29-year-old mom complains that she's a 'single parent' despite having a husband who works 10-12 hour days: 'I get that she's overwhelmed, I am too'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Jun 16, 2025 4:00 PM EDT

Parenting is a team sport, not an individual one. Even if you are a single parent, odds are you need some outside input. Whether it's a family member, a neighbor, teachers, coaches, or babysitters… you're never doing it 100% alone. That would be impossible. So it's even better when you can share the load with a partner. This is the hope of marriage and kids. You split the responsibility so that you're not stranded on your own, and that your child can have multiple influences in their life. You don't want them growing up with only one North Star. They might turn out with skewed ideas and beliefs.

But even when you're splitting the role it doesn't mean that it comes out evenly. The problem of work often complicates the split. Maybe one of you works so that the other can stay home. But how do you decide what is equal and what isn't?

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  • 01

    AITAH for telling my wife she's not a "single parent" just because I work long hours?

    My wife (29F) and I (31M) have a 3- year-old son. I work 10-12 hour days as a contractor while she stays home. Lately, she's been venting online and to friends, saying she feels like a single mom because I'm "never around." I get that she's overwhelmed, I am too but I'm working my a off to keep us afloat.
    via u/SplitConstant9453
  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10517886720
    via Jenna Norman

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • That's the issue that came up in this story- a common one at that- where a stay-at-home wife found herself feeling lonely and under-appreciated. Just because she had a partner didn't mean she felt like the burden was being shared. So she and her husband came to an impasse. Read on for the story. 

  • 03
    The other night, I heard her refer to herself as a "solo parent" during a Zoom call with her mom. After she hung up, I told her that I didn't appreciate that. I'm not partying, I'm not neglecting our family, I'm working. She said I'm being defensive and that she "feels like a single mom" because she handles everything alone at home.
    via u/SplitConstant9453
  • 04
    Now I feel guilty. I don't want to invalidate her, but I also feel like she's ignoring everything I do. AITAH for calling her out?
    via u/SplitConstant9453
  • 05

    Commenters shared their thoughts and similar experiences.

    SomeP... 11h ago • • 11h ago Edited 3h ago It sounds like you both really need a day or 5 off. Is it in the budget to plan something together while the kiddo stays with grandparents or a babysitter? Maybe a nice dinner or a night at a hotel together, just to reconnect and talk about how you've both been feeling, while also trying to understand where each other is coming from
    via u/SomePumpkin6850
  • 06
    Kalico... • 10h ago Edited 7h ago I'm a SAHM with a husband who works longs hours (10 to 14 hour days), so I do understand what your wife means when she says she feels like she's a single parent. I do school pickup, attend all school functions, parent/teacher meetings, do all the homework, and entertaining in the evening on top of all the domestic stuff that comes with running a home.
    via u/KalicoKat79
  • 07
    But, one of the many differences between myself and an actual single mom is that I know my hubby will be home eventually. I know I don't have to work a job on top of everything else. Whether he gets home in time to help with homework or just rub my feet at the end of the day, I know some form of help/relief is coming.
    via u/KalicoKat79
  • 08
    On the flip side my husband often feels left out and like he doesn't get time to be a dad and bond with our boys or be involved the way that I am. Because of that he's often felt isolated from the rest of the family.
    via u/KalicoKat79
  • 09
    My hubby and I both had to learn that we are each gaining/losing something in regard to our situation. You and your wife need to have a serious conversation and realize that you are a team. Also find small ways you can help with the kids so she doesn't feel like she's managing it all. My hubby irons school clothes for our youngest at night and packs his lunch in the morning. On his days off (which are rare) he handles pickup and homework.
    via u/KalicoKat79
  • 10
    In return I try to ease his feelings of isolation by sending him videos of the boys throughout the day or helping him plan corny jokes/pranks for the kids when he's around.
    via u/KalicoKat79
  • 11
    It takes balance and teamwork and lots of communication, but you both have to work to understand one another's perspective and find a common ground that works for you. Edited to clarify the fact that I understand the differences between myself and an actual single parent.
    via u/KalicoKat79
  • 12
    SocietyAccording 2066 11h ago . You're working hard to provide money. She's working hard to take care of the kids. You're both stressed out and should talk this out. I'm not sure if you help out around the house with chores/spend time with the kid once you get home, but if you do, she's definitely in the wrong. All in all, a real lack of specifics to really know.
    via u/SocietyAccording2066
  • 13
    Cheezburger Image 10517886464
    via Alexander Grey

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 14
    Regular-Fig8725 • 11h ago NAH. You're both fighting different battles in the same war.
    via u/Regular-Fig8725
  • 15
    Jay100012 11h ago • As someone who has been in this position, working 12 hour overnight, rotating schedule WO a kid, ive been in this situation before. Assuming you are working 50-60 hours a week to support the three of you. That's ALOT of work. Would it be feasible that you two come to
    via u/Jay100012
  • 16
    the decision to put your son into daycare so your wife could get a job(something so shes not home by herself all day?) Or even the job could pay for the cost of daycare. Because otherwise its only going to get worse her feelings will build and eventually will lead to separation-divorce. Id also suggest counseling for the two of you.
    via u/Jay100012
  • 17
    Amberly123. 6h ago I'm currently a stay at home mom. Hubby is also a contractor and works long hours. There are times where I feel like I am a solo parent. And it's usually not because of his long hours. It's usually because we will be in the same room with our three year old. Both of us in
    via u/Amberly123
  • 18
    the same environment, and it's me that's the one "stop that" "put that down" "don't do that" despite the fact that my husband is right there seeing hearing etc the same thing that I am. It's 99% of the time me raising my voice, being the bad cop, being the one saying stop and no and don't.
    via u/Amberly123
  • 19
    I know you're exhausted and working your a off for your family. I totally get that when you get home you just wanna doom scroll or zone out. I totally get it. But if you're home and kiddos awake, just being present, engaging with kiddo, perhaps bringing the "hey buddy stop that" from you would be a huge help. If you can helping with bed time and bath time is awesome too.
    via u/Amberly123
  • 20
    If you get home after kiddos gone to sleep, straighten up the toys, maybe pop a load of washing on. On the weekends (and dude I know you're tired, she is too) take the lead with kiddo. Even if it's just one of those two days (if you get two days off) or a morning or something be the number one parent.
    via u/Amberly123
  • 21
    Impossible_Ad_3616 4h ago • Single mother of 25 years here, and he turned out to be a very good kid (software engineer)! Not to invalidate her feelings BUT, you are the only source of income and soul parent when you are a single mother. I just have to say I am a bit offended when SAHM compares themselves to Single mothers. I never say that I worked harder than my sister in laws who were SAHM, they have their challenges.
    via u/Impossible_Ad_3616
  • 22
    thisislyncanthropy ⚫ 10h ago might be time for her to get a job, that way you can cut back and be more present tbh
    via u/thisislyncanthropy
  • 23
    TossU... • • 10h ago Edited 3h ago NAH - - No one's the a hole my husband and I are in a very similar situation. He started his own company as a side hustle the same month we found out we were pregnant, then left his very stable job to pursue his company full time when I was 7
    via u/TossUp1573
  • 24
    months pregnant (reasonably so, business was booming and his "day job" was standing in the way of his company exploding). Our kid is now 19months, and we're newly pregnant with #2 and he's working 6-7 days/week, roughly 12 hour days. I get him basically 5pm to 7:30pm for dinner, bathtime, and bedtime, then he's back to work until about 11pm.
    via u/TossUp1573
  • 25
    I do 95% of the housework, and 95% of the childcare on top of helping make sure our company's contractors get paid, serving as our HR team, and working as a part time teacher at a community college. He's working so hard to make sure the company stays afloat so we can afford a life we both want. It's incredibly stressful, and
    via u/TossUp1573
  • 26
    ultimately, I am doing a lot of solo parenting. It sounds like your wife is doing the same, and that doesn't take away from your grind, it just means she's also grinding. Sometimes that leads to heated discussions and hurt feelings. We have found the best thing for us is to talk about it and set clear, quantifiable or measurable
    via u/TossUp1573
  • 27
    goals. Sometimes the conversation just goes in frustrating circles, but most of the time we're able to remind ourselves why we're grinding right now. This week we even discovered that we've made enough that we're actually going to be able to afford a new home that 2 months ago we swore was a far-off dream, so this week has been a particularly great week, but obviously most aren't.
    via u/TossUp1573
  • 28
    Being a parent, spouse, and trying to survive in the world today is so hard, and I think you might need to just take a step back and understand that your wife is probably exhausted. I know for me, it's easy to feel anger because I'm mommy 24/7, while my husband gets to step out and away from that at least once a day.
    via u/TossUp1573
  • 29
    Ultimately it sounds like you guys need to have a chat after the kiddo hits the hay and talk about how you're feeling. Don't look to solve the problem necessarily, just seek to listen and understand.
    via u/TossUp1573

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