Update: Parents ask 30-year-old to donate $15,000 that she didn't know she had to her 22-year-old brother for his schooling: 'I’d turned down opportunities because no help was available. I just wish I’d known'

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Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Jun 12, 2025 2:00 AM EDT

Life is never fair. And the fairness of each child's situation can be difficult to navigate as a parent. Every kid is different and has different needs, wants, and interests, and as a result, will have unique opportunities presented to them. Growing up, you'll feel this when you see your siblings getting opportunities you didn't get. But life is a series of choices that lead us in different directions, and our paths will inevitably be different from those of our siblings. But you have to make choices; you have to reach out and pluck the figs from the tree before they wither and blacken.

This is, of course, assuming that each parent has the best interests of each child and fairness at heart. This, unfortunately, is not always the case. 

In her original post, this woman shared how her parents had been secretly saving a large sum of money for her. While this might sound like fantastic news, she only discovered this when her parents asked if she would be ok with donating the majority of it to her brother for grad school. This cut especially deep since the money had never been offered to her during hard times when she was pursuing her own education and struggling to make ends meet. At that point in her life, she had been forced to make some hard decisions and pass up opportunities she might have had if she had known that the money was available to her. No, for her the 

The woman has now returned to share this update, detailing how her family had reacted and what had happened since. The new update starts on item 8 of this article.

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  • 01

    "AITA My parents are forcing me to pay for my brothers grad school using money they never told me about"

    I've (30F) been financially independent since graduating college. I worked practically full-time while studying, recently paid off my student loans on my own, and just started saving to buy a home. I didn't apply to grad school because I couldn't afford it, and my parents made it pretty clear growing up that we needed to stand on our own after high school.
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  • 02
    N
    via leah hetteberg

    The image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 03
    My brother (22M) is honestly a genius. He worked really hard in school, got a full academic ride to a great state school, and graduated with honors. I'm so, so proud of him. The problem now is he recently got into an extremely prestigious grad program that would open a lot of doors for him. He was hoping for scholarships or a paid internship to cover most of it, but it's not enough. Now he's facing tuition and housing costs in one of the most expensive cities in the country.
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  • 04
    My parents asked if I could help out and suggested I contribute around $15,000 to get him through the first year. They'd match it, and he'd take loans for the rest. I said no. I've been working for over a decade on my own goals, and I'm just now starting to save for a house. I don't feel comfortable putting that on hold, especially when I had to turn down opportunities because there was no help available to me.
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  • 05
    During the conversation, my mom got frustrated and said they'd be using my "other fund" to help him instead. I asked what she meant, and she said they had set aside about $25,000 for me back when I was in college, meant to be used for a future wedding. I was completely blindsided. I had no idea this fund existed. I asked why I wasn't told about it when I was considering grad school, or now while I'm saving for a home. She said it was always intended for a wedding, not school or property, and sin
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  • 06
    I'm not going to lie, I was p ed. I never got a chance to make a case for how I could've used that money, and now it's just being handed over to someone else. I told them I felt hurt and left out. My mom said I was being unfair, and that the money was never promised, and if I didn't want it for a wedding, then it made sense to use it for something meaningful. My brother told me he didn't know about the wedding fund either, and he understands why I'd be upset, but said he didn't ask for it. He ju
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  • 07
    I know my brother worked hard and isn't trying to take anything from me. But I can't help feeling like my parents are punishing me for being practical.
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  • 08
    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a hole: I refused to give my parents $15,000 to help pay for my brother's grad school, and then got upset when I found out they're giving him a $25,000 "wedding fund" they had secretly set aside for me. My mom said I was being selfish and unfair, and that the money was never promised to me. I might be the a hole because it's technically not my money, but it was meant for me, and it feels like it was taken away the mome
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  • 09

    Update:

    Thanks to everyone who commented on my original post. I really appreciated the insight, especially from those who helped me understand why this hit such a nerve. Just to clarify, I have no intention of cutting my parents out over this. They let me live at home rent-free during college, gave me a lot of academic support growing up (I wasn't a naturally strong student like my brother), and have always been loving in most other ways. This situation hurt, but it doesn't erase everything they've done
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  • 10
    Mother's Day was tense. As soon as I arrived, my mom said, "I don't want another fight to ruin today," when I tried to bring up the money again. I left after brunch. We finally talked this past weekend. My brother said he hadn't known about the "wedding fund" until I brought it up and felt awful it was causing tension. He's rethinking grad school now, saying it might be smarter to get work experience first. He applied to MBA programs and jobs while finishing undergrad, graduated early in Decembe
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  • 11
    He also told me our parents had said I might help with the cost. He'd planned to pay me back but realized he wouldn't earn anything for a few years and would still set me back. That's part of why he reconsidered. My mom wasn't happy. She said she didn't want him giving up an amazing opportunity just because I was "being bitter." That really stung. I told her I wasn't bitter, I was blindsided. I found out about the money during a conversation where I was being asked to hand over $15,000 for someo
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  • 12
    That's when my dad stepped in. After I was born, he started saving for what he imagined as my dream wedding. It was sentimental to him. When my brother was born, they saved a similar amount for his wedding or family expenses. Neither of us knew these funds existed. They only considered using his for school when other aid fell short. After I said no, they decided to use both funds to help him and figured they'd replenish mine later.
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  • 13
    I get why it made sense to them, but it still hurt. Many commenters pointed out the situation was sexist, even if unintentionally. It's hard not to feel like I was expected to get married while my brother was expected to succeed. I don't think that's what they meant, but that's how it felt. To their credit, they listened. My dad apologized for not telling me sooner. My mom didn't fully agree, but I think she heard me.
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  • 14
    My brother asked if I'd help with his resume and interview prep, and I said yes. I told him I know this isn't his fault. He's worked hard and deserves what he's earned. I just needed to feel like my path mattered too. We're not back to 100%, but it feels better. I'm glad we talked.
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  • 15
    ScarletNotThatOne So glad to hear that you moved it forward and that your family members each made their own efforts. Sounds like a good family.
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  • 16
    scienceislice Your brother seems like the only decent person in your family. Honestly, it is better to get some work experience before getting an MBA, but unless he makes bank during his years off, expect this issue to come up again. It's really of them to have that money saved for you but try to spend it on him, especially when you could use it for your house savings. Or you could go to grad school!
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  • 17
    Throwaway3568476... OP Since some people are getting hung up over the wedding fund money and I couldn't include it due to the character limit. After our talk, my parents agreed to add my name to the savings account so I can access the money directly. They asked that I withdraw it in chunks over time for tax reasons, but it's mine now. My dad still hopes I'll use it for a wedding someday instead of a house, but ultimately he said the decision is up to me. As for my brother, they said he'll get ac
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  • 18
    dice_mogwai YTA for letting your off the hook. parents
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  • 19
    no_fcks_lefttogive Your parents need to be reminded that in the majority of the situations it's the daughter who takes over primary care of aging parents!
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  • 20
    Livvysgma NTA. Your parents are misogynists. Why not ask them for the 25k now? Put it towards your housing fund or classes towards improving your job skills. Your parents aren't going to change, but move away before they get old. They'll expect you to put your life on hold if they need help, but won't want to bother your brother.
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  • 21
    ThatsltImOverThis Your brother seems to get it more than either of your parents but your dad at least recognizes it as thing to do. I mean, a exactly when were they going to "replenish" it? Your mother is lying to herself. Don't let them off the hook. That's how they normalize it.
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