'She accused me of robbing her': Baker refuses to give sister-in-law chocolate cake recipe, flips out when she finds it online and bakes it for son's birthday

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Aug 29, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

Food can be a very personal thing, which at its best becomes the stuff of happy memories. Many of us have specific recipes that we will forever associate with a loved one who cooked them for us, and if we cook ourselves, there are likely people who think the same about some of our creations. Taste and smell are very evocative senses in that way.

As a result, it is not uncommon for some people to get a little territorial with recipes that become associated with them. They want to be known as the cook who makes that thing and does it the best. If anybody tries to emulate what they make without prior approval, resentment can easily build. While some may feel like it is just a recipe, for them, it could be something much more meaningful. In this case, they usually do not feel like sharing is caring. 

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  • 01
    close up of hands using sieve to sift cocoa powder
    via Sorin Gheorghita

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • One woman found this out the hard way when she did her research and baked a cake that was strikingly similar to her sister-in-law's beloved recipe for her son's birthday. She had previously asked if she would tell her how to make it, but her request was declined.

    When this sister-in-law arrived at her nephew's birthday party and realized that her relative had successfully tried to copy her prized cake, she became very upset and had to leave. Some attendees accused the mom of being insensitive, but she wanted a second opinion.

  • 02

    Am I wrong for finding my SIL's recipe and using it?

    My SIL makes a delicious chocolate cake with cherries. It always looked perfect, like something you would find on Instagram. So when she made it recently for my MIL's birthday, I asked her for the recipe. She said no. Nothing more.
    via Altruistic-cake-79
  • 03
    Well, okay. When I got home, I started searching for similar recipes on Google. It took me over two hours, but I finally found a YouTube channel where someone was recreating old recipes that used to be printed on food. One of them was a recipe for chocolate cake with cherries, and the end result was very similar to what SIL was making.
    via Altruistic-cake-79
  • 04
    slice of chocolate cake with cherry on top
    via Ayesha Firdaus
  • 05
    I tried it. It tasted very similar but something still was off. Then I did a few more experiments until I finally got a taste that was 99% similar. So, this time it was my son's birthday. He's a fan of this cake too, so last year I asked my SIL to make it, but this year I managed do to it myself.
    via Altruistic-cake-79
  • 06
    My SIL was one of the last people to arrive, when the cake was already on the table, and... when she saw it, she immediately went crazy. Like, I'm not even joking, she literally started screaming at me "what's that supposed to mean?!" and she accused me of robbing her. I told her I simply found the recipe online and used it. She told me she didn't believe me and started screaming that I had ruined something that belonged to her, that the cake was definitely bad, etc. My FIL literally had to calm
    via Altruistic-cake-79
  • 07
    The rest went quite peacefully, luckily my son was with his friends in the garden when it happened so he didn't see the worst of it, only the moment when my SIL was leaving with FIL. But after birthday, many people started writing to me saying I did it on purpose, that I was being mean and that I should apologize to my SIL.
    via Altruistic-cake-79
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    close up of woman with a mascara-streaked tear running down her face
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 09

    People agreed the SIL was overreacting, although some felt that the situation required more tact.

    SunsetWhisper_ NTA, imo. Recipe gatekeeping? C'mon The internet's chock full of recipes and yours deserves a round of applause Experimentation is key in cooking, dude. Sure, it's your SIL's fave recipe, but it ain't her exclusive patent. She got no chill lol. Your cake was for your kiddo's happiness and if she can't respect that, her issue, not yours. Just enjoy the cake Let her be salty. Don't apologize for making a bomb cake! victories! 100
    via SunsetWhisper_
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    Think_Substance_1790 Just show her the recipe you found online, and tell her I subbed this for that and added this. It'll remove any doubt, but tbh, you shouldn't have to. I have a friend who is an amazing Baker, and she keeps her recipes because its her business, so fair, but another friend baked cupcakes the other week and they were just as good, looked similar, tasted amazing.
    via Think_Substance_1790
  • 11
    No accusations, no hate, no baking something bigger and better to show off, literally just accepted that people can learn skills, and there are going to be similarities. If I make an apple crumble, or a pie, is aunt Bessie gonna knock my door down and threaten legal action because it tastes similar, but mine has bigger chunks of apple and more sauce? No. Because baking isnt a gatekeep skill. If anything, it should make her happy you took it up and enjoyed doing it.
    via Think_Substance_1790
  • 12
    She just wants to be the Baker in the family, so if anything, keep your cakes for your side, and let her ego have the rest. She clearly needs it.
    via Think_Substance_1790
  • 13
    Recent Body_5784 Since this whole post is about how gatekeeping isn't the way, why don't you go ahead and share that recipe with us OP?
    via Recent_Body_5784
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    Witty_Jello_8470 While I think that your SIL is being ridiculous, a little nagging voice in my brain tells me that you did it on purpose.
    via Witty_Jello_8470
  • 15
    Personal-Heart-1227 Your SiL is definitely a Bitter Betty who's cray-cray, a nasty control freak who also suffers from an extremely fragile ego to boot. She was also trying to hide the fact she actually borrowed **ahem, stole**** that recipe from Google, while trying to pass that as her own master piece of to-di -for cake for her extended family members.
    via Personal-Heart-1227
  • 16
    That cake recipe probably came from the back of the box of your typical Grocery Store chocolate cake mix, or someone who doctored up the chocolate cake mix then posted it online, which she then pilfered as her own creation. If that's the case, just be honest about that as most ppl wouldn't really care about that!
    via Personal-Heart-1227
  • 17
    You owe her zip, let alone an apology to her or anyone else for that matter. Keep on baking your delicious chocolate/cherries cake for you & your family to further enjoy, whenever you feel like it. Your SiL can go jump the polluted lake as far as your concerned. ΝΤΑ
    via Personal-Heart-1227
  • 18
    JoyReader0 Just send them all the YouTube link, saying that you used that and tweaked it a bit, and everybody with an internet connection and an oven can do the same thing.
    via JoyReader0
  • 19
    Life_Temperature2506 Tell her you're glad she liked it and offer her the recipe. NTA
    via Life_Temperature2506
  • 20
    TrappedInHyperspace NTA You made a chocolate cake using a recipe you found online. SIL needs to chill.
    via TrappedInHyperspace
  • 21
    Anastriannnna It's clear your SIL overreacted. And the recipe you found online isn't hers. Still, it was a bit of a I move to make this exact cake, which is important to her for the party she's attending. Obviously, the recipe isn't hers if she didn't create it herself, and she shouldn't react that way. But you knew it was important to her and that she felt special somehow when she made it. There are hundreds of chocolate cake recipes, yet you made the exact
    via Anastriannnna
  • 22
    same cake, put it right in front of her, and even made sure it tasted the same. Her behavior was stupid; if it made her feel bad, she should have kept it to herself and not made a drama about the recipe. But from your side your move was petty too. ESH
    via Anastriannnna
  • 23
    oceanswim63 NTA - I've found a few of my late mom's hand written special recipes in an old Betty Crocker Cookbook. Most special recipes aren't original but from the back of a box, old newspapers or cookbooks.
    via oceanswim63

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baking sister in law cake family drama aita birthday recipe Party argument family reddit thread Reddit son entitled people
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