35+ of the Freshest and Funniest Tweets of the Week (May 31, 2025)

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
May 31, 2025 11:00 AM EDT

Twitter is a fantastic waste of time, and I mean that as a compliment. We all need ways to "waste" or "time" every now and again. Isn't it ours to spend in the first place? Why are we acting like it belongs to someone else and we're spending it incorrectly? It was always mine and maybe scrolling through a bunch of jokes during my lunch break is exactly how I want to spend it. It's a free country after all. 

And when you're in the mood to fritter away those precious hours, Twitter will do the job perfectly. It keeps you engaged with its quotes and notes and hot takes and sound bytes. And it keeps you informed so you know what all the Zoomers at work are talking about and you'll never feel old. Plus, some of our favorite tweeters are on there. Like Cher. Don't know what I mean? Look up her tweets.

Add as a preferred
source on Google
Advertisement

  • But if you don't want to engage in the website itself, never fear. We have culled the best of the best from its swampy depths and are bringing it to you right here. Now all you have to do is scroll through them. That isn't so hard, is it?

  • 01
    Golf Cart Accident Attorney @Nick Cerveza Oh wow you can either put this in the oven for an hour or microwave it for 30 seconds. a tough one 12:34 AM 5/19/25 2.9M Views that's 156 16.8K 155K 2.9K ↑
    via @Nick Cerveza
  • 02
    Eli @rats7 never been to lowes because i live in an apartment so i went just to feel what its like. these tiles were only 30 cents so i grabbed a few LOWE'S LOWE'S 1:30 PM 5/23/25 521K Views → 71 1941 29K 644 企
    via @rats7
  • 03
    jon drake @DrakeGatsby "Your password has been compromised" you could hit me with a brick and I would not care 8:57 AM 5/23/25 100K Views 2 470 5.3K ☐ 63
    via @DrakeGatsby
  • 04
    ren @featureswifts me when i turned 2 Ruby Chicken Combination @plut.... 2d The idea of my age not starting with a 1 anymore 5:07 AM 5/19/25 5.1M Views ○ 78 15K 374K ☐ 3.7K ↑
    via @featureswifts
  • 05
    deedee megadoodoo @givemebudlight PSA GIRLS!! do NOT use nonstick pans when beating ur man. only use cast iron or stainless steel! wish i knew this earlier :( 4:00 PM 5/14/25 3.7M Views
    via @givemebudlight
  • 06
    melanie @mmmelanierose get u a job that understands u are always going to be like 5 minutes late . 11:37 AM 5/14/25 2.5M Views 281 12K 126K ☐ 3.2K
    via @mmmelanierose
  • 07
    UwUTangClan @Executivejeff1 got something of a Cinderella situation going on
    via @Executivejeff1
  • 08
    John Attridge @John_Attridge "Why don't you read the books you already own before buying new books" why don't you eat all the food in the house before going shopping? That's what you sound like. That's how crazy you sound right now 5:55 PM 5/14/25 1.4M Views 126 17 8.9K 71K ☐ 2.4K ↑
    via @John_Attridge
  • 09
    sehaj @sehahaj guys my boyfriend is so cute he made me a grievance portal for whenever i have a complaint MY HEART Grievance Portal, mouse As requested, you can submit your lame made-up grievances for my viewing pleasure Log in to your account: Senaj s Grievance Portai Username Password Title What's bothering you? Mood: Thank you, Sehaj Your grievance has been sent to Ishan He will get back to you very soon! (He will think about it) Severity 1:33 PM 5/13/25 5.7M Views 842 14K Submit Another 149K
    via @sehahaj
  • 10
    Clark Gable @ClarkGable777 I have a mechanic buddy in Texas who, inexplicably, charges me 1995 prices for his work. He sleeps in his garage and rebuilds engines on a pool table. He says he's never left the county. Every night he sits in a plastic chair and drinks beer and throws the cans in this pile Coors BI
    via @ClarkGable777
  • 11
    trash jones @jzux people in their late 20s and early 30s are like "this is my emotional support trip to japan" 2:00 PM 5/19/25 2.9M Views • 370 17 8.9K 86K ☐ 4.6K
    via @jzux
  • 12
    Victoria @Toriathenurse Two income household is literally the best so whatever you do in this life, make sure your partner has two jobs • 2:37 PM 5/19/25 1M Views • 230 16.8K 55K ☐ 1.7K
    via @Toriathenurse
  • 13
    85 Ocho Drinko @ochodrinko85 Every guy's wardrobe has a nucleus. A centerpiece, if you will - a top tier, A1 shirt that looks and fits better than the rest. The rest of the outfits are merely filling the gaps until enough days have gone by to wear the big hitter again. 10:53 AM 5/21/25 1.5M Views • 112 171.9K 40K 1.6K ↑
    via @ochodrinko85
  • 14
    cosie @cosieapplestar i woke up and there was a 5 in my hair? 7:18 AM 5/20/25 30M Views . 6.1K 43K 784K ☐ 20K 企
    via @cosieapplestar
  • 15
    Jesse Smith @JesseTayRiver Apparently my daughter feels like she'll "always be chasing the high" of a potato salad she had at a family friend's funeral 3 years ago 8:50 AM 5/20/25 2.9M Views 349 1 6.4K 162K 4.4K 企
    via @JesseTayRiver
  • 16
    mau @rllydu if i could read minds, i would use it to say your jokes faster and louder than u 7:11 PM 5/20/25 2.5M Views • 241 17 20K 169K ☐ 4.2K
    via @rllydu
  • 17
    baja @baja_my_blast You just had to be there man... yellow Wendy's was a better time GAUTY IS OUR A REC WENDY'S OLD FASHIONED Wendy's BARBECUE SA 10:52 AM 5/21/25 1.5M Views 574 12.5K righ WE HAMBUR 35K ☐ 650 企
    via @baja_my_blast
  • 18
    Greg the Sorcerer @gregthesorcerer Struck it big at a garage sale today 0791 WHOLE GAIN
    via @gregthesorcerer
  • 19
    Dip Wheeler ⭑ @DipWheeler when you tell the chipotle worker you'll be paying for your burrito in full. 3:01 PM 5/20/25 257K Views 38 17502 16K 233
    via @DipWheeler
  • 20
    treacherous swiftie #1 loml defender @lovermoree13 Parody account the concept of dropping out of homeschool jam @padmeaninaboo. 1d No, Hailey Bieber did not graduate from high school. She was homeschooled and dropped out at age 18. 9:31 AM 5/20/25 3.7M Views • 169 1 7.2K 217K ☐ 3.1K ↑
    via @lovermoree13
  • 21
    KGABO @lempapison My manager who is on sick leave looking at me (also on sick leave) when we meet at another company for interviews 3:07 AM 5/19/25 3.1M Views • 406 1 15K 256K 5.3K ↑
    via @lempapison
  • 22
    mau @rllydu i cant believe i get unsupervised computer time all day at work 4:12 PM 5/23/25.1M Views 27 tz 2.5K 45K 858 ↑
    via @rllydu
  • 23
    M1das @M1das_OW2 so they're just fat for the love of the game alright isabella @tivent 1.5/7/25 SEALS HAVE NO TASTEBUDS?? THIS IS SO SAD?????????
    via @M1das_OW2
  • 24
    the eliminator @infinite_bug is chatGPT down for anyone else? i'm a pediatric oncologist so this is kind of urgent 6:40 PM 5/23/25 528K Views 20 1 1.4K 21K ☐ 639 ↑
    via @infinite_bug
  • 25
    Trill Withers @TylerIAm That beer hit my hand on a Friday like Mjolnir 7:58 PM 10/6/23 107M Views . 179 15K 54K ☐ 8.4K
    via @TylerIAm
  • 26
    Maria @mlstrat friend of mine just told me a guy she was seeing abruptly ended their relationship after spending a perfect day together, and when she asked him why he did that he said "well when you put a dog down you try to give it one last good day" 12:19 PM 5/25/25 11M Views . 1.1K 17 8.5K 158K 14K ↑
    via @mlstrat
  • 27
    laila @falconsnat what if we kissed in the pedro pascelevator Pedro Pascal Nation @PedroPNation • 21h new promo for ‘materialists.' source: jimagraphy PEDRO Jascal 2 Materialists WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY ACADEMY AWARD NOMINEE CELINE SONG June 13 121
    via @falconsnat
  • 28
    Maliha @CaffeinatedLiha Bookstores are my personal Vegas. I walk in with good intentions, leave broke, and have no memory of how it happened. 4:02 PM 5/24/25 13K Views ○ 3 228 744 33 33 企
    via @CaffeinatedLiha
  • 29
    Luis Vercetti @97Vercetti me asking everyone how they like their burger before I cook them all exactly the same 9:36 PM 5/23/25 1M Views
    via @97Vercetti
  • 30
    Rhine Stoned Cowboy @BisqueBoi when my wife asks what I want to put in the stir fry DD 329 030 50117 PLU #4544 BOK CHOY BABY PRODUCT OF USA 84380147 300 107 010 V#015257 399 per lb
    via @BisqueBoi
  • 31
    blue ✔ @bluewmist to avoid burnout at work use the 30-30 rule: after 30 minutes of work, quit your job and disappear into the mountains for 30 years. 11:53 PM 5/26/25 2.7M Views 194 15K 120K ☐ 4K
    via @bluewmist
  • 32
    ella M✔ @blondehotcoffee STOP PUTTING DIARRHEA MEDICATION ON THE BOTTOM SHELF AT THE PHARMACY 10:08 PM 5/25/25.5.6M Views 361 1 5.5K 155K ☐ 3.9K 1
    via @blondehotcoffee
  • 33
    respectful huff @alexqarbuckle There are some names that are perfect. They hum with a resonance that connects us to divine truths and heavenly energies. “Regis Philbin” for example 5:42 PM 5/25/25 386K Views 91 718 13K 539 I
    via @alexqarbuckle
  • 34
    trash jones @jzux hey hater university just called. congrats valedictorian 11:21 AM 5/26/25 804K Views 61 13.3K 32K 1.3K
    via @jzux
  • 35
    Chris @citehchris wow i absolutely love your outfit the black really brings out the pet hair on it 11:59 AM 5/26/25 2.6M Views 195 17 13K 130K ☐ 3.2K 企
    via @citehchris
  • 36
    Pain @GiuseppeCrapps The Spanish-American war 9 DECECCO DECECCO LIMITED EDITION Co lite Lig LIGHT APPLE BUSCHO MODELD 12 FL. 02 • 6:14 PM 5/26/25 2.2M Views especial orona light 99 CALORIES A EQUIS X pecial CERVEZ Modelo Especial
    via @GiuseppeCrapps

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

women tweets funny memes fresh tweets relatable tweets tweets funny parenting tweets cat tweets viral trending funny tweets trending tweets parenting tweets animal tweets tweet random tweets funny
Scroll Down For The Next Article