'I'm husband free & kid free… I love my peace!': 50-year-old grandma raised kids her entire life as the oldest sibling and married young, now with 10 grandkids she refuses to babysit

Author image for Elna McHilderson
Elna McHilderson • Managing Editor
Sep 30, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

This is a tricky one! Woman have been forced into mother positions for decades from very young ages. If you're the oldest daughter, you take care of the other siblings; if you get into a traditional marriage, then you are taking care of all of the kids; and if your kids have kids, as the grandmother, you are now also obligated to help care for those grandkids. It's all so exhausting. But then again, it takes a village to raise a family, right? 

 

This woman was the eldest sibling growing up and basically raised all of her brothers and sisters. Then, she got married at 20 and started having kids of her own. However, her husband became sickly and she had to get several jobs on top of being the mother and care taker for her ill husband. Now, a 50-year-old grandmother, her husband has passed and her kids have all grown up. She wants to live her life free and for herself. However, her kids now have kids of their own and come to her for help with babysitting, rearing, etc. She doesn't want to do any mothering roles anymore! But isn't that what you sign up for when you have kids, to be a mother for the rest of your life? But she was only 20 when she started having kids, did she even know better?? It's all so tricky…

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  • Cheezburger Image 10559640832
    via Unsplash+ (and Kateryna Hliznitsova)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • "AITA for not babysitting my grandkids?"

    | 50yr old female do not want to babysit my grandchildren unless I choose to. I am the first born grandchild in my family.
    via Aprilfool75
  • I am also Gen X. Being the oldest Sister & cousin led to me having to be "in charge", & stuck babysitting every one's kids from the age of 9.
    via Aprilfool75
  • This continued until I had my own family. I married young at 19. We were married for 20 years & had 5 kids of our own.
    via Aprilfool75
  • One set of twins included in that bunch. Things were very difficult for me as my husband developed health issues when our kids were very young.
    via Aprilfool75
  • This left me to carry the load of working, raising the kids & making sure he was cared for as well.
    via Aprilfool75
  • My friends actually use to joke me saying that I was a married single Mom. Fast forward to now(2025), husband passed on.
    via Aprilfool75
  • All of the kids are adults. I now have 10 grandchildren. I am somehow expected to babysit & help with the grandchildren.
    via Aprilfool75
  • 2 of my daughters live out of state & when we have visits & gatherings I am expected to babysit so my kids can go out & do things with each other.
    via Aprilfool75
  • One of them actually wants me to relocate in order to help with her child. Last summer I was left with 4 kids ages 5,3,2 & 1 for hours while the parents went to dinner with friends.
    via Aprilfool75
  • I was livid. I'm burnt out after having been married most of my adult life & watching kids. most of my entire life!
    via Aprilfool75
  • I don't want to watch these children. I love them & spending time as a family is great...with their parents there to care for them.
    via Aprilfool75
  • However as far as me being left alone to care for children, I'm not excited or interested.
    via Aprilfool75
  • I'm husband free & kid free. I live alone, love my peace, quiet & cleanliness. I also still work multiple gigs.
    via Aprilfool75
  • I don't want to watch anymore kids. I won't even date men with small kids because I don't want to end up in any kind of step mom role.
    via Aprilfool75
  • Cheezburger Image 10559641088
    via Unsplash+ (and Getty Images)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • As a woman, heck yeah, grandma! Go live the life you never could! However, as an integral part of any family, the matriarch, it's kind of selfish to think you can just opt out of motherly/grandmotherly duties… What do you think?

  • Creative-Passenger76 NTA. You just need to lay it all out for them. You were responsible for your children. They are responsible for theirs.
    via Creative-Passenger76
  • Todd_and_Margo I mean.....Yeeesh. This is tricky. As a woman, no you're NTA bc you aren't obligated to do anything you don't want to do. But, candidly, as a Mom, you kinda sk. If my mother sat me down (as some other commenters have suggested) and explained to me that she never really enjoyed raising me
    via Todd_and_Margo
  • and is trying to enjoy her life now that I'm not her problem anymore and told me she didn't want to provide childcare ever for my kids, that wouldn't be a problem she needed to worry about anymore bc I would never come visit her ever again. But in fairness, your kids may have a better relationship with you than I have with my Mom. She burned
    via Todd_and_Margo
  • me one too many times, and I now do not go visit her ever. I've seen her once in the last three years bc she came to see me. She asks me regularly to come visit her, but I'm not remotely interested. She has made it clear that she cares about herself first and foremost. And she's allowed to do that just as I'm allowed to not really ever see her anymore.
    via Todd_and_Margo
  • Likewise you are well within your rights to not give your adult children a night out, but they are also well within their rights to decide you aren't worth the effort it takes to visit.
    via Todd_and_Margo

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Tags

womanhood grandparenting single mother family drama grandkids drama grandma inner peace grandchildren gen x mental health living alone family grandparents Reddit it takes a village raising kids grandmother adult children
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