19-year-old student taking a gap year off school refuses her parents' demands that she get a job and pay them rent and other living costs: '[My mom] just dismissed me and said they always cook and I should pay for the food that is handed to me'

Graduating from high school and stepping out into the real world is a heck of an experience.

One minute you're sitting in the flight simulator that is childhood and schooling, and the next minute you find yourself strapped into the pilot's seat of a fighter jet in combat, screaming around at Mach 2 in a real-life or death situation.

Going through your senior year of high school, there's this real sense of purpose, that you're on a path and life will continue to guide you upon it. But that path quickly disappears into the underbrush, and for the senior summer after graduation, that clock is ticking, seeing just what direction you will find yourself pointing in. 

Of course, if your situation permits and you go off to university, the simulator continues—well, simulating. Sure, you have increased self-determination and individuality, for better or for worse, but there's not this readily apparent breaking point that comes when you find yourself totally out of school.

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    "[Am I wrong] for refusing to pay my parents rent?"

    A woman in a brown shirt removes a book from the university library shelf
    via Yunus Tuğ

    The image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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  • Still, you'll have adult responsibilities for your own well-being and expenses. And it's important to learn how to navigate these things. It's starting, just how quickly the training wheels come off once you're paying your own way. So it's important to learn that lesson.

    This teen thought she was going to take the year off after high school, often referred to as a "gap year," and that she'd be able to stay at her parents ' separate places for free. They weren't having any of it through and, probably concerned that that “gap year” was going to become a “gap life,” began by setting some incentive for her to get her life together by asking her to pay her own way.

  • 02
    I (19F) graduated earlier this year and made the decision to take a gap year before I continue on studying next fall. This wasn't a spur of the moment decision. I have talked with my mom about this for years after taking her recommendation to take a gap year. After struggling with a really heavy depre s on for years, I
    via [deleted]
  • 03
    got my first real job last winter and have been working there since. Its a part time position of only 3h a week and even though it was perfect for when I was in school, since graduating I have been actively looking for another job so I can save up some extra cash for when I do move away to University.
    via [deleted]
  • 04
    In the midst of me applying for jobs so I could save more money every month (since it was difficult to save enough on my current paychecks) my mom called me and explained how she and my dad, who are separated and live apart, wanted me to start paying them rent to live at home. This really caught me off guard and I broke down completely. Not once had
    via [deleted]
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  • 05
    she or my dad ever brought this up to me before. I asked why they wanted me to pay to live at home when she was the one who told me not to move right away after graduation and to live at home for an extra year, and she said it was money I would pay them to cover the cost of food and groceries whilst I live at home. This would have
    via [deleted]
  • 06
    been a very reasonable point if it weren't for the fact that I have been buying and making my own food for months. The majority of my paychecks go to groceries since I have always been very particular about my diet and decided that just being in charge of own grocery shopping would be easier than asking for a separate dish that they would have to cook. I explained all of this to
    via [deleted]
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    her, asked why they want me to pay them for buying groceries for me when I already use my own money for my everyday meals, and she just dismissed me and said they always cook and I should pay for the food that is handed to me. I can't be unreasonable for refusing to pay for something I don't even eat right? And yes, I tell them ahead that I will be making my own lunch or dinner and I don't need them to cook for me so they don't.
    via [deleted]
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  • 08
    So, am I the a hole for telling my mom I won't pay her or my dad "grocery money" for as long as I live at home since I already use my money to buy groceries for myself?
    via [deleted]
  • 09
    (edit) To specify, I mainly live at my dads place simply due to personal preference and since my parents are on good terms, I would be paying one of them but they'd share it if that makes sense. They talked about this together but my mother was the one who brought it up to me! She also added that this was so I'd get a push
    via [deleted]
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    to get another job even though I have explained on multiple occasions that I have been actively applying for jobs for weeks and recently got another one. I also told her that I could move out and get my own place for 9 months before moving again but was told I really should stay at home since they thought that would be better.
    via [deleted]
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  • 11
    A woman in a red shirt leans on a red pole
    via Joshua Rawson-Harris

    The image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the ahle: I told my mom I wouldn't be paying her or my dad rent that initially would cover the costs of groceries for as long as I live at home and that could be considered an a hole thing to do
    via [deleted]
  • 13
    parodytx YTA. Not in school, living at home, getting paid at a job, you pay rent. It doesn't matter how the parents justify what the rent is FOR, only that you must pay. (You conveniently ignore that you use their furniture, their hot water, probably their cosmetic and cleaning products, water and electricity, internet, phone plans, insurance, etc. etc.)
    via [deleted]
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  • 14
    You are not getting sympathy here. You are getting a spectacular deal. Be aware if you fight this harder, your parents are absolutely allowed to literally evict you and tell you to go rent somewhere else and then pay your groceries, PLUS housing, PLUS utilities, PLUS equipping and furnishing your own space. Be grateful you are getting the deal you have. Save all you can and move out when you can support yourself.
    via [deleted]
  • 15
    GenxBaby2 YTA You are an adult. You need to start taking care of yourself. If you don't want to pay one of your parents rent, move in with roommates once you get a job with greater earning potential.
    via [deleted]
  • 16
    CaptBenjaminSisko Yta. You don't seem to understand that the cost of housing you isn't limited to what you personally eat and drink. Taking a "gap year" is an incredible luxury.
    via [deleted]
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  • 17
    roosterSause42 ΥΤΑ Welcome to being an adult <- That's what your parents are saying to you. You are an adult now and aren't in school - your parents as a continuing effort to prepare you to live as an adult now want you to pay some rent. Pay the rent or move out and pay rent somewhere else.... my guess is your parents' rent will be lower than what you'll find elsewhere.
    via [deleted]

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