'Shocked to learn the fund was empty': 25-year-old man refuses to pay father's debts after discovering he used his college fund to secretly pay for his brother’s massive wedding, faces guilt trip from rest of family for holding "grudge"

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Aug 28, 2025 7:00 AM EDT

Ahhhh, that feeling when you discover that your father's used your entire college fund to finance your brother's extravagant wedding…there's nothing quite like it! There's something about him doing it behind your back that makes it even more thrilling…and the best part? Years later after putting yourself through college and building a life for yourself without any help, he decides that you're the perfect brother to come to as he faces some "financial complications…" 

"Sorry, Dad, but that ship sailed alongside the synchronized swimmers you hired for Big Brother's wedding day!" In this case, saying no would be a fair assumption of anyone being treated like the last slice of their $3000 four-tier wedding cake (we would be panicking too!) But when everyone's dug their forks into you, there's not much more you can give…But the audacity for your family to turn around with a bigger sob-story than your brother's vows…claiming that the grudges you're carrying really must be weighing you down…Oh shush! The only thing weighing him down is the student loans he's had to pay off thanks to his father's dishonest behavior!... It's fine, though, who needs two educated sons anyway?!

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  • Will this son be able to forgive his father in need, or will the fact that he was willing to throw away his son's future for a single night-event keep him from waving a white flag? Perhaps his favoritism shone too brightly for him to ever expect any favors from his neglected son. It could be time to finally call in the other brother to pay his debt where owed… 

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    Couple celebrating after their wedding ceremony
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    WIBTA for not helping my dad financially after he drained my college fund to pay for my brother’s wedding?

    When I (25M) was a teenager, my parents told me they had a college fund for me. I worked hard in school, got into a great
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    university, and was shocked to learn the fund was empty. Turns out, my dad used most of it to help pay for my older brother's massive wedding.
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    I ended up taking loans and working my bt off. Fast-forward to now: I've built a decent career, and my dad recently asked me for
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    help paying off some of his debts. I told him no, because I'm still paying off my student loans that wouldn't exist if he hadn't raided my fund.
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    My dad says I'm "holding a grudge" and being ungrateful because "family helps family." My mom is guilt-tripping me, saying
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    he's still my father and I should support him in his old age. WIBTA if I stood firm and refused to help?
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    Man counting his money (dollars)
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    WeirdcoolWilson "No. I'm paying off student loan debt. Ask my brother, you paid for his wedding. He owes you"
    via WeirdcoolWilson
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    Ok-Professional2468 Your brother and his wife can support your dad. After all, your brother benefited from your dad's largesse.
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    scotswaehey And SO what if you are holding a grudge? Is that some pathetic attempt by your dad to guilt trip you into handing over money?
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    Let me see what is the priority here? 1) I can put money away for my second son's college and future OR 2) I can blast that money on a one time event/wedding for my eldest son who I have already paid for his college?
    via scotswaehey
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    Patient_Gas_5245 NTA, tell him it's not a grudge that your financial obligations come first and that if he needs money that badly go ask his favorite child for it.
    via Patient_Gas_5245
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    Any Assumption_2023 If family helps family, where is your college fund??
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    MsPB01 "Dad, I'll give you the same help you gave me with college - oh, wait...you didn't."
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    DynkoFrom The North NTA, I'd reiterate that you can't help him because, thanks to him, you lack the funds to do so. Also, I'd like to know what Golden Boy, your elder brother, is bringing to the table. Is he helping his father out of this massive hole?
    via DynkoFrom
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    A beautiful, floral wedding set-up outside
    via studiospain

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 18
    Jenk1972 NTA Sounds like it's time for your brother to repay your father's generosity. But not you. At all. Ever.
    via Jenk1972
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    Alternative-Deal3476 the wedding was an ego trip and I suspect dad overspent more for himself than your brother and now he has more debt for you to pay again? god bless if you pay, but responsibly why would you?
    via Alternative-Deal3476
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    Laughing Dragon_77 He's in debt; you're in debt. He should ask someone that isn't in debt.
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    Last-Campaign-3373 Tell them you absolutely are holding a grudge, and that you deserve to hold this grudge, and that some things can't be so easily forgiven. Especially if they haven't actually apologized, and doubly since they put you in debt for something as frivolous as a sibling's wedding. NTA
    via Last-Campaign-3373
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    IntelligentWay8475 Nope not at all. He took money meant for your education and blew it on a d n wedding. He is the a ole. So is your brother since I'm sure he knew where the money came from.
    via IntelligentWay8475
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    No_Tough3666 Stand your ground. Real parents don't steal from their children and REAL parents don't ask their children to pay off their debts. Tell him once your student loans are paid off maybe you can help. Tell him to ask your brother
    via No_Tough3666
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    alicat777777 As long as you have loans, you are not in a financial position for handouts. And as you said, you wouldn't be in this shape if he hadn't rated your college fund. NTA
    via alicat777777
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    Garden_Lady2 Nope, NTA. Tell your parents that your brother is the one who seems to owe them help since they stole thousands from your fund to give to him. BTW, really curious, is your brother still married? You really owe your parents nothing, not one dime.
    via Garden_Lady2

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ask-brother family drama secret FAIL stealing loans brother help out college fund askreddit debt wedding without-permission family grudges money son Father
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