'I don’t like them either, the difference is, I don’t feel the need to pretend': Coworkers are baffled when employee refuses to socialize with them during lunch break, despite them repeatedly insulting her behind her back

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Aug 26, 2025 7:00 PM EDT

They say, 'Don't bite the hand that feeds you.' But what if all that the hand feeds you are insults, isolation, and a toxic work environment? Then is it okay to bite back? This employee is shocked by her coworker's entitlement, mixed with bundles of delusions. After they constantly talk about her behind her back and even to her face, she is left feeling surprised when they start making illogical comments about how unengaging and antisocial she is with them. 

It's kind of like having that nerdy kid from high school, who everyone used to laugh at, become the CEO of a crazy, successful company. Then, discovering the kid who made his school years a living nightmare has become the janitor there…You meet, he hits you with the 'Omg, John, remember me, it's Jimmy man!' and suddenly you give him an all-forgiving embrace and offer him a partner position. No…It just wouldn't happen! Because how can you be all 'bestie-bestie' with someone who gave you the nickname that still won't budge…?

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  • Unfortunately, life isn't about ensuring that the people who make you miserable experience eternal happiness. In fact, if you choose to avoid any unnecessary engagements with them, we understand. Coworkers who pretend to like each other sort of mimic the kind of couples who hate their relationship, and remain there out of fear of being alone. But the more you're in their presence, the worse you feel about yourself. Sometimes it's okay to divorce your co-workers in real life, too!

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    Excluded employee standing away from her group of coworkers
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    Coworkers talk s*t about me behind my back, but get all bu**hurt if I’m not friendly with them.

    "You didn't say good morning." "You didn't even look at me once all day." "What's wrong with you? You've been so quiet all day."
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    One of them takes it very personally that I refuse to socialize with them during my lunch hour.
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    (Speaking of lunch. We get one hour. They very often take 1.5 to 2 hour breaks. But if I come back two minutes past the hour or
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    leave one minute early? They can take all the time they want, but my punctuality better be flawless.)
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    All the both of them have ever done is take anything they've learned about me and used it as gossip material, or even worse,
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    use it as ammo to directly insult me. If I ask too many questions, God forbid make a mistake, if I get up from my desk too many
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    times, they talk absolute st about me over it. Any signs of me behaving like an imperfect being is all they need.
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    But yet, I need to be friendly and social with them?! I'm sorry, but in what universe do I need to go out of my way to be friendly with
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    people who have proven time and time again that they will only insult me when I turn my back? I'm polite and professional,
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    because I have to be. And that's all I'll ever be with them. What is this though? Clearly they don't like me. Which is fine, I
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    don't like them either. For obvious reasons. But the difference is, I don't feel the need to pretend. If they hate me so dan much, why do they care how sociable I am with them?
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    Lady refusing to acknowledge someone
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    LegionSeeker Going through the same thing at my job. Unfortunately I'm searching to replace my job because the animosity from my coworkers is too much for me to put up with. It can really mess with your mental wellbeing. Your coworkers are b lies. Change jobs if you can. Working with them isn't worth the stress that will build up on you later.
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    ElectricDreamGoth Reminds me of a woman I used to work with. I cried when I found out the things she'd say about me behind my back because I didn't think she was like that. My behaviour changed towards her after that, I was more guarded and kept to myself, and oh, did she hate that.
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    ImNewHereAgain0802 I have been working in this EXACT environment for just about two years. I'm not in a place to leave this job, so I've just stopped talking to everyone unless I'm asked something work and ONLY work related. It s ks, but the management isn't changing the dynamic to a healthier and more fair one for the whole team. You'll figure out what you need to do for your peace.
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    QueenK59 Sounds like Mean Girls and you are not in the clique. They need to grow up. We are not in High School anymore.
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    goodashbadash79 I work in an office, and deal with the same exact thing! The only difference is they say their complaints behind my back, and are fake- friendly to my face. I don't know which is worse. At least when they say it to your face, you can have a snappy come-back!
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    Pitiful_Recording287 They pay you to be there and do work not worry about these adults' feelings. You're allowed to not be social with people at work, just like they're allowed to gossip. Be polite and short. No need to feed into their demands
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    Machine8635 Well... I would be talking s t to their face, Then. And I really mean AT their face. But, in a mechanic the rules are different here.
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    Inside of an office
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    Vivian Diane They want a source of gossip and a target for their b ying. You've removed yourself as a target. Their complaints are them missing their favorite punching bag. Stay professional, stay distant, and let them seethe.
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    PrettyFlyNHi Find a new job, I encountered these dynamics multiple times and it goes one of the same ways: 1. You continue to be openly discomforted they will continue forever and eventually harm your career, it's basically mobbing. 2. You speak up to HR or Management and they will make you the problem.
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    3. Depending on your location you can collect evidence and go the legal route, which can be financially rewarding. Any fighting back will help your psyche, mental health, self respect and in the longterm your career. 4. Ignore it and continue the work there, consider the toll it takes on you mentally, mental health is really important!
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boss antiwork workplace-stories employee hr drama work coworkers fake horrible coworkers workplace friendly social behind-her-back Hypocrisy gossip
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