‘He's proven he has no intention of getting his life together’: Man urges fiancée to kick her 23-year-old son out of the house after he blows through his $1k+ student loan, claiming she is enabling his irresponsible behavior

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Oct 4, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

Seeing someone you care about waste their potential is a different kind of pain; You feel as though you could've done something to help them, prevent them from ruining what little drive they had left to change their ways and be the best version of themselves. Unfortunately, you cannot save someone who doesn't want to be saved. The sad truth hurts, but in the end, saves you a lot more pain when you exert all of your energy on someone who refuses to accept it. Now, you're both tired and upset.

In this next story, a man explains that his future stepson, who is 23, has not had success in life thus far. That is, making a career for himself. He lacks drive, and the man and his fiancée cover all of his expenses.

When the stepson becomes indebted to the man, the man takes this as an opportunity to teach his future stepson the importance of budgeting and setting up a career path for himself before he's too far gone. So, the young adult enrolls in HVAC school, but soon drops out and spends the student loan money on random things. The man was livid, to say the least. Scroll to read.

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  • "He took the opportunity I argued for him to have and literally gambled it away."
    via Natalia Blauth For Unsplash+

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • "AITA for telling my fiancée she's enabling her son and that he has to leave after he blew his student loan money?"

    My (M40s) fiancée's (F40s) son "Connor" (23) has been living with us for about a year and a half. The
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  • arrangement is that he doesn't pay any rent or bills; his only contribution is cutting the grass.
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  • Over the years, we've both helped him out financially. He still owes me $500 from two years
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  • ago when he was short on rent, and he owes my fiancée over $400 that she gave him just a couple of months ago for a suit and other things.
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  • Recently, things were looking up. Connor enrolled in HVAC school, and we were both really proud of him for taking that step. The
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  • only hurdle was that he has a suspended driver's license from an incident in Georgia where he was in an accident
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  • while driving without insurance and then missed his court date. He would need his license back to have a career in HVAC. A few days
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  • ago, Connor received a student loan refund check for $1,030. This is where the problem started. My fiancée
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  • said he should use that money to finally pay me and her back. I disagreed. In fact, when he started school, I had
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  • already told Connor that he didn't have to pay back my $500. I said that him going to school and doing the hard work was payment
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  • enough for me. I told my fiancée we should let him keep all the refund money and use it to pay off his fines in Georgia.
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  • My thinking was that getting his license back was an investment in his future and more important than any old debts. She was
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  • hesitant, but I pushed for my idea. Well, Connor got the money, and my plan went up in smoke literally. Instead of
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  • paying his fines, he spent the money on Ubers to the club, weed and going to the casino. Then he dropped some bulls on us: he's
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  • dropping out of HVAC school and is just going to get a job at a warehouse instead. I was ped. He took the
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  • opportunity I argued for him to have and literally gambled it away. He didn't pay his fines, he didn't pay us back, and he
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  • quit the one promising thing he had going for him, which was my one condition for forgiving his debt to me. I tried to talk to
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  • him, telling him that there's no money in warehouse work and he'd just be broke.
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  • person holding an empty wallet
    via Towfiqu barbhuiya for Unsplash

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • He had the nerve to turn and say to me, "You are broke." The funny thing is, I pay all the bills that keep a roof over his head.
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  • After that, I was completely done. I went to my fiancée and told her that Connor had to leave.
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  • I said, "You are enabling him by letting him stay here another day. If he doesn't want to help himself, he needs to go." She got very
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  • upset and said that she can't just abandon him and that she "can't do that" because it's her son. I feel like
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  • my trust was betrayed and he's proven he has no intention of getting his life together. So,
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  • AITA for telling my fiancée she's enabling him and that he needs to leave our house immediately?
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  • Weak-Ad-7180 Absolutely NTA. Stop enabling him. It will make everything worse if you keep letting him mooch off you for free.
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  • idekbro19485727 I agree with you. Not sure your financials but I would have done exactly what you pushed for. You gave him the opportunity and now it's his turn to learn the hard way. Push him out. Bra
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  • Puzzleheaded-Bear766 OP, you are 100% correct. I have been through this myself, and the situation is not going to get any better.
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  • Purple-Goat6552 Your fiancée is being used by her son too manipulate the situation. He needs to go, but mommy will not allow it. You are in a bad situation with him and her for a couple of years if you force him out. You are in a worse situation that will affect you and her until... well, forever if you cave. This can brake your relationship with her. NTA
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