28-year-old daughter refuses to get Christmas gift for brother-in-law of 9 years, says it's not her responsibility: 'All of his interests are childish and I don't want to waste my money on them'

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Nov 11, 2025 10:00 AM EST

It's beginning to be that time of year when all we can think about is buying presents. We're going through lists in our heads of all the people we need to accommodate, and we're wondering how we can do it as efficiently as possible. Unless you're one of those people who come alive at the thought of buying others presents, this time of year is likely a bundle of stress. Sure, you love seeing joy flash across their face when they open up that perfect gift, but you don't love all the time and effort that goes into finding and procuring said perfect gift. 

This can get even more frustrating when you have to decide who is on your list and who isn't. Your immediate family, who you know will get gifts for you, that's a must. But what about the peripheral people in your life? Do they deserve a Christmas gift too? One person wanted to draw pretty tight boundaries around who she was and wasn't going to give a gift to. Her family, though, thought she was being selfish. 

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  • A man opens up a Christmas gift from his wife.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Through the frustration of being responsible for her family's finances, one woman had had enough when it came to gift-buying time. She was going to get gifts for the immediate family and nothing more. But shouldn't her brother-in-law of 9 years count as immediate family? Read on for the story and see what you would have done. 

  • AITA for not buying my brother-in-law his own Christmas gifts?

    Here's some context. I (28F) am responsible for my parents' finances, for personal reasons. I hold all the card/account information and I pay the bills with it.
    via u/shmitty1010
  • Because of this, I often am in charge of buying Christmas/birthday gifts that are from "all of us." On to the issue.
    via u/shmitty1010
  • My sister A (30F) has been with her husband T (33M) for 9 years, married just this year in September 2025.
    via u/shmitty1010
  • Well A thinks I need to buy T his own Christmas gifts. She even sent me a list of his interests for me to do so.
    via u/shmitty1010
  • To be clear, I do get him things to open. I always get things every year that are for the household and I put his name on them for him to open.
    via u/shmitty1010
  • A thinks that isn't enough. She says I need to buy him his own personal gifts, too, because I do that for her and it's "not right." The things I buy for the household are from "all of us" meaning my parents and myself.
    via u/shmitty1010
  • When I buy A her own gifts they are just from me. I don't feel it is my place to buy This own personal gifts.
    via u/shmitty1010
  • He isn't my husband and all of his interests are childish and I don't want to waste my money on them.
    via u/shmitty1010
  • A says it looks like he isn't welcome when I do this, especially since they have been togehter so long.
    via u/shmitty1010
  • That just simply isn't true. A also says that I should either get T his own gifts also or ONLY get both of them household gifts to open.
    via u/shmitty1010
  • She even says if I can't see the issue here then I need therapy? So AITA or is A being dramatic?
    via u/shmitty1010
  • A man tries to give a gift to a woman while she looks at a fire.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Commenters wondered why she was insisting on this.

    YTA GreekAmericanDom T is family. He is the family your sister, A, chose. You are not treating him as such. It isn't even about showing him respect. It is about showing your own sister love and respect. In my experience, loving parents start treating there children's spouses as their kids as well. Since you are acting as a surrogate parent, you should do the same.
    via u/GreekAmericanDom
  • stroppo This line caught my attention: "...and all of his interests are childish and I don't want to waste my money on them." This makes it sound less like it's "not my responsibility" to buy presents and more that you just don't like your BIL. So, if his interests were what you thought of as "mature" would you have a problem buying him a present? Will you do that with their kids if they have them? Your sister is right: It does look like he isn't welcome. Once a person marries, it is pretty much
    via u/stroppo
  • YTA poochonmom Unless your BIL is an ass to you or your parents, he is family and you should be treating him as family. If budget is a constraint, then get yo sister and BIL a combined gift of some entertainment/experience/househ item. You are just saying "he isn't family with zero explanation for why you feel that way. Spouses of siblings family! Especially when they have been around so long.
    via u/poochonmom
  • YTA Wingdangnoodle If it's been nine years and you still can't get him anything that's kinda fucked. I don't think you get to have it both ways. Your sister is expressing that she (and likely her husband) notice you don't care, which technically is fine. You don't have to like people but don't pretend you're not doing anything wrong. If the tables were turned you'd be peeved too. Especially if it was happening to your spouse. Also, for the record refusing to buy gifts you don't like and think ar
    via u/Wingdangnoodle
  • ComprehensiveSet927 Info: Do T and A each get you a gift?
    via u/ComprehensiveSet927
  • OP shmitty1010 UPDATE- I've been asked this several times. If they get me something. The answer is yes. They are less financially stable, so get all 3 of us something from both of them.
    via u/shmitty1010
  • Curious_Eggplant6296 Whether or not you buy your BIL a personal gift is entirely up to you. However, I would think your parents might want to do that instead of just "household" gifts from "all of you." It sounds like you rule your parents' finances with an iron fist.
    via u/Curious_Eggplant6296
  • indicatprincess > I often am in charge of buying Christmas/birthday gifts that are from "all of us." > Well A thinks I need to buy This own Christmas gifts. > I always get things every year that are for the household and I put his name on them for him to open. > I buy A her own gifts they are just from me. > I don't feel it is my place to buy T his own personal gifts. > He isn't my husband and all of his interests are childish and I don't want to waste my money on them. People like you are so co
    via u/indicatprincess
  • HorseygirlWH Is T shopping for you and buying something thoughtful for you, or is his wife doing so? If he's buying you a gift then YTA but if he's not making any effort, why should you? Note that my husband of 34 years no longer exchanges with my 2 sisters since he doesn't want more stuff, but I still exchange with them. If he's not buying you something, you shouldn't buy him something.
    via u/HorseygirlWH
  • slendermanismydad >A also says that I should either get T his own gifts also or ONLY get both of them household gifts to open. Do that.
    via u/slendermanismydad

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christmas aita gifts presents AITAH brother sibling rivalry sibling memes siblings money problems reddit story family feud family sibling sister reddit thread Reddit money brother in law
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