Husband demands that his wife get rid of the cats they've had for years because suddenly, they're "bothering him", warning that he'll leave her and their 2 children if she doesn't: 'He says I don't respect him [and am] "challenging him"'

Author image for Mariel Ruvinsky
Mariel Ruvinsky • Writer and Editor
May 9, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

Cats are family. Adopting a cat is a commitment for life. You do not just get to abandon your cat or toss your cat away like it's nothing when it is no longer "convenient" for you. There are real reasons - worthy reasons - for rehoming a cat, but it cannot simply be: "he's bothering me now, after we've had him for years". If you are going to be like that, then maybe you should not be adopting a cat in the first place. 

And sadly, that is kind of what seems to have happened in this story. Suddenly, after years of having these two cats, this woman's husband told her that he wants to get rid of them because they're "bothering him". She said no, of course, and kept standing on that… until he told her he'd leave her if she did not, which made her question herself and turn to the internet. It's a good thing that the people of the interwebs sill have some sense in them.

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  • 01

    "[Am I wrong] for refusing to get rid of my cats?"

    "He does't want them anymore... saying he might leave if this continues"
    via Unsplash / Fuu J

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02
    IF(30) have been married to my husband M(36) for 7 years, we've been together for 9. We met in college as classmates (it was his second bachelor hence age difference) and started dating after knowing each other for about a year. In the first year of our relationship we took a cat together (his idea), as I have always had cats I was on board.
    via Aromatic_Orange5486
  • 03
    We I got accidentally pregnant when I was 23 and we were therefore due to have a baby, we decided to take on a second cat (my idea) to keep the first one company since we might have a bit less attention for it with a new baby, and I've read research where it states it's better to have two cats then one for their mental health.
    via Aromatic_Orange5486
  • 04
    We had our baby, and 2.5 years later another. We both work almost full time, with one day a week extra free to spend with our children, and so life is rather busy, with work, house hold tasks and taking care of our baby's.
    via Aromatic_Orange5486
  • 05
    Here comes the issue, my husband wants to get rid of the cats. I love my cats, I cannot fathom giving them away. Additionally, I come from a culture that sees pets as family and for it to be a big shame to abandon your pets; my husband comes from a different culture.
    via Aromatic_Orange5486
  • 06
    Admittedly the cats did cause us some nasty trouble that has led up to this, like they've been urinating on the couch in the past, but this problem seems solved now as they don't do this anymore ik unless something really upsets them, such as us going on a holiday; when they seems to have a bit of a relapse. The couch is covered by a waterproof cover to mitigate this problem and make clean up easier.
    via Aromatic_Orange5486
  • 07
    I have plain point refused to get rid of the cats, and each time issues come up with how they bother my husband with him saying he does not want them anymore; causing us to fight and him even saying he might leave if this continues.
    via Aromatic_Orange5486

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  • 08
    One common one for example is him complaining about the cat miawing at the door of the garden at night to get in. We go talking in circles here since we have made an agreement long time ago the cats would not be allowed out at night as they make so much noise and bother us and the neighbors. My husband goes out to the garden to smoke and they sneak out with him, however.
    via Aromatic_Orange5486
  • 09
    He then proceeds to be awakened by the miauwing, gets angry and expects me to open the door for them. I proceed to say it's his responsibility as he let them out, and he says he will not be watching the cats not to get out as that is to much for him and he wants to be able to go outside comfortably, and if I want the cats I should take responsibility for this and go open the door for them each time.
    via Aromatic_Orange5486
  • 10
    He says I don't respect him, he also mentions the term "challenging him", which I think is rather toxic. I say he's the one who doesn't respect me (and the cats), and even a roommate could watch for them not to go out when they open the door.
    via Aromatic_Orange5486
  • 11
    I am exhausted with us fighting about this, I have been in a burn- out not too long ago and I am afraid I will get back to this again with these awful fights where we just talk in circles and don't get any conclusion. So, am I the ah_le? And also, any advice is welcome.
    via Aromatic_Orange5486
  • 12
    EDIT: Thanks all for the comments so far! As for "keep cats get rid of husband", I love my husband too. Although we keep fighting about such issues and he is imperfect, he also has great sides too him:
    via Aromatic_Orange5486
  • 13
    he's a great, loving and present dad, he does 50% of cleaning, cooking, school pick ups etc., he never forgets my birthday, buys. me flowers, never critisizes my looks, is great in a crisis, interesting to talk to, open minded and pleasant to be around most of the time.
    via Aromatic_Orange5486
  • 14
    So although we do have these bad disagreements like this when I get very upset with his attitude and he can even be selfish, he can also be great and generous, he is most of the time, so it's not so clear cut. Also he is under a lot of stress due to our finances not being great at the moment, and him trying to find a better job.
    via Aromatic_Orange5486

  • Okay, so none of this looked good as we were reading through, so getting this extra little explanation helped. It's not quite as simple as saying: get rid of the husband, keep the cats. And while he's not being so great right now, it does sound like the cats are not the problem and like there are some underlying issues to deal with. Try to find ways to help him with those, and then, hopefully, the cats will not be at the forefront of his mind. 

  • 15
    Cheezburger Image 10501638912
    via Unsplash / Fuu J

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 16
    skppt This sounds like it's about more than cats. NTA, but he seems miserable. Getting rid of the cats probably wouldn't solve the underlying issue.
    via skppt
  • 17
    Aromatic_Orange5486 OP Yeah, I do think its about more than cats, there is certain other issues that keep resurfacing once in a while, mostly ones when i have said no to something and he wanted/wants it to happen. Also he is tire and stressed (financially we are not doing great and he's looking for a new job); but i am rather tired and stressed too so it's not a great smoothie situation we are in
    via Aromatic_Orange5486
  • 18
    FamiliarFamiliar NTA. Have you explored all options with your vet as to why they are peeing where they shouldn't? I had one doing that with both #1 and #2 and it turned out she was end stage kidney failure, she was only 10.
    via FamiliarFamiliar
  • 19
    Aromatic_Orange5486 OP I did go to the vet with them and they ruled out physical issue, it seems to be a stress/ territorial thing. There is a neighborhood cat that also comes to "spray" in our garden and the two cats of mine do sometimes fight amongst each other so it was a territorial issue. Now with feliway and a bit more of attention is got better. Also, when I was in the burnout I was not cleaning the cat boxes often enough, it probably contributed. We got an extra cat box (3rd one) and I c
    via Aromatic_Orange5486

  • We're glad to see that some people agree with our assessment. If it was a boyfriend, we'd say dump him, but since he's her husband and father of her two kids… try to work it out. There's a chance here that things will be okay. 

  • 20
    Cheezburger Image 10501639168
    via Unsplash / Fuu J

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 21
    Rredhead926 NTA. Pets are family too. If your husband is letting them out, then he should be responsible for bringing them back in.
    via Rredhead926
  • 22
    rapt2right NTA Pets are not disposable.
    via rapt2right
  • 23
    Boujee_Delivery NTA, pets are family too and if people decide to get pets, they need to do everything in their power to keep them, they are a long term commitment I cannot stand people like your husband who want to get rid of pets after having children! He should have considered that before having pets OR children
    via Boujee_Delivery
  • 24
    Raisin Toastie Get a cat door
    via RaisinToastie
  • 25
    iamthea sh le694 Your husband is being a big baby, real men don't abandon their families because the kitty meows wake him up.
    via iamthea*sh*le694

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