29-year-old software engineer asked to front $4,000 for his 27-year-old girlfriend's vacation after she quit her job and can't afford the trip: 'That's not acceptable. I'm not a bank!'

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Ben Weiss • Writer and Editor
Oct 19, 2025 2:00 PM EDT

Just because you're dating someone does not mean you have to bear the burden of your significant other's poor decision-making. 

This, of course, is especially true when the couple in question does not formally share assets. In this instance, we're talking about a couple that had been dating for approximately two years but hadn't yet committed to one another in a long-term sense. In other words, there were no plans for getting engaged any time soon. All this to say, this 29-year-old software engineer did not necessarily have to pay an extra $4,000 for his girlfriend when she realized she could no longer afford their upcoming vacation.

For some more context, the 27-year-old impulsively quit her job, which did, in fairness, sound like a soul-sucking workplace environment. That being said, she didn't have a plan for income in the meantime, nor did she properly save money for big expenses she knew were coming up soon. One of these expenses was the couple's first big vacation together in Greece, a trip they had previously decided to split 50/50 between the two of them.

Well, it looks like the author was put in an uncomfortable position, in which he either needed to front $4,000 so his girlfriend could join him in Greece or he needed to cancel the entire trip altogether. What would you do? Keep scrolling below for the full story!

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  • A boyfriend and girlfriend argue on the couch. The girlfriend is explaining something, while the boyfriend leans his head against his hand.
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Look, money is always a difficult topic to navigate, especially in relationships. However, if these two can't figure out what makes the most sense for both of them two years into their partnership, maybe this is a sign of a deeper issue. For instance, and I'm just spitballing here, but perhaps these two should have discussed their financial situations more honestly before planning an expensive vacation together. Just a thought!

  • "[Am I wrong] for refusing to pay for my girlfriend's portion of a vacation after she quit her job without telling me?"

    Me (29M) and my girlfriend "Sarah" (27F) have been in a relationship for roughly two years. We discussed having a big holiday together, and in January
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  • concluded we'd have a week in Greece this summer. The entire expense was going to be around $4,000 per person (flight tickets, lodging, activities, etc.).
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  • When we booked everything in February, Sarah had a stable job at a marketing firm. We agreed we'd each pay our own way, and I
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  • put both our flights and the hotel on my credit card to get points, with the understanding she'd Venmo me her half before the trip.
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  • Skip forward to last month. Two weeks ago, she casually told me that she resigned from work. I was surprised because she didn't come to me first. When
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  • questioned why, she explained that she was "burnt out" and required to take care of herself. I understand burnout exists, but she doesn't have a second job in the pipeline and no concrete plan.
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  • The trip is three weeks away and yesterday she said she cannot afford to pay me right now. She told me that I should simply "cover it that one time" since I
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  • get more income than her anyway (I'm a software engineer). She promised that she'd pay me back at some future date, but was
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  • unable to promise a date. She also told me if I really cared about her, then I wouldn't "make this about money."
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  • I told her that's not acceptable. I'm not a bank, and $4,000 is a lot of money to just take, especially since we'd agreed upon something. I told her if she
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  • can't afford her share, then maybe we should call off the plans and schedule them for when she's in more stable
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  • finances. She got really upset and told me that I was "punishing her for maintaining her mental health."
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  • I told her it was irresponsible to resign without having something else lined up, and that knowing we were scheduling this expensive holiday made it all the
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  • more irresponsible. She started crying and said I wasn't being supportive. She mentioned that I lived in her apartment for three
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  • months rent-free last year after my lease expired, which is true, though I shopped for the groceries and cooked most evenings.
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  • A boyfriend and girlfriend argue on the couch. Both seem to be talking over one another.
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • My mom thinks Sarah is being deceitful when referring to mental health to make me feel guilty. Sarah's best friend messaged me that I am being
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  • "cruel" and Sarah's having a really hard time. Sarah also insinuated that if I'm not footing the bill, then I'm signaling I have no future with her and we should break up.
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  • I feel bad because I am concerned about her and wouldn't want her to feel ignored. Nevertheless, this costs a lot and she didn't even think about mentioning it to me in advance.
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  • The flight is paid and non- returnable now, so the funds can't be reimbursed at all. AITA for not wanting to pay for my share of the holiday?
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  • Glinda-The-Witch 23m ago NTA. If you're living together, she absolutely should've had a discussion with you before resigning from her job. Your
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  • girlfriend has shown you exactly who she is and that is someone who expects to be taken care of while you pay all the bills. The thing is she's your girlfriend not your fiancé and not your wife.
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  • First and foremost you need to be careful she doesn't get pregnant because I feel pretty certain she's going to expect to be a stay at home mom.
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  • What are your expectations for a long-term partner? And what are her expectations for a long-term partner. This is a discussion you need to have with her ASAP and
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  • determine if your goals align. If not, you honestly need to consider whether this is the right person for you.
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  • Remember, if you choose to go ahead with this trip, there will be additional expenses, such as meals and drinks that she will likely expect
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  • you to pay for. At a minimum, you should postpone the trip until she has the money. If you have any text messages acknowledging her agreement to pay you the 4K then tell her she either
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  • needs to pay up or you will take her to small claims court, and she will wind up paying court costs as well as your filing fees.
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boyfriend aita AITAH girlfriend entitled people karma quitting work quitting entitled people vacation
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