40+ of the Freshest and Funniest Tweets of the Week (August 9, 2025)

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Aug 9, 2025 2:00 PM EDT

A good tweet can remind us that everything is going to be okay in the world. Even if it's not okay right now, a good tweet reminds us that there are still brilliant minds out there that can bear us through even the hardest of times. The tweets don't even have to be profound, though they often are just by happenstance. Something about being limited to a certain number of characters makes poets of us all. Isn't that the conceit of poetry in the first place? It's a way to say something without having to say much at all? 

To that end, I'd like to think that the iconic poets of yore would have had active Twitter accounts. Homer would have tweeted the Odyssey as a super-long thread. Shakespeare's love sonnets would have done numbers. Walt Whitman would be a sad boi poster among sad boi posters. This, to me, is beautiful. 

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  • These tweets are masterworks among themselves. They inspire me, and they might just inspire you. Inspire you to do what? I'm not totally sure. But they will inspire you to do something, even if that something is simply laughing. Isn't that the highest form of creativity at the end of the day? 

  • 01
    Pastor Kyle. @itsqail And to my children I leave 127 open tabs on safari 10:43 AM 7/25/25 5.2M Views • 348 1 22K 194K ☐ 4.7K ↑
    via @itsqail
  • 02
    jon drake @DrakeGatsby Love a place that lets me order on a kiosk. I have very specific sandwich desires and I'm glad I don't have to vocalize them 9:28 PM 8/1/25 386K Views 22 17 1.6K 29K 307 企
    via @DrakeGatsby
  • 03
    Janel Comeau @VeryBadLlama my mom is upset that her dog caught a bird and I am trying to find the gentlest way to explain to her that any bird that can be taken out by an arthritic elderly 8lb chihuahua with four teeth was probably more than ready to go to its eternal glory • 9:47 PM 7/29/25. 586K Views 94 t 2.3K 60K 960 ↑
    via @VeryBadLlama
  • 04
    rin (⭑+++ @rinnystarr cars these days have too many gadgets. tried to reverse and it played a video of somebody getting run over by a car 1:23 PM 7/29/25.1M Views > 45 12.9K 50K 1.7K 企
    via @rinnystarr
  • 05
    @sonohoor behind every beautiful woman is either tummy issues, low iron, or poor eyesight 2:16 PM 7/18/25 5.4M Views 726 10K 59K 4.1K 1
    via @sonohoor
  • 06
    mollie :3 @vuse_lover guy in paris just told me he puts a picture of his AC unit on his dating apps to attract the girls during the summer 5:18 PM 7/28/25 2.4M Views 211 t 2.4K this is sending me 75K ☐ 2.4K
    via @vuse_lover
  • 07
    @justcosmicdu5t my friend named his pen "the pentagon" so he can ask people if they want to hit the pentagon. i can't stand this 12:17 AM 7/29/25 2M Views ◇ 110 1 5.2K 110K ☐ 5K 企
    via @justc0smicdu5t
  • 08
    west @westofmain_ My dad married a 30 year old and now he texts like this Dad D Yayyy 4:53 PM 7/29/25 3.4M Views 178 4.9K Yesterday > 262K ☐ 4.3K ↑
    via @westofmain_
  • 09
    @BizzleUrgh You think our obesity rate is this high with nothing to show for it? ♡ @Cosyluv_.13h Does America even have any food worthy of this reaction
    via @BizzleUrgh
  • 10
    ben @WaterShuriken_ evil d. skeleton @chumblings. 1d can a married couple and their gay furry roommate truly coexist 10:17 PM 7/29/25 583K Views . 16 t 1.3K 26K 503 企
    via @WaterShuriken_
  • 11
    amberkitty @amberkittie Men can be sorted into two camps. The ones who get haircuts way before they need them and the ones who wait until people in their lives are complaining 8:35 PM 7/29/25 3.8M Views 907 1 6.1K 90K 4.5K 企
    via @amberkittie
  • 12
    Dervin St Paul @ThaDervster The other day I interviewed for a job and when I told them my salary expectations they asked if it was negotiable. I said "yes, I'm always willing to accept more". 11:16 AM 7/28/25.4M Views 145 17.4K 216K ☐ 5.1K ↑
    via @ThaDervster
  • 13
    a mercury sable @2006Sable Imagine monitoring the situation with your boys here O.W. Root @NecktieSalvage - 22h We were so free once before The King of Clubs You're given no less than royal treatment in the King of Clubs, by far the most elegantly equipped Club Wagon. With its own special tricolor paint treatment. Dual Captain's Chairs that swivel and recline. Full-length 36-ounce carpeting. Cloth headliner front to rear. Cloth-covered sun visors with illuminated vanity mirrors. Handy seat back
    via @2006Sable
  • 14
    @MFGrogoom I love when the subtitle is just "We got the rights back" MARVEL STUDIOS the MARVEL PIDER-M HOMECOMING Fantastic4 FIRST STEPS MARVEL TELEVISION DAREDEVIL BORN AGAIN Alex @allowedtohit .2d first steps is a genuinely baffling subtitle for fantastic four 6:55 AM 7/27/25 1.8M Views 44 1 3.3K 66K 3.3K ↑
    via @MFGrogoom
  • 15
    bailey moon @Baileymoon15 there's a couple on a first date next to me and they've been talking about moneyball (2011) for like 20 minutes. i hope they get married. 8:22 PM 7/28/25.2M Views ○ 236 11.6K 52K 1.6K 企
    via @Baileymoon15
  • 16
    slone @GausSupremacy Trying to get someone into baseball is the hardest thing you can do. Watch this three hour game where nothing happens. My team is bad. The rules are confusing. No it's not fun to watch. Good luck 10:32 PM 7/28/25 948K Views . 175 t 1.9K 31K 1.1K ↑
    via @GausSupremacy
  • 17
    Simon Holland @simoncholland No one tells you the stuff your daughter needs for her first dorm room costs eleventy billion dollars. 7:00 AM 7/29/25.957K Views 827 17677 27K ☐ 404
    via @simoncholland
  • 18
    j @fkajack someone said they bonded over peaking in 2013 CRAVE POP Pop Crave @PopCrave - 8h Katy Perry & Justin Trudeau spotted at dinner together in Canada, TMZ reports. 11:29 AM 7/29/25.1M Views 62 17990 29K 555 企
    via @fkajack
  • 19
    Wyrm Drifter @WyrmChronicler Peach: Oh Mario isn't my lover, he's just a friend that saves my life all the time. I only reward him with making a cake. Daisy: I commissioned a statue of me dancing with my boyfriend because I love him. Culture Crave @CultureCrave. 4d Nintendo says Mario and Princess Peach are just 'good friends' who help each other out whenever they can
    via @WyrmChronicler
  • 20
    Mikael @BacardiCapital Quick refresher for everyone rock water stone Black investment firm private mercenary investment firm army Bridge investment firm investment firm tires 8:43 PM 7/28/25 2.2M Views 245 27 4K 50K ☐ 5.4K 企
    via @BacardiCapital
  • 21
    Clinton @614clinton After my youngest daughter fixed my computer, I overheard her talking with one of her friends saying it was just an "ID ten T error. They both starting laughing. Not wanting to appear dumb, I walked away and wrote down the code. ID10T. She was never my favorite kid anyway. 5:24 PM 7/26/25 4.8M Views 1.6K 1 7.2K 89K 6.3K I
    via @614clinton
  • 22
    Pastor Kyle. @itsqail Ngl going that little 5 - 10 over the speed limit in the left lane isn't enough bro u need to want to be here . 4:34 PM 7/26/25 4.3M Views 507 17 9K 150K ☐ 4.8K .↑.
    via @itsqail
  • 23
    Paola ❤ @_Paola People's IQs should be presented like the weather: Actual IQ: 125 Feels like: 97 4:28 PM 7/26/25.1M Views • 209 17 2.8K 37K ☐ 1K
    via @_Pa0la___
  • 24
    Tony Rigatoni @tonyrigatonee My fellow trees we have to allow the termites into our forest Nature is Amazing @AMAZING....20h Fairly large birch polypore mushroom 12:03 AM 7/27/25.946K Views 80 1.8K 34K 1.7K ↑
    via @tonyrigatonee
  • 25
    Sarah @skg_18 why do I need to do two-factor authorization to access my student loans. if someone wants to log in and pay them they can have at it 9:12 AM 7/24/25.585K Views 4 1 2.9K 65K 303 ↑
    via @skg_18
  • 26
    Meg @megannn_lynne i was a nanny the summer The Emoji Movie came out, the kids wanted to see it 4 times in 2 weeks. on the 4th time, the cinemark ticket-taker looked me de d in the eyes & said "whatever they're paying you cannot be worth this." BE AFRAID HORROR @BeAfraid_horror.2d share a piece of movie theater lore about yourself 1:11 PM 7/25/25 7.1M Views 154 19.1K POPCORN 324K ☐ 6.7K ↑
    via @megannn_lynne
  • 27
    Merriam- Merriam-Webster Webster @MerriamWebster 'Irregardless' is a word. @fairylitee. 1d Hit me with the harshest reality truth. 3:08 PM - 7/25/25.8.4M Views Q 2.4K [ 14K 146K ☐
    via @MerriamWebster
  • 28
    YEEHAW PondHQ @PondHQShop He's been working overtime THAT FRIES THE RICE 12:32 PM 7/26/25 · 513K Views 29 17 3.8K HEAVY IS THE SHRIMP Rond HO 29K ☐ 1.4K ↑
    via @PondHQShop
  • 29
    redrum @redrum21e8 because of the implication O carrharrt @carrharrt. 1d She said yea 4:07 PM 7/25/25.746K Views 87 17863 18K 435
    via @redrum21e8
  • 30
    musa @ohgodpickles ', my phone was stolen while i was in valencia, so if you receive messages from me asking for your feet pics it means ive already recovered it 5:14 PM 8/1/25 399K Views > 25 1 764 20K 453 企
    via @ohgodpickles
  • 31
    Ron Iver @ronnui Friend: Do you want soda? Me: No I don't drink soda, it's kinda unhealthy. Friend: Do you want rum and coke? Me: That's literally the same thing but with a neurotoxin. But yeah actually. 1:03 PM 8/1/25 710K Views 38 • 1.4K 44K ☐ 642 1
    via @ronnui_
  • 32
    Thrilla the Gorilla ❤ @ThrillaRilla369 Verizon Plan: $65 Unlimited Your Verizon Bill: $185.67 6:39 PM 7/31/25 9.8M Views • 2.7K 17 9.9K 151K
    via @ThrillaRilla369
  • 33
    owen cyclops @owenbroadcast parenting can give you an insight into other cultures. i always found those german kids stories disturbing but now that i have kids i totally get the temptation to say stuff like "yeah stop touching the garbage can or das canbeast will come and eat your neck and fingers tonight”. 4:13 PM 8/1/25 76K Views • 24 17239 4.9K 172 企
    via @owenbroadcast
  • 34
    JAEL @elle91 In high school, I was complaining about how long the school day was and my teacher turned to me and said, "the days are long, but the years are short" and I was like "what the f are you talking about you lunatic" and then the bell rang and now I'm in my 30s. 9:29 AM 7/31/25 2.7M Views 176 1 16K 217K 8.1K 企
    via @elle91
  • 35
    trumaniac @HSTrumaniac My favorite thing about this tweet is that people were basically saying it to Lincoln all the time when he was alive Sasha von Didkovsky @sashavond i've never met anyone who even kinda looks like this 3:37 PM 7/31/25 9.5M Views 1.1K 1 5.9K 176K 18K ↑
    via @HSTrumaniac
  • 36
    Le'Veon Bell @LeVeonBell Dear Apple, at no point will I ever text someone "he'll yeah" .. 7:16 PM 7/31/25 300K Views 197 1583 11K 39 ↑
    via @LeVeonBell
  • 37
    jay @kendallhosseini going to buy a celsius energy drink looking for the vodka seltzer like its wonka's golden ticket CRAVE POP Pop Crave @PopCrave .5h High Noon warns consumers that some of its vodka seltzers were accidentally labeled as Celsius energy drinks. SUGAR 100 CALORIES GLUT HIGH NOON SUN SIPS WATERMELON CELSIUS. LIVE FIT VODKA & SODA BLACK CHERRY MADE WITH REAL JUICE VOCKA WITH REAL FRUIT JUICE KLING WATER & NATURAL FLA 45% 355 SPARKLING WATERMELON ESSENTIAL ENERGY ACCELERATES METABOL
    via @kendallhosseini
  • 38
    Jae @Real_jaeflex Who do you think sang Radioactive, Enemy and Believer? Sr4PH!M @96nsuave • 7/25/24 Bro imagine dragons were real Balerion Vermithor Dreamfyre Meleys Drogon Vhagar Approximate size of a human Rheagel 1.80 meters Caraxes Seasmoke Syrax
    via @Real_jaeflex
  • 39
    jay ✰⭑ @jayythewave this is the spot where i met the funniest people in my life 12:20 PM 7/30/25 1.7M Views • 198 17 5K 42K 1.9K
    via @jayythewave
  • 40
    taoki @justalexoki my brother has girl issues and has been running everything through chatgpt. turns out she has too. essentially just chatgpt in a relationship with chatgpt 6:31 PM 8/1/25 • 1M Views 210 tz 1K 39K 1.6K ↑
    via @justalexoki
  • 41
    Alejo ⭑ @bjs_alejo2 • 8:49 PM 8/1/25 2.3M Views
    via @bjs_alejo2
  • 42
    JACOB EVERETT @blauer_geist I've always considered the U-turn to be the least dignified traffic maneuver. 8:21 PM 8/1/25 946K Views 380 1.1K 38K ☐ 747 ↑
    via @blauer_geist
  • 43
    Zach @jestermaxxing Fire engines should be blue like their ally, water, instead of their enemy, fire. 7:35 PM 8/2/25 145K Views 26 tz 241 5.3K 125
    via @jestermaxxing

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