happened when my parents were done having kids. I have often
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  • questioned if because I was accidental pregnancy, they never really wanted me and therefore we've ended up here. But of course nobody ever said that to my face. That's just where my brain goes.
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  • There is a repeated pattern of everyone having plans or being busy when it's my birthday or something important happens in my life. With my siblings I
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  • understand more. We were never close and they never pretended we were or that they cared. It's different with my parents. Some examples I can mention;
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  • - I had a joint 16th birthday party with my best friend. I was 16 that Friday, she was 16 that Sunday and the party was Saturday. My best friend's parents paid for both of us. Even invited my whole family. My
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  • siblings never replied which I took to mean no. My parents said they had other plans even though they never told me that before when I had asked them about the party.
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  • They never said it when I originally invited them either. They said my siblings would come to make up for it but they told our parents they had important jobs they couldn't get away from on a Saturday night.
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  • - For my 18th birthday I invited them out to a family dinner. My siblings said they were all working that weekend. My dad said he was going to be in hospital after a procedure he never mentioned
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  • before and he didn't actually have in the end and he wasn't in the hospital, though he did go somewhere that night. My mom said she was visiting her sister and couldn't get away. None of them had other dates they could say they'd be free.
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  • - My 21st was the same. Only my parents said they would come and they didn't. They all had medical/dental stuff going on.
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  • - My high school and college graduation were two events where everyone had "medical appointments" and could not reschedule to come.
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  • I started going to therapy a couple of years ago to help me navigate how I felt about everything. My original therapist was really good but she had to leave due to illness and I struggle with my current one.
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  • She has encouraged me to keep trying with my family and to always be open for them to return my efforts. She said it's important to never give up on family.
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  • I was reaching the end of my rope when my fiancé and I got engaged. Especially with how close I've become to my future-MIL. I was talking to him about how I didn't know if I should invite them to our
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  • engagement party or wedding and how I didn't want to but a part of me felt like I had to because of the therapist. He suggested I make one more attempt by inviting them to the engagement party and if none
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  • of them show up, I can say I tried over the years and even gave them one more chance but I have to move on for my own peace of mind and our future kids. He said then we can get married knowing I had giving them more chances than most would.
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  • Nobody showed up to our engagement party. Everyone had medical appointments from 8pm until late on a Friday night. My whole family. Both parents, all four siblings and their partners and kids.
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  • I did what my fiancé suggested and decided I was done. It felt so good, still feels so good. But they found out invites went out and I was asked why they weren't invited or given info on the wedding. I told
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  • them I knew they would be too busy and didn't want to inconvenience them by having to explain all the important stuff going on in their lives that prevented them from coming to my wedding.
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  • There was some backlash from my text before I blocked them. It felt good to be free. But then my therapist was saying my wedding was a big thing to not invite them to and did I really want to close the
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  • door forever and be the kind of person who doesn't value family. For a while I have considered if I need a different therapist. My fiancé believes so from what he's
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  • heard from me. But I don't know if that's just because he's so protective of me or if the therapist is right and I'm being an a and she's trying to stop me from being one. AITA?
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  • Sassy-Peanut Your 'therapist' has accused you of not valuing family - when for most of your life your family has never valued you. I cannot imagine the pain your parents and siblings
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  • have put you through over the years. They don't deserve you so start valuing yourself the way your fiance appears to and make a new family with him. And fire the crappy therapist.
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  • Dresden_Mouse Tell them you handed the invitations at engament party
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  • Eastern_Condition863 NTA. Arms get tired from holding doors open forever. It's okay to put your arm down and let the door just close naturally. They see the door closing, but they aren't
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  • running over to keep it open either. Time to let them go. I think inviting them one last time to the engagement was a good last step to say that you have tried everything.
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