‘I’m not the baby’s parent. I have my own goals and life to focus on’: College student refuses 20-year-old new mom Maya, who expects her to put her life on hold and babysit he newborn constantly because they’re best friends

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Oct 11, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

Being a best friend is a lot, but in some people's heads, it now means running a part-time daycare with no salary and less flexibility than a yoga instructor. It starts innocently enough, a favor here or there, but soon just a bit transforms into a standing babysitting appointment that somehow always clashes with actually living your own life. Nothing says appreciation like being guilted for keeping up with school, missing shifts, or daring to have outside plans while a bestie vents about the cosmic injustice of not having on-demand help for every bottle and meltdown.

Modern young adulthood does wonders for exposing friend dynamics that lean more lifetime contract than mutual support. Suddenly, a study-abroad acceptance turns into an act of betrayal, with every personal triumph recast as evidence of disloyalty instead of growth. Apparently, backing out of a never-agreed-to co-parenting gig gets you a one-way ticket to emotional exile and a scolding from someone else's mother who never learned boundaries in the first place. 

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  • AITJ for telling my best friend I won’t put my life on hold to babysit her newborn?

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    via Jacob Lund/fast-stock

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Some friendships thrive under pressure, others buckle at the first sign of independence and see achievement as abandonment. There’s no medal for going above and beyond until your own priorities vanish, and even less reward for letting guilt steer the calendar. That’s the thing about growing up: true support goes both ways, and the best friendships recognize a boundary when they see one, particularly when it’s standing between best friend and live-in nanny.

  • I (20F) have been best friends with Maya (20F) since we were 12. We've always been close, almost like sisters.
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  • A few months ago, she had a baby. The father isn't in the picture, and her parents aren't super supportive, so she's basically doing it on her own.
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  • Before the baby was born, she asked if I could help out sometimes babysit here and there so she could rest or go to work.
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  • I said of course, within reason. I love her and wanted to support her. But after the baby arrived, sometimes turned into all the time.
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  • Cheezburger Image 10562607872
    via fast-stock

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • She started calling me almost daily asking if I could come over just for a bit which would turn into hours.
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  • She expected me to cancel plans, skip classes, or leave work early to help. When I said I couldn't, she'd guilt-trip me saying things like, "You don't understand how hard it is, or, You said you'd be there for me It got worse when I mentioned I got accepted into a study-abroad program for next semester.
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  • Instead of being happy for me, she started crying and said I was abandoning her and her baby.
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  • She told me I owe her because she's sacrificed everything while I get to go live my dream.
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  • told her as gently as I could that I care about her, but I'm not the baby's parent.
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  • CHE
    via Jacob Lund

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I have my own goals and life to focus on. I said I'd still help sometimes, but I won't put my life on hold for her.
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  • She hung up and hasn't spoken to me in over a week. Her mom messaged me saying I used Maya and "dumped her when she needed real help.
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  • Now I feel horrible. She really is struggling, but I also can't be her backup parent forever.
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  • AITJ for telling my best friend I won't put my life on hold to babysit her newborn?
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  • FinancialCamel7281 NTA you owe her nothing, she has her mother let her babysit
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  • DrKAS66 NTJ, why would you owe her? The baby was her decision, not yours.
    via DrKAS66
  • MaryContrary26 Maya's mother said you used her? I would tell her that Maya's the one who used you because she refused to help her own daughter. And that's fine but she doesn't get to lay it on you. And neither does Maya. The baby's father abandoned it, not you. Personally, I would let this friendship go.
    via MaryContrary26
  • icnoevil Not your fault that she chose to have a baby with a de d beat dad.
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  • Odd_Tea4945 NTJ at all and Maya is absolutely selfish: she wants you to put YOUR life on hold for HER decisions, If her mother has the nerve to message you, why on earth she doesn't step up as a grandparent???? No, you didn't "dump" Maya. Her demands are insane
    via Odd_Tea4945
  • kittytailstory She chose to have a baby, knowing it would make her life 100% more difficult and give her less options on every choice she had to make going forward. That was a choice she made. She procreated with a man who wouldn't help. Another choice. You didn't get her pregnant, and you didn't tell her to have a baby she couldn't take care of. It's going to be a difficult life. Go do your time abroad--you have made choices to allow you that freedom of choice. You chose a different life than y
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  • MovieLazy6576 NTJ. This is wild. Where is the father? He is should be helping her.
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  • CommanderChaos999 "Her mom messaged me saying I used Maya and "dumped her when she needed real help." \---Assuming the mom lives within driving distance., tell the friend her mom just volunteered to do the babysitting since she insists that her daughter needs real help.
    via CommanderChaos999
  • grac3ie NTJ you're not her babysitter, you're her friend.
    via grac3ie

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