'Mothers are unique, you either have one or you don’t. Wives can be replaced': 36-year-old dad says he prioritizes his mom 1st, kids 2nd, and wife 3rd, claims his wife is overreacting when she considers divorce over that

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Apr 29, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

It's easy to fall into fantastical thinking patterns. I recently got into the habit of letting my imagination run wild, imagining all sorts of horrible situations, including but not limited to my friend's funerals and humiliating public rejections. I eventually had to force myself to stop engaging in this line of thinking because it was so upsetting and offered no real benefit to me. What makes these scenarios so compelling and tempting to contemplate is that they are built on a foundation of truth. I do fear losing my friends, both as friends and as living, breathing people. I don't want everyone in my social circle to see me at my lowest moments. Most of these speculative fantasies are not so fantastical that they could never happen; if that were the case, they could never inspire such a strong emotional reaction. However, the enticing nature of "What if this happened in the most cinematic, horrifying manner?" wears off pretty quickly.

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  • The dad/husband in this story answered a question publicly that should only be answered inside one's own head, if at all. When an Instagram video asked if he put his wife, mom, or children first, he had the wrong answer. 

  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10500048128
    via Peter Dlhy

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02

    AITA for considering divorce because my husband said I’m “replaceable”?

    Hi, I'm a 32F and my husband (36M) and I have been married for 7 years, together for 10. I fell in love with him at first sight, but it took him a while to develop feelings for me. Eventually we got married, and overall, we've had a happy marriage.
    via u/Neither-Ad-345
  • 03
    Two days ago, I was scrolling through Instagram and came across a video asking: "Who comes first: your mom, your wife, or your daughter?" I was curious and checked the comments and I saw my husband's.
    via u/Neither-Ad-345
  • 04
    Cheezburger Image 10500048640
    via Jonas Leupe

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    He wrote: "Of course my mom comes first because she raised me, then my daughter because she's my child, then my wife because you can't replace your mom or your child."
    via u/Neither-Ad-345
  • 06
    It felt like a knife in my heart. This is the man I've given years of my life to, my love, my effort and he sees me as the replaceable one. I couldn't stomach it. I brought it up and it turned into a heated argument. At one point, he said: "Mothers are unique, you either have one or you don't. Wives can be replaced."
    via u/Neither-Ad-345
  • 07
    So I said, "Then maybe it's time for a change," and I left. Now I'm seriously considering divorce. I've scheduled a meeting with a lawyer. He's been calling me nonstop, saying I am overreacting and taking it too far. So, Reddit, AITA for not being okay with being seen as replaceable?
    via u/Neither-Ad-345
  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10500049920
    via BETZY AROSEMENA

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 09
    MuttFett The real problem is he said his mom comes first ahead of his daughter.
    via u/MuttFett
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    New-Host1784 I remember my sociology teacher posed this question in high school (if your mother, child and spouse were drowning, who would you save?) and he said he'd save his mother over his child and his wife. His argument was, "You can have another child and spouse, but only one mother." Our class argued with him for the rest of the period that the child should come first. I remember telling mom about it that night and she told me that if I saved her over my child she'd be so ped at me.
    via u/New-Host1784
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    Petrichor_ness We had a similar question in college sociology but it wasn't about saving anyone's life, it was just who comes first. We were taught the bond between spouses should be the strongest because if you do your job right, the idea is the child will grow up and
    via u/Petrichor_ness
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    build a life on their own. The spouse should be with you for the rest of your life. But then again, the only one in my family growing up mum ever loved was the dog (as she constantly told me) and I don't have kids, so what do I know. Pretty sure I'd pick the toaster over my mother though!
    via u/Petrichor_ness
  • 13
    tigerofjiangdong 1337 Yes! I consider my daughters above my wife. She agrees with me. She considers them above me. I would never put my parents, friends or anyone else above my life partner.
    via u/tigerofjiangdong1337
  • 14
    My wife is not replaceable. If she d_d, my world would be torn apart. Even after I learned to live with my new reality, even if I dated again, that new person would never be a replacement. Pets aren't even replaceable ffs. You can love another one for sure but never replace them.
    via u/tigerofjiangdong1337
  • 15
    CatWeasel1 It might be the issue that your husband was stupid enough to comment in the first place.
    via u/CatWeasel1
  • 16
    MarionberryOk2874 I was thinking this too. It's a 'gotcha question, best not to dignify it with an answer.
    via u/MarionberryOk2874
  • 17
    nigel_pow Yeah it's so dumb. But what's worse is that he doubled down.
    via u/nigel_pow
  • 18
    CozyBvnnies Well... if you are so replaceable, he should be ok with you exploring your replacement options too right? NTA!
    via u/CozyBvnnies
  • 19
    Simple Assumption577 ΝΤΑ He told you where you stand, believe him
    via u/Simple_Assumption577
  • 20
    Working_Coat5193 Yessss! Believe people when they show you who they are the first time.
    via u/Working_Coat5193
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    SayuriKitsune I would divorce a man who says that about me. Mum loves you because its your mum, kids love you because you are their parent, but your spouse love you for who you are, they had chosen you.
    via u/SayuriKitsune
  • 22
    ShoddyIntrovert32 She did say that he had no feelings for her, and it developed over time. He settled for her. Probably no one else liked him, because he's always been a mommas boy? The point is, she loved him to start with. He did not love her in the beginning and probably still doesn't, but likes her enough to settle with her.
    via u/ShoddyIntrovert32
  • 23
    MarionberryOk2874 Such a great point. Maybe you should prioritize the one who's with you by choice?
    via u/MarionberryOk2874
  • 24
    wheretheroadtakesyou My husband treated me the same. But I was even further down on the list. He replaced me after 20 years. Get out now
    via u/wheretheroadtakesyou
  • 25
    Candid-Quail-9927 There has to be more. This tells me there are other actions in this marriage that have made OP feel and know she is not supposed or valued.
    via u/Candid-Quail-9927

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toxic relationships relationship marriage kids mother wife relationships husband dad mother in law mom married toxic relationship children Father family drama
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