13-year-old lies about his mom having a new boyfriend so that his dad will take full custody of him, dad doesn't find out about lie until months later: 'She wasn't dating anyone and my son had lied about her mother no longer wanting him at home'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
May 9, 2025 8:00 AM EDT

When I was a kid, I knew I could never say something to my mom without my dad finding out immediately after. It kind of stinks when you're a kid because sometimes you really want to complain about your mom to your dad without her finding out (and vice versa). You feel like you can never have a secret that is just between you and your parent. 

Now that I'm an adult, I not only totally understand why my parents operated this way, but I'm very glad they did. It's not good to have secrets in your marriage, nor is it good to have a secret with your child that you're keeping from their parent. It's best to have everything out in the open within your marriage so you can take important steps together instead of navigating challenges on your own. What else is a marriage for if not sticking together? 

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  • Telling your partner everything is garden variety when you're married, but what about when you're divorced? Co-parenting presents unique challenges when it comes to communication, with a lot of divorced parents rendered unable to share basic details without a fight breaking out. That is how these parents have operated for far too long, and as you can see, it's having major negative consequences.

  • 01

    AITA for punishing my son for a lie he told months ago?

    I am a 32-year-old man and the father of a 13-year-old boy. He used to live with his mother and spend the weekends with me. But everything changed when, on one of the weekends he was supposed to spend with me, he
    via u/Dismal-ty
  • 02
    اللاحقة
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 03
    told me that his mother had found a boyfriend and that she didn't want him there anymore, so as not to interfere with her relationship. He cried and asked if he could live with me, and I, of course, said yes, he could.
    via u/Dismal-ty
  • 04
    I didn't question his mother, our relationship wasn't the best. My son's mother and I were best friends in the past, we tried to make it more than a friendship, and our son is the result of that.
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  • 05
    But it didn't work out; both she and I ruined everything trying to turn our friendship into a romance. After that, our friendship was never the same again, we only became cordial because of our son.
    via u/Dismal-ty
  • 06
    Cheezburger Image 10502979584
    via Gabriel Ponton (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 07
    When I called her and told her that he was going to live with me, she agreed. The roles were reversed and he started spending the weekends at his mother's house.
    via u/Dismal-ty
  • 08
    Months went by and, until then, everything was fine. But my mother is a very religious woman and she thought this was absurd. According to her, his mother should be the one taking care of him, not me. So she started badmouthing my son's mother to everyone, and, of course, my son's mother came to question me about what my mother was saying.
    via u/Dismal-ty
  • 09
    After a long time of treating each other coldly, we decided to meet up and talk in person about what was happening. This was all going too far, we had to think about our son's well-being and not about our past disagreements.
    via u/Dismal-ty
  • 10
    During this conversation, I found out that she wasn't dating anyone and that my son had lied about her mother no longer wanting him at home. She told me that she just respected his wish to live with his father. She seemed hurt by our son's lie.
    via u/Dismal-ty
  • 11
    I was worried whether I would believe her or not, but I went to talk to my son and he couldn't lie this time. He started crying and told me that he made up that story because he was angry with his mother and wanted to live with me.
    via u/Dismal-ty
  • 12
    I was angry, I hate lies. As punishment, I didn't let him go to his friend's birthday party and he started crying a lot. He couldn't play video games or watch TV.
    via u/Dismal-ty
  • 13
    Cheezburger Image 10502980352
    via Kelly Sikkema

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 14
    MissionHoneydew2209 It sounds like your son knows how to turn on the waterworks to his own advantage. ETA: NtA for punishing him. BUT definitely TAH for not telling your religious mom to put a sock in about you raising your own son, and bad mouthing his mother to anyone who would listen.
    via u/MissionHoneydew2209
  • 15
    _AnitaFierce OP your son played you both like a fiddle and got grandma to do his dirty work? Kid's got skills. punishing the lie is fair, but letting your mom trash talk his mother unchecked makes you an accomplice. Time to shut that down hard. NTA
    via u/_AnitaFierce
  • 16
    StandingGoat ESH - Not for the punishment, that's fine, but but you and the child's mother are not communicating enough to effectively parent the child. He's changing who he's living with and that'd not enough for the two of you to have a proper conversation?
    via u/StandingGoat
  • 17
    You're under the impression that your ex has a new partner who'll be part of your sons life and you don't find out more information? You're not stepping in when your mother starts badmouthing your son's mother around town? You don't see how that would ultimately negatively impact your son's life?
    via u/StandingGoat
  • 18
    beerncheese69 Also 13/14 is a tough age. His parents need to get their sh together pronto
    via u/beerncheese69
  • 19
    ZariaSweet Communication is key, but at 13, kids also make impulsive decisions. It's a learning curve for both the parents and him.
    via u/ZariaSweet
  • 20
    Tall_Confection_960 This. You didn't have a conversation with your son's mother when he said she was giving him the boot for her BF? Wth? And you let your mom trash talk your son's mother, and it's OK because she's religious? Your son sure knows how to manipulate you both because you don't know how to communicate or coparent. Now, you are punishing him years later for your parenting failures. You both need to get a clue.
    via u/Tall_Confection_960
  • 21
    MythicalAroAce $20 says the MIL was part of the reason their relationship didn't work
    via u/MythicalAroAce
  • 22
    Only-Wear7844 I'm betting she shamed the mom for getting pregnant as a teen out of wedlock and turned her precious boy into a victim who had his life ruined at 19
    via u/Only-Wear7844
  • 23
    library_wench YTA Not for punishing your son for lying, but for the absolute lack of curiosity you have about your son's life. How did you flip custody like this without the truth about the supposed boyfriend coming out? Do you never talk to your ex at all?
    via u/library_wench
  • 24
    Now that the truth is out, why are you not wondering why your son made the decision he did? I have a theory or two, but shouldn't you...yanno, TALK to him to actually figure this out? Why are you letting your mother get away with badmouthing your ex, to the point that it gets back to said ex who, it would seem, did absolutely nothing wrong? (Note: even if she did, it's not your mother's place to go spreading gossip to all and sundry. That's not good for any relationship here: you and your mom, y
    via u/library_wench
  • 25
    ToughGodzilla ESH But why did your son have to lie to have you let him live with you?
    via u/ToughGodzilla

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parents of teens boyfriend teens family drama teenager teenagers bad parenting parenting raising teens dad family mom Parenting Fail Parenting FAILS parents
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