Uncle sends money to the mother of his brother's illegitimate child, exposes him as a deadbeat to their extended family: 'I'll never let him hear the end of it'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Jul 22, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

There's always a question of how much you should mind your own business. I'm certainly not going to eavesdrop on a stranger's conversation, pass a judgment, and interject to tell them what I think. I would definitely do those first two things, but the third is crossing a line. 

There's an art to getting involved in someone else's personal business. As far as I see it, you should only engage with drama if you're okay with being the drama sometimes. If you're willing to be the subject of other people's gossiping, you can gossip as much as you please. You can't be a total gossip, and then get angry when people also gossip about you. That's not how it works. Sometimes, the things you're doing that elicit gossip from others are for the greater good, and you still have to deal with negative consequences anyway. But often it's more complicated than that. 

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  • 01

    AITA for sending money to my brother's child against his will & asking him to buzz off?

    My brother Julian is in his 30s (1 am two years or so older). He's been married for a few years, and has two children. I am personally not married myself, and we live in different cities. The gist is that he cheated on his wife a few years ago (after he was married,
    via u/Neither_Ganache_9510

  • This is one complicated situation. This uncle is sending money to his brother's son that he fathered during a secret affair. The uncle is badmouthing him to the rest of the family, despite the fact that he did pay the child support that he owed, because he refuses to put his illegitimate son in his will.

  • 02
    obviously), and has a secret child with a woman. He hushed it up by promising to send her money, but never did, and apparently she's never sued for child support. His wife was already aware about the betrayal and helped in not leaking out.
    via u/Neither_Ganache_9510
  • 03
    But sometime ago the other woman blew the whistle & outed the whole secret to my brother, demanding child support and inheritance for her child etc or threatened to embarrass him. He'd promised to "break off the marriage" with my sister-in-law
    via u/Neither_Ganache_9510
  • 04
    which was how he got with her in the first place. Now he went completely ballistic etc, and in the end he agreed to pay her, including the back wages but said the child would not get any inheritance, and that she'd move out to another city again.
    via u/Neither_Ganache_9510
  • 05
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    via Alexander Grey

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 06
    Cheezburger Image 10533176064
    via Timur Romanov

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 07
    Now I had no idea about any of this, and I was both horrified and extremely disgusted. I told Julian that he absolutely has to hand over a part of his inheritance to the boy, called him a " deadbeat" and said I won't have anything to do with it. Since he
    via u/Neither_Ganache_9510
  • 08
    refused, I have been personally sending money to the woman, and have made a point to inform everyone who'd listen that Julian's a deadbeat. I've told him that unless he hands over my nephew's inheritance and apologizes to the woman publicly that I'll never let him hear the end of it.
    via u/Neither_Ganache_9510
  • 09
    Last Will and Testament of County of mind, not acting under and extent of all my pr and declare this docu and all other wills and EXPENSES I direct that all my my soon after my der Personal Repres absolute discret I further direct estate and int included in th Said taxes s without recr included in PE I nomine reques appli LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT
    via Melinda Gimpel

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 10
    Obviously he and his wife are flipping out and calling me a traitor, etc. but I think it's the right thing to do since what I consider what he did to be unforgivable. AITA?
    via u/Neither_Ganache_9510
  • 11
    NotThatNeurotic Info: If your brother is alive why in h l is anyone demanding they hand over inheritance now? Child support yeah but inheritance only happens once someone dies?
    via u/NotThatNeurotic
  • 12
    Igwp45 I think he means that the brother should place the kid in his will
    via u/Igwp45
  • 13
    Individual_Water3981 Idk I'm getting the feeling that there is money now. I'm wondering if they (OP and their brother) have an inheritance from another family member. Maybe one that left something to the brother's other kids. Because why would OP be sending them money if this was just about a future inheritance 40+ years down the line?
    via u/Individual_Water3981
  • 14
    DrDerpberg The post is a bit of a mess, but I think they're looking at child support + future inheritance. Child support is a legal right. The mom should lawyer up and get wage garnishment or whatever. Whatever anybody thinks of the morality of keeping a kid the dad never wanted and then going for child support is irrelevant. OP's bro is a deadbeat for not even cooperating with this process.
    via u/DrDerpberg
  • 15
    Inheritance isn't a legal right. But knowing what's going on OP's brother needs a lawyer to write a bulletproof will that the kid won't be able to challenge. Just leaving the kid out is open to all kinds of issues.
    via u/DrDerpberg
  • 16
    Novel_Fox Maybe an unpopular opinion but good for you. People like Julian don't deserve your protection. He's neglecting his other child and your SIL is currently party to it. They're both a h_les.
    via u/Novel_Fox
  • 17
    catathymia I agree, NTA. We have no idea if the AP knew of his situation and him bailing and being a deadbeat is terrible (as is the support for him here and in his life but so it goes). Good for OP for telling it like it is and for helping an innocent child who has had and will have a tough life because of this.
    via u/catathymia
  • 18
    Novel_Fox The affair partner knew, op said she was told he'd cut off his marriage which is a classic cheater line that never comes to fruition.
    via u/Novel_Fox
  • 19
    moo-chu And yet folks always believe it. Knew a dude involved with a married woman who absolutely believed she was gonna take her two kids away from a stable home to be with his unstable a . No buddy, you're just her little secret on the side that adds a bit of spice to her life.
    via u/moo-chu
  • 20
    ScaryButterscotch474 NTA I love when family makes them accountable. But sadly this will ruin your relationship with your brother and you are unlikely to find out about the other illegitimate children.
    via u/ScaryButterscotch474
  • 21
    imkyliee nta but you should be telling his ex to take his a court. his f shouldn't be costing you. to
    via u/imkyliee
  • 22
    Healthy_Brain5354 If he's paying his child support (including backdated) then he doesn't owe them anything else. The man is still alive and could blow all his money before his "legitimate" kids see a penny in the inheritance. All you are doing by giving this woman money is inserting yourself into a situation that isn't your business and ruining your relationship with your brother and your nephews/nieces. If you're so bothered, leave the child something in your will. YTA
    via u/Healthy_Brain5354
  • 23
    jalepenokettlechips Sounds like an uncle standing up for his nephew, despite his own brother treating his child like an inconvenience. NTA, call out deadbeat men, hold him accountable. It's only messy because he is making it messy. He could easily claim his kid and treat him properly, but has chosen shame instead.
    via u/jalepenokettlechips
  • 24
    willowdove01 NTA for making sure your nephew is taken care of or deciding to cut contact with your brother over a moral difference. A little bit TA for staying in contact only to be petty towards your brother and insisting he must follow the mistress's demands rather than let them sort that out in court.
    via u/willowdove01
  • 25
    gdognoseit ΝΤΑ You're a good human being. Your brother is not.
    via u/gdognoseit

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nephews family drama deadbeat fatherson brother fatherhood money problems deadbeat dad child support dad uncle family nephew money brothers Father
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