'She needed help finding housing': Woman agrees to house her partner's unstable 19-year-old sister on the condition of helping with their cat, she doesn't, then throws a fit when the couple tells her her behavior was disrespectful

Author image for Mariel Ruvinsky
Mariel Ruvinsky • Writer and Editor
Jul 7, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

One of our favorite things about having a cat is that cats bring peace into their homes. Just by existing, by napping, by sunbathing, by gently purring next to you, they make you calmer. You get into a certain rhythm with them, and everyone gets used to it. Your cat loves you and the routine you bring them and vice versa. And so, when someone new steps into that routine, it can take some adjusting - on everyone's part. 

An effort has to be made, by the intruding partner, to get into the cat's routine, to become a part of it. So, when this sister was invited to stay in this cat's home - and yes, it was the cat's home before it was hers - and made no effort, problems arose. But instead of taking the criticism, when the cat's owners told her that she was behaving disrespectfully, she had a fit so big it's kind of ridiculous. 

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  • 01

    "[Am I wrong] for asking my partner’s sister to leave after she disrespected us in our own home?"

    "She reminded her [sister] that we were doing her a favor, and she completely lost it"
    via Unsplash / Halogen Condense - truth6474

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02
    My partner (28F) and I (25F) have been together for a while and worked hard to build a calm, independent life for ourselves. We both came from rocky family backgrounds, but have created a soft, stable life-filled with communication, compassion, and just... peace.
    via lickmy-lips
  • 03
    Recently, her younger sister (19F) came to us for help. She has a lot of unresolved mental health issues that she refuses to address. She's not working, doesn't have a high school diploma, and is currently on social assistance.
    via lickmy-lips
  • 04
    She had been living with their emotionally ab ive father but got them kicked out of their last apartment after mouthing off to the landlord. (She had reason to be upset, but the way she handled it escalated things unnecessarily.)
    via lickmy-lips
  • 05
    She reached out to us because she needed help finding housing in the city and wasn't sure if social assistance would cover rent. We agreed to help.
    via lickmy-lips
  • 06
    We found her a place, paid her first month's rent and damage deposit, bought her some groceries and essentials, and even gave her a bunch of stuff from around our house to help her get started.
    via lickmy-lips
  • 07
    We also agreed to cover any financial gaps that she had until she found a job, paying for her groceries or her bills that she couldn't afford. Before moving into her new place, we let her stay with us for a few days.
    via lickmy-lips
  • 08
    The only condition was that while we were away on vacation (5 days), she would take care of our three cats and keep the place reasonably tidy. We sent her clear messages about what was expected, including reminders during our trip.
    via lickmy-lips
  • 09
    When we got home, the house was disgusting. The cat litter hadn't been touched, the kitchen was a mess, and the house smelled. I had to clean the kitchen before I could make supper for the three of us. My partner dealt with the cat litter.
    via lickmy-lips
  • 10
    Later, my partner gently brought it up with her. She reminded her that we were doing her a favor, and that not taking care of the house was disrespectful.
    via lickmy-lips
  • 11
    Her sister completely lost it— screaming at us, calling us saying we were OCD (we're not, our house is just normally clean but lived-in), and telling us we were on some kind of high horse and didn't care about her.
    via lickmy-lips
  • 12
    She then started crying and yelling more. We told her that if she was going to continue behaving that way, she needed to leave. She stormed outside and sat on the front steps, calling everyone she knew and telling them we kicked her out.
    via lickmy-lips
  • 13
    For me, it's not about the state of the house (although it was gross). It's about the repeated disrespect. Every time she's around, she's yelling, angry, or emotionally explosive toward my partner. I've reached my limit.
    via lickmy-lips
  • 14
    So, AITA for telling her to leave and not tolerating this behavior in our home anymore?
    via lickmy-lips
  • 15
    Cheezburger Image 10525942272
    via Unsplash / Halogen Condense - truth6474

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • At the end of the day, you didn't ask for a lot, and her reaction was entirely disproportionate. She needs help, very clearly, and in our opinion, that help is not of the kind that you were offering. She needs professional help. 

  • 16
    Spike-2021 NTA. She clearly needs help - and not the kind you and your partner can give her. She needs therapy and maybe meds. (And she needs to grow tf up.) Are there social services in your area that may be able to help her? Is her mom in the picture? Any other family (that's not you two)? You do not have to put up with disrespect in your own home. You do not need this burden. You were very kind to try and try again...
    via Spike-2021
  • 17
    lickmy-lips OP we've sent her every resource under the sun for her to get help and are met with “i'm not crazy" or just her own inaction. the only time anything gets done is when my partner nags her to do things and she just wants the nagging to stop. she is unwilling to help herself in any form
    via lickmy-lips
  • 18
    Sad-Country-9873 NTA - she wasn't planning on getting out. She was planning on keeping her behavior and you all taking care of her for life. I hope you took pictures to show everyone the way she left things. I hope you get her out of there and change the locks.
    via Sad-Country-9873
  • 19
    lickmy-lips OP her personal code to the door has been removed and i have screenshots of messages that she has sent. MY sibling stopped in the day we got home and even said something to me about the state of the house (when we were discussing the situation)
    via lickmy-lips
  • 20
    回折
    via Unsplash / Greeshma Gangadharan - greeshmag

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • We appreciate the fact that the rest of the people seem to agree with us rather than be angry with the sister. Anger would be pointless and most likely only make things worse. Something is clearly wrong in this situation. 

  • 21
    DynkoFromTheNorth NTA, and please also consider withdrawing any payments made towards her situation if still possible. Otherwise she'll keep using the two of you as wallets on legs, as well as doormats. Her behaviour needs severe consequences.
    via DynkoFromTheNorth
  • 22
    lickmy-lips OP it's too late to get the money back but she will not be getting anything else from us as long as i have a say. edit to add: unless of course she decides that she can be a respectful individual and get the help that she needs. nevertheless, i may be forgiving but i will not be forgetting
    via lickmy-lips
  • 23
    sideglancegirl NTA. She's way too old to behaving like that. When she loses the apartment you found her don't let her move back in.
    via sideglancegirl
  • 24
    lickmy-lips OP absolutely not a chance
    via lickmy-lips

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cat drama interesting cute cats couples story sister Cats unstable
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