50-year-old refuses to forgive his father for badmouthing his late mother and swindling him out of his $16K inheritance when he was 25-years-old: 'His sister is now asking me to forgive him'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
May 1, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

It's difficult to accept that you'll never get back something that was stolen from you. If your best friend stole $500 from you and refuses to pay you back, you might think for one solitary second that if they just apologized, admitted they were wrong, and paid you back in full with interest, your relationship would totally go back to the way it was. But in reality, that is probably not going to cut it. The $500 itself is incidental: the main thing that was stolen from you is your trust. Forgiveness must come from a place of genuine understanding and trust that they have changed. If that hasn't happened, you're likely to always be at least a little on edge with this person. That's especially the case if they don't take any steps to repent or apologize for their actions, which is likely to be the case in most fraud incidents. 

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  • The son in this story is never going to get the inheritance money that his dad stole from him back in 1999. While he might be out $16K plus interest, he can still protect his peace, and that's exactly what he's doing by not forgiving his father for his litany of misdeeds. 

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    via Daria Trofimova

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for not forgiving my father after he stole my inheritance?

    It's 1999, my mom passes away from liver cancer. I'm 25 years old, single child, wet behind the ears and gullible. 80% of my mothers estate at the time (about $16000 but we're not in the USA) pays out to me. My dad says due to
    via u/FrikkkieZA
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    my moms deteriorating mental health they never had time to change her will, the money should have come to him, can I pay it over to him. I agree, because one is supposed to trust your parents.
    via u/FrikkkieZA
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    Fast forward about 5 years and one brief failed marriage later, he finds himself a nice Russian bride. The dynamic changes and he badmouths my late mom at every BBQ etc., and his new wife is the best thing ever.
    via u/FrikkkieZA
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    I move cities, get married, start a family of my own. We chat on the phone once a week or every two weeks but don't see each other for years (8 years to be exact).
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    Him and the Russian bride come and visit once, borrow my truck to go to a big national park. I gave it to them with a full tank of diesel, I got it back empty, with the light on.
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    In 2023 he sold his house and moved to Russia with the bride, I'm not sure if he invested the house's money locally or if he moved it to Russia, I suspect the latter so that the bride has easy access to it when he falls over.
    via u/FrikkkieZA
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    via Egor Filin

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    My (now late wife) falls ill and passes away last year. I send a message to everyone after she passed away with all the funeral details and what happened. My dad's response "Oh now that's bad news". He doesn't bother flying in for the funeral service or anything. He messages me a few weeks later, asking if she was cremated or buried? Like w.t.f.
    via u/FrikkkieZA
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    I speak to his sister (a highly educated P.hD with many law degrees etc.). We speak about my moms passing and the similarities to what happened to me. I mentioned the inheritance. She freaks out, she (being legally qualified) helped my mom with the will in the hospital before she passed away as she knew my dad
    via u/FrikkkieZA
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    would be a about the money. I confront my dad about the money, 25 years after he swindled me out of it. he denies it, then tries to claim the amount was 10% of what it truly was, and with every lie I bring out what I remember to be the truth, along with evidence. Eventually I tell him never to contact me again, and stop answering his messages.
    via u/FrikkkieZA
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    He tries to message me once a while, but it's more and more random. Turns out that it looks like he has early stages of dementia.
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    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    A few months later some distant family contacts us, asking why I have no contact with my father, because he reached out to them to talk, and he 'seems lonely' (we suspect the bride leaves him alone at home because with dementia he is a handful and she doesn't want to deal with him).
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    We tell them what happened and they understand. As time passes, his sister is now asking me to forgive him for what he did and to free my soul from these shackles (as she calls it).
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    My reply was from the series Billions "Hate is nature's most perfect energy source. It's endlessly renewable." I have no urge to forgive him, but AITA for not forgiving??
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    whoneedsaverage NTA He took advantage of you in a very vulnerable state. You don't have to "forgive and forget" that. Especially since he has zero remorse. Anyone who can't understand that because "he's family", I'd ask if they would be ok with someone stealing $16k from them.
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    FrikkkieZA OP ...and this was 16k in 1999, imagine compounded with growth what the value would be now..
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    portezbie Your aunt wants you to forgive him because she knows his wife isn't going to take care of him and she's afraid she's going to get saddled with him. You can tell her that forgiveness requires restitution. And if she wants to do that on his behalf, by all means. My guess is she goes silent really fast.
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    HotSalt3 I'd be surprised if restitution would be enough in this situation. If it were me I'd be less concerned about the money than the lack of remorse from the manipulation and betrayal. The money is significant, but it's not the primary harm done to the relationship.
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    Arorua_Mendes NTA. You are not shackled by unforgiveness but simply holding someone accountable. Your boundaries are valid. Forgiveness works when someone acknowledges their wrongs your father has not. He exploited your trust at your most vulnerable moment. Your aunt calls it shackles I call it consequences. Would forgiving him bring you peace or just comfort others?
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    _Amelia-blossom Absolutely. You're not bitter — you're setting boundaries and protecting your peace. Holding someone accountable isn't the same as holding a grudge.
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    FilthyDaemon A little bit, but only to yourself. But let's dig in a bit; what do YOU think forgiveness means? Do you think it means you have to forget what happened, open your heart and your arms, and bring him back into your life, possibly into your home, and act as if nothing happened? Because that's not forgiveness. That may be the actions of some people who choose to forgive, but it's not a requirement. What forgiveness is, actually, is letting yourself let go of the hurt that person caused
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    and taking away their power over you to continue to hurt you. It's saying "this is who you are as a person, this is what you did, and you no longer have the power to have any say in my feelings or emotions." You can put the bricks they handed you down, and you don't have to pick them back up again. People think forgive means to condone, but what it really does is free your emotions so you have the energy for the people and things you care about. Evict the people living rent free in your head (yo
    via u/FrikkkieZA
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    HeartoRead My biological father never stole from me that I know of but did some equally heinous things and for the longest time everyone in my life when finding out I was no contact would argue that I need to maintain a relationship because I would regret it one day. It's been about 10 years and I'm still doing okay lol not a single regret yet. On the upside, his most verbal defenders have gotten some of his treatment and are now on my side also cutting him out. If I can just get my brother out
    via u/FrikkkieZA

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