28-year-old bilingual woman pretends she doesn't understand fiancé's family, overhears his relatives plotting against her in their native language: "She'll poison his heart against the family"

Being bilingual can sometimes feel like a superpower. Spanish was technically my first language, although at this point, I'm not as good as expressing myself in my mother tongue as I am in English. I genuinely feel like my IQ drops a little bit when I'm speaking Spanish, and because my understanding of the language came exclusively from my Gen X parents, my slang is incredibly dated – even amongst fellow Millennial Hispanics. Still, it can be incredibly rewarding to see a stranger's face light up when they realize that I can speak to them in their native language.

In our story today, our protagonist keeps her linguistic talents hidden from her faincé's Filipino family. She doesn't come clean about her knowledge of Tagalog until she overhears them gossiping about her. Now that she knows exactly how they really feel about her, she's left wondering if the relationship is even worth pursuing further. 

Author image for Ely Bulnes Ely Bulnes
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  • 01

    I pretended not to understand my in-laws' native language to hear what they really think of me.

    Cheezburger Image 10525329920
    via DragonImages

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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  • 02
    I (28F) am half-Filipina, half-white. I don't look very Asian, and I wasn't raised speaking Tagalog, but I learned it in college for fun.
    via u/Smooth_Vacation
  • 03
    mera A aloha BONJOUR putum GUTEN TAG A, HELLO VE авст остуйте dia SHALON Don ден
    via Warchi from Getty Images Signature

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 04
    My fiancé (30M) is Filipino and very close to his family. When we visit them, they often speak in Tagalog around me. I never let on that I understood.
    via u/Smooth_Vacation
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  • 05
    At first, it was fine. But then, I started hearing my name in sentences I could understand. Things like "She's pretty, but she's too pale" or "I don't think she'll raise the kids right."
    via u/Smooth_Vacation
  • 06
    One day, his aunt said something truly awful: "She's the type who'll take him away from us. Just watch, once they're married, we'll never see him again. She'll poison his heart against his family."
    via u/Smooth_Vacation
  • 07
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    via kyonntra from Getty Images Signature

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  • 08
    That night, I told my fiancé everything. He was stunned. Called his mom out, who denied it all until I repeated her words in perfect Tagalog. The room went silent. I walked out.
    via u/Smooth_Vacation

  • Confronting mean-spirited people that don't realize you speak their language is every bilingual person's dream. Well, kind of. In the dream scenario, you'd be confronting strangers on a bus, not your soon-to-be husband's family. 

  • 09
    They've been apologizing ever since, but I don't want to spend my life with people who only respect me when they think I don't understand.
    via u/Smooth_Vacation
  • 10
    BarRegular2684 My MIL and her family do this. I understand their language much better than I express myself in it. We'll show up to family events and she'll tell people, ""Don't bother with her, she doesn't speak Greek." Then she wonders why we're not close. Lol
    via u/BarRegular2684
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  • 11
    No-Eagle-5072 It's wild how they act like language is a shield for ri deness, then play confused when it backfires.
    via u/No-Eagle-5072
  • 12
    Silly_Associate4171 Not gonna lie, hearing stuff like that in their "secret language" is such a gut punch. like y'all really had all this smoke for me in stereo and thought I wouldn't catch on?
    via u/Silly_Associate4171
  • 13
    AydeeHDsuperpower I would literally go back and confront them this way. "If you felt comfortable enough to talk negatively about me in front of me, are you able to talk to me about your concerns of our relationship like real adults?"
    via u/AydeeHDsuperpower
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  • 14
    It will either show their honesty in there apology, or it will reinforce your feelings about his family and your going to have to spend some time reflecting on what you want to deal with or not with this relationship.
    via u/AydeeHDsuperpower
  • 15
    But that's just a personal opinion of someone who has little perspective or experience, so please don't take me that seriously if you don't want to confront people
    via u/
  • 16
    Cheezburger Image 10525330688
    via Manish Dhodi from Pexels

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  • 17
    Shazel3 Totally agree this!! Like if you can say it behind my back in front of me, then at least be ready to say it to my face too.
    via u/
  • 18
    AdultinginCali I'll keep shouting it from the rooftops, a SO's family is a valid deal breaker.
    via u/
  • 19
    Your fiancé had your back and they now know you speak fluent Tagalog, IDK, maybe hold off on the wedding and see how things go with this new situation.
    via u/
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  • If her partner were trying to excuse their behavior, I would be more inclined to agree with throwing the whole relationship away. However, he totally had her back. Our protagonist should proceed with caution. 

  • 20
    spaetzlechick I get Illed every time I say it on Reddit, but... You can't pick your parents but you CAN pick your in laws.
    via u/
  • 21
    Burns 504 I don't see why people don't understand that marriage is a literal union between two families. You gotta meet and like your spouse's family before you get married.
    via u/
  • 22
    MoonManPrime Well...that heavily depends on the partner's relationship with their family.
    via u/
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  • 23
    u2125mike2124 They'll probably accept you with no problems now because you actually speak their language.
    via u/
  • 24
    Any-Expression2246 I've always wished I had that power.
    via u/

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boyfriend relationship advice family drama AITAH relationships language girlfriend couples family breakup red flag toxic relationship dating mother in law
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