Husband takes money from wife every month to help pay for their mortgage, until she discovers he already paid it off and is taking her money for himself: ‘I was paying down a debt that didn’t even exist’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
May 31, 2025 3:00 PM EDT

If you haven't figured this out yet, or if you need a reminder, here it is–the most important key to maintaining a marriage is communication. If one of you, or even both of you, cannot or will not openly communicate everything with each other, in total honesty, your marriage will never last. 

It doesn't mean that you should tell your partner everything; they don't have to know what you ate for lunch today, or what you talk about when you go out with friends. But when a topic of conversation arises and you feel the need to lie, or even hide the truth, don't. It will lead to nothing but trouble and heartache. Just be honest, deal with the consequence immediately, and move past it together, instead of each on your own.

Finding out that your husband has been taking money from you to pay for your mortgage, when in reality the mortgage has already been paid off, can be quite devastating. Your trust in him might never be fully recovered, and honestly, who can blame you? He lied to you, and he took advantage of you, and that is not something easy to shake off and move past.

That is the story of the wife below. Keep scrolling to read the full tale.

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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for not paying the mortgage anymore?

    Hi everyone, My husband (40 M) and I (37 F) live in a home that is titled in his name only. We live/ were married in Texas. His parents graciously loaned us
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    parents graciously loaned us. interest-free money to pay off the mortgage and avoid paying additional interest. We have both been contributing $500 each per month to pay
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    them back. For a while now, I've been giving him money monthly to help "pay the mortgage/parents"—as | thought we were both contributing to our shared home and financial future.
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    Well, I just found out the house has been completely paid off-for a few months now... possibly before we were married. He paid it off without telling me, and has continued
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    to collect "mortgage payments" from me every month as if it were still active. We're been married for 7 months. We're supposed to be
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    a team. But he's kept a major financial decision from me and led me to believe I was paying down a debt that didn't even exist.
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    Am I overreacting for pausing future payments? Has anyone dealt with something like this before? Should I find out when he paid his parents off? It could have been before we were married.
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    TEN DOLLAR 2 2 13 All C TEN LLIU 50 147 30 CMERICT ZONGEHET G 55 H B Z 40 => 91 D M x v 8 O L * command option 4 O P CE/C 5 8 +19
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    It's not about the money. It's about doing right by me, him and the marriage. Would love your thoughts or any advice on how to move forward. Any questions leave in the comments.
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    Edit: I freaked out when he bought an ATV while I thought his parents were still owed the money. I am the kind of person that if I owe you money I am eating ramen until
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    it's paid off. I haven't been spending any money on myself other than my garden and I felt really guilty spending the money on dirt and plants. I have been
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    and plants. I have been spending the last few months feeling guilty every time I get a candy bar. I do not like feeling like I owe people money that have been very
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    good to me. It doesn't sit right with me. So yeah I freaked out when he bought an ATV. It finally came out. Edit 2: In addition to paying half of the mortgage since
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    2021 when I moved in, I also pay half of the property taxes, half of all major and minor expenses our water well broke and insurance required tree to be cut down and porch
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    rebuilt), dates, food. I also pay 100% of the following: home insurance, Internet, trash, TV subscriptions and general small household expenses (paper towels, toilet paper,
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    soaps, bed sheets, cleaners, batteries, etc.) I have also paid for a new exterior door (ours had a freaking rust hole that a raccoon could squeeze through), new deep freezer, and toilets. This is an almost
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    100 year old home. Toilets were a splurge but I had a problem with in a toilet that was already brown from hard water stains. He makes about $20k more than me.
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    He brought up prenuptials about 6 weeks before the wedding but TRULY I didn't feel comfortable signing anything that close to a wedding date while planning a wedding alone. I was stressed. I agreed to sign post nuptials at a later date.
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    jrm1102 NTA - Uhhh so hes just charging you rent essentially? Yeah you absolutely need to have a conversation with him about this.
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    DeepSeaFacial Sometimes I feel bad about being single while i scroll and sh then I read stuff like this and realize peace is the best option.
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    d4everman You're UNDERREACTING. I'd lose my sh over this. You're a spouse, not a tenant.
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    WaryScientist So the home is paid off and you contributed, but he hasn't offered to now put your name on the title? Plus he lied to you and continued taking your money? Oof. This man is looking to sow you over
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    stuckinnowhereville I would be out of this marriage.
    via stuckinnowhereville

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