Parents get upset with 19-year-old au pair for refusing to share her own food with their children: 'I get [paid] $196 per week'

Author image for Brad Dickson
Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
May 13, 2025 12:00 PM EDT

The worst part about being responsible for other people's children is the "other people" aspect of the whole thing. Just ask anyone who works in childcare, is a school teacher, or otherwise volunteers for any after-school programs. 

People just have very different ideas about how the caring of children should be done, and they feel very strongly about those ideas, adamantly sticking to them and arguing them even when they're completely wrong. And in a lot of cases. It becomes quickly apparent where a lot of children's behavioral problems come from when you meet the parents responsible for that child. 

Nannies and au pairs typically provide a service to people who have come to expect a high level of service in their lives, owing to their status and wealth. They're not used to being told "no," and they have a habit of transferring that expectation to their increasingly entitled children.

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  • 01

    "AITA for refusing to let my boss's kids eat my food?"

    In february, i (19f) arrived in the US as an au pair. If you don't know how the program works, basicaly you're hired as a nanny but you're not paid a lot (i get $196 per week), because the family gives you a place to stay and food (in their house), and they also pay for your studies (up to $500).
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  • Being an au pair especially presents a precarious situation. Not only are you responsible for other people's kids, but you can't really get away from those issues with the parents since, well, you're living with them. The parents, your “employer,” hold a significant degree of control over your life, being that they're directly providing some of the most important things for security: Food and shelter.

    With everything else going on here aside, these kids need to know that a “no” from an adult caring for them means no, and they're not entitled to other people's things. But, considering everything going on, this nanny needs to get out of this situation fast.

  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10504976128
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 03
    It was the only way i could afford to have the exchange experience, and i really wanted to take this chance, so i came. The two kids i take care of are great, we talk a lot and i already learned so much from them, the problem i have its with their parents.
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  • 04
    Since i arrived, they told me that i'm only allowed to eat the itens from one cabinet, nothing else, and they will only repleanish once a month, and they have cameras and will see if i try anything - i don't know if this is true but i woulndt steal anyway. In my cabinet they just put tortillas, a few canned vegetables, beans and mac ans cheese boxes. No snacks, drinks, cheese or meat, chicken, none of these.
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  • 05
    I talked with my agency here and they told me that the family is alowed to do that as long as they give me food, and i can try to match with another family, and wait for the process, or go back home. I don't want to give up so i stayed.
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  • 06
    But the food thing was really getting to me, so i started to use the money to put things in my cabinet. The problem it's that they are super healthy, and they don't let their kids eat Chips Ahoy, Pringles, beef jerky, stuff like that.
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  • 07
    I wasn't trying to eat in front of the kids on purpose. But i spend most of my day with them (when they aren't in their classes), and i get hungry, so i eat in front of them, and they started to ask me to eat too. My money doesn't get me very far, my parents have no way of helping me, and these snacks can last for days when i pace myself, so i just told them they would need to ask their parents for snacks cause i didn't have a lot to share.
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  • 08
    They did, and their mom blew up at me (in front of them), telling me that i had a lot of audacity denying her kids food inside her home, that if i ate in front of them, i had to share, and that i couldn't bring this kind of junk into her home. I couldn't really say anything in fear of her just dumping me on the street, but i told had i didn't have enough money to buy an amount that i could share with her kids, or buy healthier, and that i would really like to share mine if they shared theirs i m
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  • 09
    She said i was lucky she really needed a nanny and that's it. I told my parents about it and they thing she's wrong but that i am too for how I dealt with it, and for taking it out on the kids when it's not their fault. My AuPair friends also think AH for denying food to little kids. AITA? And WIBDA, if i kept buying junk even after she told me they aren't allowed in her home?
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  • 10
    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the ah le: (1) i eat junky snacks in front of the kids i nanny and when they asked for some and told them no and sayed they should ask their parents for it. (2) my parents and friends think AH for refusing to share food with kids when my problem its with their parents
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  • 11
    Cheezburger Image 10504976384
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 12
    • Pleasant-Thing-3239 4h ago I was reading an article the other day about how nannies are in such short supply. I would leave that family and find another. You're young, on a visa, and think you have to let these people treat you however they want. That's so far from how it should be. $196 a week? That breaks down to, what, $2 an hour at the end of 6 days. You're not the a hle. You're just working for a h_les. And your agency is run by
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  • 13
    Papa... ⚫4h ago Edited 2h ago Get out of that place ASAP. Any human being who doesn't provide a person living under their roof (employee or otherwise) with fresh food (you say you only get tinned options) and then gets revved up when you don't share snacks that you have personally paid for on your poor $2 an hour salary - snacks that she doesn't even
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  • 14
    endorse her kids to eat - is a huge red flag. Actually, it's hundreds of red flags waving all at once. Get out. Get out now. There's a massive power trip going on and it's not going to get any better. This isn't a AITA post. This is a AIBA - Am I Being Abused post - and YES ... this is abuse.
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  • 15
    catskilkid 4h ago • You need to request a new assignment from your agency. There should be NO issue with a new assignment. Also let the agency know about this family so anyone else coming will get the low down on this horrible woman. They are looking of child care but really are looking for slavery with extra steps. Get out, this woman will not change her tune.
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  • 16
    EmceeSuzy 4h ago You are NTA but since your agency will not help (which is a disgrace) you need to leave. I am surprised that a diet of nothing but shelf stable foods would be considered appropriate. That tells me that your agency is garbage.
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  • 17
    Ok-Complex-3019 • 4h ago You absolutely need to get another family or go back home. It is sick they only allow you the bare minimum of food.
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  • 18
    izzy_cee 4h ago You should post in the au pair subreddit, they'll have advice for you. From my understanding on browsing the au pair subreddit, the family sharing their meals with you is the norm.
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  • 19
    SaturdaysaremyFav2 • 4h ago NTA. Either go home or find another family to match with. These people are taking advantage of you & it probably won't get better.
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childcare karens au pair entitled parents nanny parenting karens in the wild entitled karen children entitled people
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