'It is either going to be him or the cat': 28-year-old girlfriend torn as her boyfriend demands she rehome her 'one-person' cat after two months of feline friction

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Sarah Brown • Writer and Editor
May 16, 2025 3:00 PM EDT

When a cat mom and her boyfriend move in together, things start off mostly pawsitive. But one sassy cat named Daphne isn't kitten around. She's a classic one-human feline, full of sass, swats, and side-eyes for anyone who isn't her chosen hooman. While her brother Frank is a meowdel citizen, Daphne hisses, growls, and throws major cattitude at guests, especially at the new man of the house.

He's a dog person who whistles, pokes, and prods, then wonders why Daphne's claws come out. She's more hiss than harm, but their purrsonalities just don't mix. He wants peace in his castle, she wants to nap in peace. She wants space, he wants her rehomed.

Despite efforts to bridge the pawlitical divide with tuna bribes and YouTube cat experts, her boyfriend refuses to believe in feline diplomacy. Now her hooman is stuck in a tail-spin, torn between her purring soul-cat and a partner who won't play nice.

Is there any chance for harmony? Or is it time for one of them to pack their litter box?

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  • 01
    'I feel like it's not too high a bar to ask an adult man to be more mature than a literal cat'
    via By selene2303 from Pixabay / Canva

    Disclaimer: This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    My boyfriend 33M and I 28F recently moved in together on March 1 after two years of dating. Everything has been going..alright. We both like things certain ways so there's been growing pains here and there with compromises on each of our parts.
    via u/kelzium
  • 03
    What we haven't agreed on since the move is my cat, Daphne. I have two cats. One of the cats, Frank, is a very nice boy. Super skiddish and scared of loud noises but I've never seen him hiss or be mean to anything or anyone. My boyfriend and Frank have been getting along very well.
    via u/kelzium
  • 04
    Daphne is another story. She has always been that "one person cat" and I'm her person. She tolerates everyone else. If we have guests over she will hiss at them and growl. But she never attacks them unless guests go up to her to pet her without her consent. Which happened the other day. My friend came over and she tried to pet her and she hissed and swatted and meowed raged then ran away. My
    via u/kelzium
  • 05
    Cheezburger Image 10505991168
    via By Nadiye Odabasi from Pexels / Canva

    Disclaimer: This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 06
    boyfriend says that he does not want our guests to be afraid of the cat. I just know that Daphnes anger is based from fear and she is really just overwhelmed with new people. So I let people know not to interact with her and keep their distance and Daphne does the same.
    via u/kelzium
  • 07
    My boyfriend and Daphne have not been getting along. It has been a common argument over the months. He is more of a dog person and treats her like a dog. Pets her without letting her sniff him first. Whistles at her to try to call her over (doesn't work) He also makes fun of her and pokes and prods her when she is being hissy and standoffish.
    via u/kelzium
  • 08
    We were cuddling the other day and Daphne came up on the bed and he pushed her off because she likes to walk on me before settling. He thought she was gonna walk on him so that why he pushed her since he didn't want that. She came back and tried again and he really pushed her, she got growly and pissy and hissed, swatted at him and and ran out of the room.
    via u/kelzium
  • 09
    I've tried to explain to my boyfriend that not all cats are like dogs and some take longer to warm up to. They do not trust right away. He argues that Frank is a good cat and why can't we all live in harmony and get rid of Daphne. Ive tried showing him some Jackson galaxy videos but he says that that is my own biased opinion that I am shoving
    via u/kelzium
  • 10
    on him and does not want to learn because he doesn't believe it. He says that if he had a dog that growled and swiped at him that he would rehome the dog cause he respects me. I say that dogs are so different than cats and he has to learn how cats work.
    via u/kelzium
  • 11
    Well he has been trying to get on her good side - only by feeding them wet food at night. Nothing else. He has not tried to play with her (she loves to play) he has not tried to give her space. He says that it is his home and he has a right to feel at peace in it. He doesn't want to tip toe around the cat. Which I agree. I am just at a loss now of what to do because I've tried to help the
    via u/kelzium
  • 12
    Cheezburger Image 10505990912
    via By Hanna from Pexels / Canva

    Disclaimer: This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.
     

  • 13
    situation with positive reinforcement and learning videos but he is not wanting to put in the effort because he doesn't believe it will work.
    via u/kelzium
  • 14
    We got in another argument today and he says that something needs to change. It's only been 2 months though and I feel like it would take longer for Daphne to warm up to him. I just didn't know it would be this big of a deal. He doesn't want to ignore her either. I just don't know what to do because it would break my heart to rehome her and I feel like I
    via u/kelzium
  • 15
    would always have this guilt and animosity towards my boyfriend after the fact if I had to do that. Which I just can't do. He says he can't believe that I would disrespect him like that and not accomodate him in his own house by getting rid of her.
    via u/kelzium
  • 16
    I need some advice. What the heck can I do? How can I help this situation? Or is it unhelpable? TLDR: Boyfriend and cat do not get along. She is also a hard cat to get along with. Mostly bark and no bite but is just generally moody around everyone but me. It is coming to the point where it is either going to be him or the cat.
    via u/kelzium
  • 17
    Individual-Foxlike Daphne is 1) your dependent and 2) acting 100% normal for a cat. Your boyfriend is refusing to do basic research, refusing to respect nonverbal boundaries, and trying to pressure you into 'accommodating' him by getting rid of her.
    via u/Individual-Foxlike
  • 18
    You're 100% correct that you will resent him if you get rid of her. Your boyfriend is being an utter a h le, and if he wants to stay in your living space then he needs to pull his head out of his a The house is yours too, • and more to the point it's also Daphne's. She is communicating loud and clear in the only language she has, and your boyfriend wants to punish her for it.
    via u/Individual-Foxlike
  • 19
    Tell him to his face you will ALWAYS choose the cat, and he can either learn how to respect a cat or you will move out.
    via u/Individual-Foxlike
  • 20
    crindy- Immmediately the cat. No. question, no hesitation. Pets are not disposable, and this guy is displaying a ton of red flags with his behavior just in this snippet of info provided alone. If anyone acted this way with my dog, I'd be out the door within the hour.
    via u/crindy-

  • Cats aren’t instant noodles, they need time to simmer and settle! Daphne’s just pawsing to adjust. New humans are like new boxes: suspicious at first, cozy once trusted.

     

  • 21
    MicroBunnie You need to get rid of it. Then Daphne can take his space and enjoy her little life.
    via u/MicroBunnie
  • 22
    lapfarter I feel like it's not too high a bar to ask an adult man to be more mature than a literal cat.
    via u/lapfarter
  • 23
    Pipsnsqueek I don't like cats...at all, and even I can see the cat should win. You moved in together in March and it's ... alright. This is the sign for it's not alright. You were happier living by yourself. Stop trying to push a square peg in a round whole. This guy is not the one - as great. as he may be on other fronts - he is not << the one ». Even your cat knows it.
    via u/Pipsnsqueek
  • 24
    As you may be able to tell, I'm not a pet person, but I still believe the golden rule is that if the pet was there first the pet stays. Like your children, they should never take second fiddle to someone who came after them.
    via u/Pipsnsqueek
  • 25
    mangoserpent Your BF is basically bu ying your cat. I pick cat.
    via u/mangoserpent
  • 26
    WatermelonSuga... Choose the cat. Your relationship isnt the one or a healthy long term option if you describe living together as “......alright."
    via u/WatermelonSugar47
  • 27
    heavenstobetsie He's actively riling up the cat, not trying to get along. One of them needs showing the door, and it's not a cat flap sized one.
    via u/heavenstobetsie

  • Sounds like boyfriend needs a crash course in Cat 101. Not every feline is a Frank! Respect her boundaries, offer treats, and maybe earn her purrmission over time.

  • 28
    lusemyhands My husband is very respectful of my cat, we have been married 2.5 years and she's only recently begun trotting up to him to sniff his hand so he can pet her. Some cats take time. They take longer when being treated badly.
    via u/Iusemyhands
  • 29
    Equivalent-While... Cat is clearly showing you that he is not a worthy person to be around. You will find it out anyway, might be later than sooner. I would have never gave up any of my cats for a boyfriend. It's as simple as that. People who can't get along with animals are a HUGE RED FLAG.
    via u/Equivalent-While4434
  • 30
    Connect_Office8... He's your boyfriend, your relationship might not be permanent. Daphne is your cat, she's yours for life.
    via u/Connect_Office8072

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family drama drama pets fight family feud argument pawrents Cats relationships
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