"Unschooling" aunt hires 23-year-old niece to tutor her homeschooled 13 and 9-year-old children, doesn't like it when she's told that she's the problem: ‘She started crying, said she didn’t feel very supported, and hung up’

Author image for Brad Dickson
Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Jun 5, 2025 12:00 PM EDT

None of us likes hearing that we're the problem. Most of us would get immediately defensive and take a minute to come to terms with it. While others will never come to terms and outright object the idea, never allowing the realization that it might be true to seep into their ego. This is especially true when it's someone younger than you pointing it out, for example, a student whom you're teaching or a fresh-faced new hire who you've hired to help out around the warehouse, and of course, it goes doubly when that young person is a family member who you watched grow up.

The thing is: right is right. There's no sense denying or running from it. And that's not a way to go about the world, all closed off and unwilling to accept that you might not know or have been wrong about something. If you're never wrong (or refusing to accept that you are), you're losing the opportunity to learn new things, and that will have a knock-on cumulative effect that will put you way behind the rest of the world.

We like to think that with age comes wisdom, and that with wisdom comes intelligence. But that's not really the case. Wisdom doesn't really equate to intelligence at all, but neither can be attained without intentionality and effort. So, you might one day come to find that younger generations have caught up or passed you by and be left wondering what the heck happened and where time went. Where did that edge go? You're getting older, life is harder, and you no longer have the mental fortitude to keep up, and that just keeps spiraling. Anyway, the point is that this seems to be what's happening with the aunt in this story: she's closed off and unwilling to admit that she's wrong, which in turn sets her own children back. 

Advertisement
  • 01

    "AITA for calling my aunt neglectful because she doesn’t know why her son is behind in math?"

    This happened last year and I'm still on the fence about it. Names are fake. I (23F) was homeschooled in an online. program with real classes, teachers, etc, not your typical homeschool experience. My aunt Susan (51F) has three kids, this concerns her two youngest, Charlie (13M) and Leo (9M). She homeschools her kids. Very freeform, chooses her own curriculum, no standardized testing or real oversight. She complains a lot about how much work it is and how stressful and tiring it is. Sometimes th
    via Quiet_Snail
  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10514021120
    via Jessica Lewis 🦋 thepaintedsquare

    The image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 03
    Charlie is behind in math to the point he still doesn't know his times tables and even adding and subtracting is slow for him. It frustrates him a lot. On my mom's last call with Susan (on speakerphone) I offered to tutor Charlie to get him up to grade with math because he's interested in going to irl high school. Susan laughed it off and said "I don't know that he struggles with it, I think he's just behind, but I don't know".
    via Quiet_Snail
  • 04
    My mom and I were a little shocked. Susan then said she'd pulled him out of a more structured homeschool program in the past because she didn't like having to come up with work samples every quarter. I said that wasn't unreasonable and suggested that a more structured program would be better for him if he wants to go into irl high school. Eventually after a lot of back and forth where she implied my mom picked my program because she was uninvolved while she (Susan) wants to be an involved parent
    via Quiet_Snail
  • 05
    The next day I sent a text apologizing for my tone but made it clear that I think she needs to put him in a different program if she's not able to handle giving him homework and doesn't know why he's behind. I told her that I love her but I love him more and at this point this borders on neglect. And that she needs to let other people help her because she's harming them and risking her own health by trying to handle everything herself.
    via Quiet_Snail
  • 06
    She never responded. Later I heard from my grandma that Susan doesn't want to speak to me or my mom, see us, or have us hear about her life, basically that she's cut us off from her and the kids. My grandma said I shouldn't have said anything because Susan was hurt that "a child" critiqued her parenting. AITA for what I said and for pushing the issue?
    via Quiet_Snail
  • 07
    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a h le: 1. I told my aunt that not knowing why her homeschooled kid is way behind in math is bordering on neglect, and that she should put him in a different school program if she can't handle the responsibility. 2) I might be the a hole because I made her cry and might've overstepped since I'm her niece and maybe it wasn't my place to say anything.
    via Quiet_Snail
  • 08
    Go Abroad: Practice 6 wined popularity water of travelers in
    via Jessica Lewis 🦋 thepaintedsquare

    The image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 09
    Wasting AnotherHour ⚫ 7h ago . She's the type of parent that gives homeschooling a bad reputation. Her poor kids, especially Charlie as it currently stands, are the kind that end up filling the homeschool recovery sub. You probably could have found a better way to say it, but the message needed to be conveyed so I'll go NTA. Unfortunately, the way you presented it means that she's shut herself off from the people most in a position to help intervene on her son's behalf.
    via Quiet_Snail
  • 10
    MarionberryPlus8474 .7h ago NTA. IMO what your aunt is doing is a form of neglect. She is clearly incapable of home schooling her kids. I know parents who have home schooled and to do it right takes a LOT of work. It's not something you fit around working from home, depres on, or watching cat videos. Your average parent might have a subject or two they like and or/ are competent to teach, tops, without a curriculum and a lot of work.
    via Quiet_Snail
  • 11
    Many states have standards and requirements in order to home school (and sadly many don't). If you feel strongly about this see what the state regulations are where you live and see if the kids can get real schooling.
    via Quiet_Snail
  • 12
    Wonderful_Two_6710 7h ago NTA. She is failing in one of her fundamental duties as a parent: preparing her children for the real world.
    via Quiet_Snail
  • 13
    LongjumpingSnow6986 · 7h ago . Nta. She's mad because you're young and right and this started with you offering to help in an age-appropriate way. Embarrassing that the other adults in this situation won't intervene
    via Quiet_Snail
  • 14
    LanaKissesYou 6h ago NTA. Your aunt is scared that someone got higher intellect than hers. She's afraid that her kids will be more knowledgeable than her. Clearly, she neglect the right education for her kids. If she's giving it right, her kid won't be behind or won't be having a hard time,
    via Quiet_Snail

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

childcare family dynamics teens family drama aita AITAH kids brother sibling rivalry siblings moms family feud parenting dad family cute kids pregnant reddit thread parent Reddit raising kids Parenting Fail parents children Parenting FAILS
Scroll Down For The Next Article