23-year-old refuses to pay $20/day to stay in friend's apartment while she looks for a job, won't contribute anything to the household: 'Your friend is the one using you'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Oct 10, 2025 10:00 PM EDT

When you're staying with someone, you have to make sure you're a good houseguest. It's just the laws of common decency. You would hate it if someone crashed on your couch for weeks on end, interrupting your routine without ever offering to cook you dinner or contribute to groceries. You wouldn't want someone to do that to you, so why do it to someone else? But it's simple to be a good houseguest. Don't stay too long, keep your area clean, offer to help out, and maintain a friendship outside of needing them for things. You would hate for them to think that you're just using them for your space. Especially if they're one of your friends who live in a high-cost-of-living area and have a desirable apartment, like the friend in this story. 

When the host felt like she was being taken advantage of, she thought of a pretty simple solution. She would charge her friend a base rate for the use of her apartment. The friend didn't take to this kindly, though, and saw it as a slap in the face. 

Advertisement
  • 01
    A houseguest sleeps on a friend's couch with his feet up.
    via Unsplash+ (Curated Lifestyle)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • The way the host saw it, though, she was doing her a favor by saving her friend a lot of money. Hotels are famously expensive, plus she was sparing herself from a longer commute if she stayed with another friend. This wasn't enough for the friend, though, who wanted her cake and to eat it too. Read on for the story. 

  • 02

    Am I in the wrong to ask a friend to contribute if they want to live with me while they look for an apartment in my city

    I (25F) live in a HCOL city and live in a small studio alone and pay quite a bit in rent $2800 for a 400sq studio. I had a friend (23F) from college that got a job in my city about 15 minutes from my apartment.
    via u/HistoricalStop7133
  • 03
    When she told me I congratulated her and she made a comment about staying with me. This didn't sit well with me as she had stayed for weekends several times over the last few months and hadn't made any effort to help contribute to the weekends (not helping call Ubers, asking to borrow my clothes because she
    via u/HistoricalStop7133
  • 04
    didn't pack enough). The next time I talked to her I mentioned if she waned to stay with me once her job started I'd appreciate if contributed $20 a day to help cover water and pge and to help cover the cost of rent if she wants to use my space and save on commuting. I also mentioned if she would like my help finding
    via u/HistoricalStop7133
  • 05
    an apartment sooner mid month I could refer her to my building and split the referral bonus with her ($750 each). She told me my apartment was too expensive for her budget (which upsets me because she expects to stay with me for free)
    via u/HistoricalStop7133
  • 06
    She said she would rather stay with a neighboring friend 1.5 hours away and pay to ride the train. I was fine with this as I'm in a small apartment and hosting someone during the work week would be majorly disruptive to my schedule.
    via u/HistoricalStop7133
  • 07
    During her staying with her other friend, the other friend needed her space back for a date night. My friend asked to stay with me but refused to give any details of what time she come over or any other plans- during this I am actively trying to make plans with her because other people were
    via u/HistoricalStop7133
  • 08
    making plans with me as well, I wanted to make a game plan for the weekend. She did not end up staying with me that weekend. This weekend happened to be a big festival event in my city and I didn't want to go, but she wanted to go. This furthered my feeling of being used for my apartment.
    via u/HistoricalStop7133
  • 09
    She later told me that she felt I was using her for money, but to me it felt like she was using me for my apartment especially after experiencing her as a house guest during fun weekends. AITA? EDIT/ more context
    via u/HistoricalStop7133
  • 10
    This happened about a year ago but I have been feeling guilty about this as we have not talked in a year since this has happened. I have made effort to invite her to group events after this incident and was ignored. This is in combination of her inviting herself and her friend to my vacation but not wanting to make contributions to accommodations/ weren't willing to make a plan.
    via u/HistoricalStop7133
  • 11

    Commenters agreed that she was right to set a boundary.

    BlondDee1970 · 17h ago NTA. Your friend is 100% using you. If she wants to stay with you she should be contributing to all the shared expenses. Period. You live in a 400 sq ft studio - she should feel honored you give up an inch to accommodate her.
    via u/BlondDee1970
  • 12
    Two pairs of legs sit next to one another on a couch.
    via Unsplash+ (Curated Lifestyle)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 13
    msfinch87 • 17h ago NTA. Your friend is the one using you, and honestly I wouldn't even call her a friend because she just sees you as someone convenient for her needs.
    via u/msfinch87
  • 14
    tinyd71 17h ago Your friend is using you for your apartment and its convenience. She's made that clear by choosing to stay with someone in a less convenient spot, to avoid contributing any money to your household. You obviously don't need her
    via u/tinyd71
  • 15
    financial contribution since you live alone and presumably managed that before she came along. Given she's invited herself to stay with you, and it's inconvenient for you, it's quite clear who's using who! NTA
    via u/tinyd71
  • 16
    Mundane-Run6179 17h ago . NTA. You're being taken advantage of. If she wants to live with someone other than her parents she should be contributing financially
    via u/Mundane-Run6179
  • 17
    ReadMeDrMemory 16h ago • NTA. "Friend"? You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
    via u/ReadMeDrMemory
  • 18
    • strange-lady78 · 17h ago NTA don't let her come over anymore, period. Of course she's using you for your free apartment.
    via u/strange-lady78
  • 19
    MovieLazy6576 • 17h ago NTA. Stop letting her stay at your apartment. She is not your friend.
    via u/MovieLazy6576
  • 20
    Snackinpenguin • 16h ago She views herself as a guest and in that context she views your request for money as tacky. But she's not a tourist. She wants to use your house as home base while living the HCOL life. And frequently. She's no longer just an occasional guest. Your rates are reasonable, and good luck to her finding for less.
    via u/Snackinpenguin
  • 21
    keepitgoing424234 16h ago . Friendship is all about caring for each other. If she cant pitch in this little amount to help her friend, what kind of friend she really is? You need to distance yourself from such people. NTA.
    via u/keepitgoing424234
  • 22
    wowgamertbc 17h ago NTA! Your "friend" isn't much of one, friends support each other and don't take advantage. This "friend" is just using you. Dump this non existent friendship and find a better friend to hang out with.
    via u/wowgamertbc
  • 23
    Sad_Entertainme... • 16h ago NTA. I would have blocked her after the date night weekend when she no showed. $20 a night is less. than an Uber one way in most cities.
    via u/Sad_Entertainment758
  • 24
    . sallystruthers69 17h ago No, nta. You're done hosting guests. Your friend won't be staying over anymore, end of story.
    via u/sallystruthers69
  • 25
    blueBaggins1.16h ago I think youre nuts for letting them stay in the first place.
    via u/blueBaggins1
  • 26
    . Proper-Grapefruit... 17h ago First rule of living here (wherever that is): You MUST contribute. Idgaf if you're dis ed, a toddler, sick af, young and dumb, you can contribute! Financially, emotionally, with household labor, you must
    via u/Proper-Grapefruit363
  • 27
    contribute to the household. As a member of the household, you contribute, if you do not, you are not a member so BYEEEEEEEE! My children learned this before kindergarten. They are the AH.
    via u/Proper-Grapefruit363
  • 28
    . Prestigious-Bluej... 17h ago When your "friend" realizes the deal she was getting and now wants to stay with you, it's $40 a day. Your $20 rate didn't change, you're adding a $20 per day inconvenient AH tax.
    via u/Prestigious-Bluejay5
  • 29
    WhaleFartingFun 16h ago . No. When she asks you say no. Not maybe. Not let me think about it. Just "Nope sorry. That doesn't work for me."
    via u/WhaleFartingFun
  • 30
    Dull_Ad_295 · 16h ago NTA I agree with you. It seems. like she's using you for your space and wishes to do so for free, which is unreasonable given the high rent price you have to pay and the utilities she is using
    via u/Dull_Ad_295
  • 31
    as well as just staying there in general. I don't agree with her trying to guilt trip you by reversing the scenario as if you're using her for money? It's the opposite, she is using you and expecting not to pay a penny for any of the expenses she is costing you. You were kind enough to let her stay multiple times and
    via u/Dull_Ad_295
  • 32
    when you set boundaries she tried to make it seem like you were in the wrong. If it were me in your situation, I would have a conversation with her about how it is the opposite of what she is saying the situation is, and that she is using you for
    via u/Dull_Ad_295
  • 33
    money since she is costing you while expecting to pay nothing in return. If she were a real friend, she would understand, and she wouldn't continue to try to use you and guilt trip you into believing you are in the wrong.
    via u/Dull_Ad_295
  • 34
    Icy-Activity-7230 16h ago . NTA. She's using you. I have an acquaintance from a Bible study I attended a number of years ago who moved out of the area. I live in an east coast resort area. At first, I was excited when she wanted to come visit then I realized she only calls when she wants to come
    via u/Icy-Activity-7230
  • 35
    down. When she's here visiting, she's not visiting me, she's at the beach or running the roads. She never text or calls in between trips so I stopped saying yes. Trust me, your "friend" will figure things out.
    via u/Icy-Activity-7230

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

friendship relationship advice aita drama AITAH best friends storytime friends listen to your friends reddit story relationships friend drama friend story reddit thread Reddit roommates discourse conflict
Scroll Down For The Next Article