Brother-in-law protests after unemployed man expects sister to drive him to potential jobs with a 40 minute commute: 'My wife and I share one car and there isn't any public transportation'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jun 18, 2025 9:00 AM EDT

For all that those who have jobs may complain about the trials and tribulations that come from work, there is no denying that being unemployed is the worst. Worrying about some dumb deadline is preferable to worrying about how to pay bills because you don't have a steady income.

On top of that, the act of job searching can be a notoriously draining pursuit full of dashed hopes and needlessly complicated hiring processes. It is understandable to feel the need to make some compromises when it comes to finding work, but these have to be weighed up with their practicality. If it is a position that the job seeker would want to stick around in, the pros and cons are important to consider.

This is doubly true when they have the needs of others to consider, as well as their own. The decision to take a job often affects more than just the life of the new hire.

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  • 01

    AITA for refusing to allow my wife to commute her brother to work every morning?

    Brother in law recently moved into our state, lives 25 mins from us. He recently has been searching for jobs and my wife has been taking him to his interviews, drugs tests, etc. My wife and I share one car because I mostly work from home while only going to the office twice a week so I had no problem her giving him rides to his appointments. The problem now i discovered is all of the jobs he's considering are well over 40 mins without traffic from him and there isn't any public transportation. H
    via Maximum_Pumpkin_449
  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10518621952
    via Andrej Lišakov (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This is what one man wished his brother-in-law would consider after he found out what he was expecting from his wife when he found a job. He was unemployed and had been requesting that she drive him to interviews in the sole vehicle she shared with her husband, as he didn't have a car and she currently wasn't working.

    While fine with this as he mostly worked from home, what the man didn't find acceptable was that his in-law was solely applying to jobs that were at least a forty-minute commute, with the expectation that his wife would drive him both ways. She was upset that he protested this arrangement, and he wanted to know if he was in the wrong.

  • 03
    In my opinion, while I understand my wife wants to help her brother, they are not considering the logistics of having to commute far distances when I also need my car from time to time. I understand there's a chance it can work but I rather not deal with the unnecessary stress of planning my life around the time her brother needs to go to work. I find it a bit disrespectful they are planning all of this without not once consulting me on if I'm ok with any of this or how it impacts me. To be fran
    via Maximum_Pumpkin_449
  • 04
    dee
    via Klim Musalimov
  • 05

    Commenters saw his point of view.

    Dangerous_End9472 NTA. That's also significant wear and tear on the shared card and a lot of gas money.
    via Dangerous_End9472
  • 06
    Some-Astronaut-6907 Of course it would impact him. This is a car they share and it might not be available when he needs it. Not to mention gas and wear and tear on their shared assets.
    via Some-Astronaut-6907
  • 07
    NTA Hefty-Equivalent6581 I get your wife is trying to help her brother but he should not be taking jobs that he can't get to. He's a grown ass adult and needs to figure his shit out and not rely on his sister to bail him out. She needs to understand that you and your family have to come before her troubled brother.
    via Hefty-Equivalent6581
  • 08
    Snackinpenguin BIL needs a job, before he can start saving for a car. She probably thinks that retail doesn't pay enough versus the jobs he's interviewing for. But I don't think your wife has a realistic sense of how long she'd have to drive him to/ from daily to have him save up for a car + insurance. Months? Upwards of a year? This likely makes it difficult for your wife to get a job of her own with these daily time restrictions (80 min drive round trip twice a day). So you're the one exclusiv
    via Snackinpenguin
  • 09
    vegasbywayofLA While I understand your wife's desire to help her brother, commuting distances to a job without a car and decent public transportation is unsustainable. Why doesn't your BIL drive? Does he have a license? Without this information it is hard to give constructive advice as to possible solutions. Both your wife and BIL are being short-sighted in thinking that he will be able to get to work each day unless he is willing and able to move close to work. Not only will you need your car,
    via vegasbywayofLA
  • 10
    Smokey_Katt If there's a plan to get his own car once he lands a job, good. If she's driving him to interviews, fine. That would make sense and which days should be discussed, but most people would be okay with it. If the long term plan is to have her drive him there and back each morning and night, then that's unreasonable because it's your car too and that's a lot of wear and tear and gas etc. So NTA.
    via Smokey_Katt
  • 11
    Joel Johnstone NTA. If I'm doing the math correctly, he's expecting your wife to spend 2 hours and 40 minutes, at least, each day ferrying him back and forth to work (two hour and 20 minute round trips). That's nuts. Once in a while would be a nice favor, but every day is ridiculous. Even if your wife doesn't mind spending her time that way, the added car maintenance alone makes it a no-go.
    via JoelJohnstone
  • 12
    burnednotdestroyed NTA. OP does get to have input on how they treat a shared asset; this is one of those, 'Two yesses/one no" situations. Neither gets to do what they want without discussion, but unless everyone is on board, it's a no-go. It also appears that he's the only one of this trio working right now, so if anything happens to the car, his wife, or his BiL while they're in it, he's the one on the financial hook.
    via burnednotdestroyed
  • 13
    City_Girl_at_heart You're right to have concerns, but you handled it badly. BIL lives 25 mins away from you, and 40 mins from prospective employers. How far away from you are the jobs? At the furthest distance (employer is opposite direction from BIL's house to yours), that's 65 mins one-way, two hours + round trip just to take BIL to/from work. Four hours twenty minutes of driving per day, nearly twenty-two hours per week. Who's paying the gas and wear and tear?
    via City_Girl_at_heart
  • 14
    writierthanyou NTA, and you absolutely have a right to assert to your wife that you don't want her driving the shared asset that far every day as her brother's chauffeur.
    via writierthanyou
  • 15
    rockology_adam NTA. The fact that your wife and BIL have either a) not considered the commute, or b) think that you don't need to be consulted on it, makes me smack my head. There is a flip side here, though OP, that almost pushes this to Everyone-Sucks-Here. While it's wrong of your wife. to not discuss that her brother will need some help starting these potential jobs, the instant, and pre-emptive, no here is borderline. Does the brother have some right to your car? No. Does your wife have a r
    via rockology_adam
  • 16
    indicatprincess He doesn't have a car and I think he's expecting my wife to give him rides every morning cause she currently doesn't work. There is SUCH an easy solution to this issue. ASK HIM. So I brought this up with my wife yesterday and asked her how will he commute to these jobs he's considering. She said she doesn't know. I told her maybe he should consider jobs nearby like retail, cashier, or some other job that's easier commute for him. She got upset that I would suggest what kind of a
    via indicatprincess
  • 17
    NTA Upbeat Selection357 This really sums it up: To be frank, I don't even think they've considered the commuting logistics at all. I will throw out a possible plan that you also don't mention: your BIL could get a car when he gets the job that would require it. Since presumably he's on a tight budget at the moment, and he might end up with a job in which he doesn't need a car, your wife helping him out at the moment is more reasonable. Being a long term solution is not. Either way, your point is
    via Upbeat_Selection357
  • 18
    fungibleprofessional NTA. Driving BIL to work every day, especially those distances, goes beyond just helping family out. You're basically subsidizing his living expenses given the gas and wear and tear on the car. Plus you're losing access to your own car for literally hours every day. That said, I'd be more flexible if there was a plan in place. Like if BIL gets a job and he says he'll get his own car within a month of starting. But agreeing to the daily shuttling indefinitely is a no go.
    via fungibleprofessional
  • 19
    mudcrabsareforever NTA, yeah the word "allow" wasn't ideal but you addressed that. I think regardless of that you should have a right to veto such an idea, which effectively is the same as allow (and to be clear, she should have the same right if roles were reversed). As long as that is true, then NTA. This is a bad plan from the start and you both should collaborate to think of other ways to help BIL between you but maybe something that sets him up for success. It should also not require ongoin
    via mudcrabsareforever
  • 20
    Ilynglas You have every right to your views and to decide how the family car is used. But, the use of "allow" really makes me uncomfortable. One spouse "allowing' the other spouse to do something sounds controlling.
    via Ilynglas
  • 21
    HoldFast02 NTA. The use of a shared asset is something you both need to agree on. If you don't want her to use the car to commute her brother, then it's not happening. And if she hadn't been intending to do just that, why did she get upset with you?
    via HoldFastO2
  • 22
    OldSaggytitBiscuits NTA. Your wife should be discussing logistics with her brother, with the understanding that she's not his ride to work every day. He's an adult, he needs to find his own transportation to work. But, it seems he probably knows this, and maybe his attitude is the reason he's having trouble finding a job. Wife is enabling him, she doesn't get to unilaterally decide how to use a shared asset, especially if you're paying for everything and she's running the house at home.
    via OldSaggyttBiscuits

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family drama commute aita brother relationships sister reddit thread Reddit unemployment brother in law entitled people
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