Homeschooled 20-year-old gets into first relationship, faces criticism for 'pulling away' from mom: 'I avoid bringing him around my house because it's embarrassing'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
May 27, 2025 9:00 AM EDT

Despite it being the ultimate goal of the whole 'being a parent' thing, seeing a child grow up can be a strange and even unsettling experience for many moms and dads. It can seem like one day, you're changing their diapers, and the next, they are racing toward all those adult milestones that you were so concerned with achieving not so long ago. It's not uncommon to have those moments where turning back the clock seems like an attractive option.

Nonetheless, an important part of parenting is knowing when to take a step back and let your kids develop into the hopefully fulfilled and successful people that they are capable of being. It is a stage that some struggle with more than others, and it can easily cause issues with adolescent and young adult children. There is a stark difference between being concerned for their well-being and just being overbearing.

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  • 01

    AITA for not including my mom more in my relationship with my boyfriend?

    I (20F, almost 21) recently graduated college (I was homeschooled and finished early), and I've been dating my boyfriend (20M) for about a year now. We're really happy together, but my mom is upset because she feels left out of our relationship. Some context: my boyfriend and I have a very playful dynamic. We joke around a lot, call each other silly names, and roast each other-it's affectionate to us, but it's not everyone's cup of tea. My mom hates it. She thinks it's disrespectful and inapprop
    via The_colorpink07
  • 02
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    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • One recent college found herself struggling with this issue after tensions between her, her mom, and her boyfriend. She had entered her first relationship a year ago, and she felt like they were happy together and had a good relationship dynamic.

    However, her mom was full of criticism about this, and felt that her boyfriend was making her relationship with her daughter worse. On top of that, she felt uncomfortable bringing him to her family home because of a lack of privacy between her, her mother, and her brothers. The young woman wanted to know if she was in the wrong in this situation.

  • 03
    The truth is, I avoid bringing him around my house because... it's a little embarrassing. I have three younger brothers who don't respect my privacy and constantly insert themselves into my business. The bathroom door doesn't lock, the whole house smells like dog, and my parents argue a lot. It's not exactly the vibe I want when I'm trying to relax or spend quality time with someone I love. My mom recently told me she feels like I'm "pulling away" and that I've been leaving her out. She said she
    via The_colorpink07
  • 04
    On top of that, she's said some really mean things about my boyfriend (both to me and to him) just because she doesn't like him. That makes me even less inclined to involve her in our relationship. I'm an adult now, and while I love her, I also feel like I have a right to make boundaries. So, Reddit-AITA for not including my mom more in my relationship and keeping her at a bit of a distance?
    via The_colorpink07
  • 05
    Cheezburger Image 10510312704
    via engin akyurt

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 06

    People assured her that she wasn't the problem.

    morbid_n_creepifying In what universe is your parent supposed to be a part of your relationship with your sual partner? NTA and your mom is acting enmeshed, overbearing, and honestly gross.
    via morbid_n_creepifying
  • 07
    FairyGothMommy NTA. It's your relationship with your boyfriend. YOURS. She doesn't need to be "included" as it is not her relationship. And your dynamic is also just that. YOURS. Tell her to back off, because it's not her business.
    via FairyGothMommy
  • 08
    Careful-Traffic5851 I was homeschooled so I get where you're coming from. She's afraid that she's going to lose you as her child, and she is, and that's okay. I would suggest moving out tbh my life improved a lot when I did
    via Careful-Traffic5851
  • 09
    Gemzanity NTA and as a mum I find that really weird. It doesn't sound like she's even taken the time to try and get to know him
    via Gemzanity
  • 10
    Queen Sized_Beauty As the mother of a 24yo daughter, NTA. Your relationship has nothing to do with your mother. She shouldn't feel "included" in it because she's not part of it. It sounds like she's struggling to realize that you're an adult, but it also sounds like she's controlling and feels like her grip on you is failing.
    via Queen_Sized_Beauty
  • 11
    irunatightpirateship NTA NTA NTA Building healthy boundaries is a huge step in establishing yourself in your adulthood. Remember, boundaries are things we set for ourselves, not ultimatums we have for others. So, "I'm not going to discuss my relationship with you, mom. If you keep bringing it up I will have to change the subject/hang up/leave." Rinse, repeat. And you can remind your mom that her whole job was to raise you to be a functioning adult, and look how well she did. (Ok it sounds like y
    via irunatightpirateship
  • 12
    West_House_2085 Uhhh Why does your mother feel she needs to be involved in your romantic relationship? To me it seems disgustingly creepy! NTA
    via West_House_2085
  • 13
    Temporary_Fox7809 NTA. I'm going to say this as a mother of 2 fully grown children, your mother has no place in your relationship. Her job is to love and support you and it doesn't seem like she's doing that. Boundaries are super important.
    via Temporary_Fox7809
  • 14
    carol-c2 NTA. This is your relationship, not hers. As a 20yo you need to be pulling away from your parents and starting to develop your independence. That's the normal way of things. Set your boundaries and don't let anyone gaslight you into thinking that you need to 'share' your relationship with them.
    via carol-c2
  • 15
    definitelynotjava You're 21. It doesn't sound like you guys are talking about engagement or marriage yet. Why tf does she need to meet his parents? NTA
    via definitelynotjava
  • 16
    Organic-Willow2835 NTA. What you are doing is natural, healthy and developmentally normal. Your Mom has some maturing as a parent to do. We can't keep our children young no matter how much we want to. We raise them to be the people we hope they will become while helping them develop the wings to fly. Our job is not to clip those wings its to gently nudge them out of the nest. You are doing everything you are supposed to do. That said, instead of hanging out at your house with him which I get is
    via Organic-Willow2835
  • 17
    Sea-Refrigerator9188 As a mom, this is CREEPY....... wanting to know your child significant other is one thing. Wanting to be part of their relationship is just disgusting and creepy. You're not going to be part of that relationship. You will have your own unique relationship with the two of them as a couple that is different from your relationship with them as a parent. And you will have a different relationship with their significant other than you do with your own child. That's all acceptable
    via Sea-Refrigerator9188
  • 18
    peakerforlife NTA. Pulling away from your parents is just part of becoming an adult. Your mom is not part of your relationship with your boyfriend. You are your own person, separate from your mom. Your relationship with your boyfriend is your own. And it's not your responsibility to console her while you're pulling away. She's a grown adult and she can figure out how to cope on her own. She has a spouse, and presumably friends, she can talk to, and she can get a therapist if she needs to. This i
    via peakerforlife
  • 19
    12potatoricers Absolutely NTA. You're an adult, your mum doesn't get to be "involved" if you don't want her there. And if she dislikes him, why does she even want to?
    via 12potatoricers
  • 20
    NTA smallishbear-duck Your Mum is insecure and has unhealthy and unrealistic ideas of what a relationship with a young adult offspring should look like.
    via smallishbear-duck
  • 21
    LawyerDad 1981 She's upset that he doesn't follow her on social media? That's beyond hilarious. And sad. The sooner that your mother learns that her "place in your relationship" is "none," the better. NTA.
    via LawyerDad1981
  • 22
    AnneFromBoston Wow, your mom sounds like she's super jealous of your relationship with your BF. She doesn't belong in the relationship at all, unless it's with pleasantness and support for both of you. Just to give you a head's up, I went through years of therapy, mostly for issues with my father, but I also learned that my mother had what's called an "unseparated personality"-meaning in her mind, the two of us were blended. (Ex: When my father was ab ive to me, she told me it hurt her more than
    via AnneFromBoston
  • 23
    ΝΤΑ archetyping101 This isn't normal. She doesn't like him and wants him around the house? H | no. She doesn't like him but wants him to follow her on social media? Absolutely not. No one is entitled to be in your relationship, even your parents.
    via archetyping101
  • 24
    Rare-Progress5009 NTA Your mom isn't supposed to be part of your relationship. She's your mom, not part of a throuple.
    via Rare-Progress5009

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boyfriend family drama aita brother siblings relationships parenting family reddit thread Reddit mom
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