‘I was shocked. My adoptive family showed up as my biological family’: 24-year-old adopted daughter’s DNA test reveals she’s biologically related to her adoptive family, making her question her history and years of secrets

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  • I am unsure how to confront my parents on information I received from a DNA test

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  • For background, I'm a 24F from a very close family; both my immediate and extended family.
  • My parents told me when I was five that I was adopted, but they've always considered me their daughter.
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  • To be clear, they never abused me and have always been supportive. They paid for my college and are now helping me get my master's degree.
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  • This month was my birthday, and my boyfriend got us both Ancestry DNA kits. He asked if I was okay with it, and I said yes.
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  • He thought it would be fun to learn more about our roots, even if my birth family didn't want to know me.
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  • I agreed; I was curious about meeting my biological family, though I understood that if they were interested, they could have reached out once I turned 18.
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  • So, we did the test together. When I got my results online, I was shocked; my adoptive family showed up as my biological family.
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  • Both sets of my grandparents matched as my biological grandparents, and several cousins matched as well on both sides of my adoptive family tree.
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  • It was so strange. My parents aren't on the website, but that didn't surprise me; they've always said they know who they are and don't need a DNA test.
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  • I decided to talk to my older brother (25M), who was also adopted, but he doesn't remember when I first came home.
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  • Now, I'm debating whether to confront my parents to find out what's really going in on.
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  • Complete Fan_2000 Holy sh that's wild. I'd probably sit them down and just be like "so the DNA test came back and I'm seeing some interesting family connections..." and see how they react. They might actually be relieved to finally talk about it after keeping it secret for so long
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  • OP ginger-spice-rice I've decided to take a few days to cool off, i might be angry because of my the shock of all this. I also decided to talk to my therapist before talking to my parents together.
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  • Perimentalpause That might be the best course of action. And the most responsible. The knee j reaction to rage is what gets people in so much trouble all the time. Take a breath. Take a day. H I, take a week. Let it sink in and maybe give yourself time to write up something you want to say. Then you can come at it reasonably and they'll see that you're serious about it and might be more receptive to answering when it's not all emotional. Not that you don't have a right to be emotional to be lied
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  • OP ginger-spice-rice I have an emergency 2 hour appointment with my therapist; I made it as soon as I got the results back.
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  • seagull321 Doesn't your adopted older brother want to know if his DNA situation is the same as yours? Also, asking questions isn't confronting. Seeking information isn't confronting. Address them from a place of curiosity and wanting to understand. Be open.
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  • OP ginger-spice-rice He is considering doing one himself now; but I'm not pushing it if he doesn't want to know where he comes from
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  • Competitive_Sleep_21 Is it possible your parents were not married so they did not want their parents to know they had you and said they adopted you later or is it possible they are infertile and relatives donated eggs and or sperm so you could be born. What does your birth certificate say?
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  • OP ginger-spice-rice To be honest I've never paid attention to it
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  • jleek9 Oooooooooo so which parent has estranged siblings?
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  • OP ginger-spice-rice My mom has an older sister that is no contact due to her stealing money from my grandmother; but that was 20 years ago. So it doesn't really fit the timeline as I was already born and 4 years old at the time.
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  • cuddlezillaa This is a huge secret to uncover. The fact your adoptive family shows up as biological means you're likely the child of a close relative they wanted to keep hidden, a sibling or one of your parents themselves. It's understandable you're reeling. You don't have to confront them angrily, but you do deserve. answers.
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  • dakotarework Wait, you matched on BOTH SIDES of your family tree? There's definitely a larger story here and you deserve the truth, but you weren't adopted from an unknown family. My best guess is one of your parents couldn't conceive and one of their siblings helped but they kept the story secret for everyone involved. Either way, when you talk to them I would definitely come to conversation with care and compassion because you could be opening a painful wound.
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  • Truth-out246810 It is not uncommon for babies to be adopted by family members. Your birth mother is likely a cousin or aunt who would have been a teen when you were born (generally in family adoptions seem to be within the mother's family).
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  • TheOldJawbone Any female aunts or uncles or older cousins who treat you extra special?
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  • Honest-Vanilla918 bro that's not just tea that's the whole pot. there's def some "we had to protect someone" energy here. i'd approach it chill but firm, like then just let the silence cook.
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