'I have been manipulated into getting him a cat that I have to be responsible for': She thought she was adopting her new best friend, but now it feels like the cat isn’t even hers

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Sarah Brown • Writer and Editor
Jul 26, 2025 4:00 PM EDT

It started as a purrfect plan: the hopeful cat adopter was finally ready to open their heart (and home) to a new feline after losing a beloved furiend. Misty, a shy but sweet silver tabby, seemed like the ideal addition to the family. But what began as a healing journey has turned into a whiskered emotional rollercoaster. Despite handling all the not-so-glamorous duties (nail trims, microchip registration, litter box cleanup, vet visits) the devoted pawrent is now playing second fiddle. The boyfriend, who didn't even pay the waived adoption fee, swooped in to claim the cuddles, affection, and even renamed Misty to Mr. Crunchy. (Purrdon?!)

While the pawrent juggles introductions with two resident cats and tries to create safe spaces, the boyfriend blocks access and bans treats. And yet, he still gets to be the "fun" one. At this point, it's feeling less like a shared adoption and more like an accidental handoff.

Now, this new pawrent is left questioning it all. Did she gain a kitty? Or just get manipulated into doing all the hard stuff for someone else's cat? Total catastrophe.

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  • 01
    'He's the "good" guy because he feeds her the food I buy and does all the cuddles'
    via Raphael Angeli / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    Hello a few weeks ago my boyfriend told me about a cat that was up for adoption. I had lost my best friend a year ago and finally started feeling ready to add another cat to the family. So I went and saw her she was a little shy at first but warmed up quickly and I thought she would be a great little sister she's about 1 year old. I filled out the
    via Separate_Glass8354
  • 03
    paperwork for the adoption, boyfriend offered to pay adoption fee because he talked me into it but the fee was waved so he didn't pay anything. So I started adding her information to my chewy account, I registered her microchip and got her established with my vet. The humane society had her named Crash and I switched it to Misty because she is a black and silver tabby.
    via Separate_Glass8354
  • 04
    Adoption
    via Kameleon007 / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 05
    The thing is I do everything that is "mean" like holding her to trim her nails, apply flea medicine, scoop the litter box, buy the food and litter, trying to do the slow introduction to my resident cats and he's the "good" guy because he feeds her the food I buy and does all the cuddles and loving
    via Separate_Glass8354
  • 06
    on her. He calls her a completely different name one I would never give a cat let alone a female cat ( Mr. Crunchy). I am about to just give up and tell him to register everything for her on his own and sign over the adoption to him and wash my hands of this. I'm stressed because I'm trying to get my cats a 15yo male and a 5
    via Separate_Glass8354
  • 07
    year old female used to the new cat slowly but he's putting the new cat in spaces that are supposed to be safe for my guys but they don't get access to her safe spot for scent swaps because it's his office and he works from home (another reason that I haven't been able to bond with the new cat, I don't
    via Separate_Glass8354
  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10534470912
    via imagospot / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 09
    want to make noise in the background while he is on the phone) and I can't do any positive reinforcement because he doesn't want me to use treats. I honestly feel like I have been manipulated into getting him a cat that I have to be responsible for and I am starting to feel resentment and heartache
    via Separate_Glass8354
  • 10
    because she has potential to be a very sweet girl and companion but apparently she isn't my cat. I even put on the adoption form that there would be no reason short of my death or prolonged illness that would cause me to give her up. Devastated is an understatement. I may never adopt again
    via Separate_Glass8354
  • 11
    FerretMomma5211 Sounds like you two need to have a serious talk to better understand things. It is both of yours kitten. So please communicate on this.
    via FerretMomma5211

  • Gotta sit down and have the talk. Clear the air, set the boundaries, and remind each other who signed the adoption papers because this cat drama is getting way outta paw.

  • 12
    DA2013 OP, I think you're creating a self-fulfilling problem. Is this your cat? His cat? Or a joint cat? Do you live together? How did he manipulate you into getting a cat that was free?
    via DA2013
  • 13
    If you want to socialize, scent swap etc. - do it. You don't need your boyfriend to do it. Just do it! You don't mention that he's owned cats before. Add the more experienced person you should be leading. Why aren't you?
    via DA2013
  • 14
    I think this is a relationship problem not a cat problem. And seriously think about this if you want to have kids - he's probably not the one to have kids with if y'all can't be on the same page on pet care. They're similar in a lot of ways, but the responsibility, consequences, and opportunities for disagreements are much higher with kids.
    via DA2013

  • You don’t need his permission to bond with your own cat! Give her the treats, do the socializing, and remind him this feline friendship isn’t a one-hooman show.

  • 15
    Glittering_Act_4... If you live together, this is a joint cat. You should both be equally responsible and on the same page about care. Alternate who buys the food and litter, or split the costs each time. Alternate who cleans the litter. He can't expect you to be responsible for everything and then also reap the benefits of having another
    via Glittering_Act_4059
  • 16
    loving cat in your shared household. It's wild to me when people adopt an animal into a home they share with other people and then try to say that animal is theirs alone. No, anyone who lives with the animal must be onboard and equally responsible for the care of said animal, from the snuggles to the dirty work and financial burden.
    via Glittering_Act_4059
  • 17
    trashcanman1987 I would lose the boyfriend I think. He doesn't listen to what you are telling him!
    via trashcanman1987

  • Worst comes to worst, the cat stays and the boyfriend goes. Priorities, people! A loyal whiskered companion > a man who can’t respect your role as the true cat guardian.

  • 18
    No_Builder_6490 so if she's established at your vet under your name she is your cat. tell your boyfriend to off. if she's is chipped to YOU, she is your cat
    via No_Builder_6490
  • 19
    j... Assert your boundaries with your boyfriend. It is likely that he isn't aware of your feelings because you aren't communicating it. I would simply say that you prefer to handle everything regarding the cat, obviously don't forbid him from petting the cat but let him know as her human, and the one
    via jeyleann
  • 20
    financially responsible, you want to be the one completing all tasks and making decisions INCLUDING whether or not YOU want to give her treats. It's your cat not his. It's your decision and your boundary, and if that's something he won't respect then it's to show he doesn't care about your feelings or opinion and will not respect you in other more serious matters.
    via jeyleann
  • 21
    Goodluck, and insert your dominance, don't let a man overrun you.
    via jeyleann
  • 22
    SephoraRothschild Time to rehome the boyfriend.
    via SephoraRothschild

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boyfriend pets relationships girlfriend adopted cat owners pawrents Cats
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