32-year-old surrogate mother demands her 60-year-old mom stop acting as “grandma” to surrogate baby, Lily, and respect the real parents after weeks of social media posts and unwanted parenting advice: ‘She's been acting like she's Lily's grandmother’

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Etai Eshet • Editor
May 21, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

Some family trees have so many extra branches you'd think they came from a genealogy studies book, but this one just sprouted a whole new species of grandmother. The roots of this story lie in a modern, functional, boundary-accepting arrangement where a woman generously acts as surrogate for her husband's ex and his partner. Everyone is content, and baby Lily is loved beyond measure. 

Still, Mom enters the ring, seizing the surrogacy spotlight and apparently announces she's running for the title heavyweight championship of World's Most Enthusiastic Grandma despite not making it through the Qualifiers.

While everyone else is learning the difference between "supportive" and "overstepping," Mom is busy posting precious granddaughter tributes on Facebook like she's one step away from crocheting a "World's Best Grandma" sampler for a kid who, technically, isn't her grandchild. Forget surrogacy basics, this woman is running the full sprint to the moral finish line, wielding phrases like my entitlement is thicker than water and mistaking her daughter's pregnancy for a family timeshare.

Setting boundaries in a family is hard enough when the only thing at stake is who hosts Thanksgiving, but throw surrogacy and the confusing DIY DNA math in, and suddenly someone needs a full evolutionary documentary just to keep the roles straight. 

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  • "AITA for asking my mother to stop acting like she's the grandmother of the baby I was a surrogate for?"

    'She refers to herself as "Grandma"
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • My husband (35M) and I have been married for five years. Prior to our marriage, he was in a long- term relationship with his ex- husband, Mark (36M). They split
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  • amicably and have remained close friends. Mark and his new husband, Alex (34M), have been trying to start a family but faced several challenges with surrogacy.
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  • Given our close relationship, I offered to be their surrogate. I carried their baby, and everything went smoothly. The baby, Lily, is now six months old, and Mark and Alex are overjoyed.
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Here's where the issue arises: my mother (60F) has been overly involved. During my pregnancy, she was supportive, which I appreciated. However, since Lily's birth, she's been acting as though she's Lily's grandmother. She
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  • refers to herself as "Grandma," posts pictures of Lily on social media with captions like "My precious granddaughter," and even tries to make parenting decisions, like suggesting feeding schedules and sleep routines.
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  • I've tried to gently remind her that while I carried Lily, I'm not her mother, and thus, my mom isn't her grandmother. But she becomes defensive, saying things like, "BI d is thicker than water," and "You gave birth to her; that makes her family."
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • I recently had a more direct conversation with her, emphasizing that while I understand her attachment, it's important to respect the
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  • boundaries of Lily's actual parents, Mark and Alex. She was hurt and accused me of being ungrateful and denying her the joy of being a grandmother.
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  • Now, I'm torn. I never intended to hurt my mom, but I also want to respect the family unit that Mark and Alex are building. AITA for setting these boundaries with my mom?
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  • Embarrassed_key_4539 This is a weird one for sure. Are you going to have children of your own? Are Mark and Alex annoyed by your mom?
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  • bookworm-1960 ΝΤΑ It is important that she stop claiming to be her grandmother before Mark and Alex hit her with a restraining order or take some other legal action. Lily
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  • some other legal action. Lily has parents and grandparents, which does not include her. I doubt she has any grandparent rights regarding Lily.
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  • How is she getting pictures of Lily to post? Are Mark and Alex aware of and OK with pictures of her being posted?
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  • Large_Effective_812 NTA, but your Mom needs to see this baby less as she can't respect your position in this matter. This is one of the reason I suggest a stranger being a surrogate. I think you, your husband,
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  • Mark and Alex need to come up with a decision on how to handle this and Alex and Mark need to come up with the boundary on how to move forward. Do you have kids with your husband?
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  • Logical-Froyo-9378 NTA your mom is waaaaaayyyyy out of line, and honestly you were probably not firm enough with her. It'd be slightly less insane if you were also a
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  • donor, meaning she had some biological relation to the child. But considering that you were not, and purely the surrogate, your mom has completely lost her marbles.
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  • She needs to be no contact and no access to Mark, Alex, and Lilly. That is not your baby, it is not related to her, and she is overstepping by quite a bit here. It really
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  • S ks that she has turned such a beautiful and sweet gesture from you and your husband, into such a headache.
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family drama inheritance brother mother tradition siblings family feud favoritism wedding aunt in laws mother in law sister fiancé grandmother Father
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