Father and stepmother-to-be demand that 15-year-old sign a "family contract" to "accept" and be a part of their new blended family: 'Dad is creating a new family, just not my new family'

You can't ever just demand that someone feel a certain way and have it be so. After a significant loss, especially the loss of a loved one, you might feel closed off to new relationships. In grieving, complex, confusing guilt can always show up in ways that you don't fully understand.

The last thing you want is to see everyone else moving on when you feel guilty about the thought of doing the same. Moving forward feels oddly similar to forgetting, and you'll find yourself avoiding or outright torpedoing any chance of doing so.

Regardless of what holdups someone might have, you can never just will someone else's feelings about something into existence. Demanding that they feel a certain way will only put pressure on them and make things even less likely to develop naturally.

Parent-child relationships naturally have a certain imbalance; the kids are, of course, expected to do what their parent says, but demanding that your kids sign a literal contract declaring their intention to be involved in the new family dynamic is not the way to go about it.

It's always tricky when it comes to step-parent relationships and blended families, but the best thing you can do is have a genuine interest in the kids and not try to "replace" their other parent or really parentify yourself at all, giving thing the time and space to develop naturally like they should.

Author image for Brad Dickson Brad Dickson
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