Boss insists project engineer takes notes at every meeting, gets offended when she refuses after he claims it's 'women's work': 'My wife takes notes at her job all the time'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Nov 17, 2025 9:00 PM EST

Nobody enjoys being stereotyped, and especially not in the workplace.

Unfortunately, there are plenty of people in the working world and beyond who happily ignore this basic wisdom, creating problems for themselves further down the line. Discriminating against a coworker or employee because of something like gender is, in many cases, technically illegal, but that does not stop some from believing that they are immune from any negative consequences, or not even realizing that there could be some in the first place. It can come as a surprise.

Still, the sympathies have to be with those on the receiving end of this discrimination. It can be truly infuriating, not least when the person doing it seems to think that it is some kind of compliment. Despite this kind of thing being blatantly wrong, it is a situation that has to be treated with sensitivity. There is a lot that goes into it.

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  • a woman in a white shirt and red pants writes in a notebook
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • In this story, a woman expressed her frustrations that her boss was constantly calling on her to take notes in meetings. An engineer and the only female on her six-person team, he claimed that he wanted her to do this as women were “naturally better” at this particular skill.

    Following these comments, she refused to take on note-taking duties, and she faced escalating annoyance from her boss and some of her colleagues due to this refusal. Although one of her coworkers supported her, she still wanted a second opinion on whether she was doing something wrong.

  • AITJ for refusing to take notes in meetings after my boss said it's "women's work"?

    I (27F) work as a project engineer at a construction firm in Phoenix. Been here about eight months. I'm the only woman on my immediate team of six people.
    via Firm_Gold_8435
  • About two months ago my boss started asking me to take notes during our client meetings. Not just our internal team meetings, but the big ones with contractors and clients where we discuss budgets and timelines and technical specs.
    via Firm_Gold_8435
  • At first I didn't think much of it. I'd take notes, send them out after, whatever. But then I noticed I was the only one ever asked to do this. We rotate who leads presentations, who does site visits, who handles vendor calls. But notes are always me.
    via Firm_Gold_8435
  • Last week I had to present a fairly complex structural analysis during a client meeting. I'd been working on it for three weeks. Right before the meeting my boss pulled me aside and said "Hey can you take notes today, thanks" and walked away before I could respond.
    via Firm_Gold_8435
  • I said I was presenting and couldn't take notes at the same time. He said "Just do your best, you're good at multitasking." I told him someone else should take notes since I'm actively presenting for like 40 minutes of this meeting. He said "Come on, it's not that hard. Women are naturally better at this stuff anyway, you probably don't even have to think about it."
    via Firm_Gold_8435
  • I just stared at him. He said "What? My wife takes notes at her job all the time, she doesn't mind." I said I'm not taking notes during a meeting where I'm presenting technical analysis. He got annoyed and said I was making a big deal out of nothing and assigned it to Kyle, one of the other engineers.
    via Firm_Gold_8435
  • The meeting happened. I presented my analysis. Kyle took notes but they were terrible, he missed like half the action items and got some of the technical details wrong. After the meeting my boss came to my desk and said "See, this is why I ask you. Kyle can't take notes for shit. Just do it next time."
    via Firm_Gold_8435
  • I said no. If note-taking is part of someone's job responsibilities it should be assigned formally and rotate like everything else. Or we hire an admin. But I'm not doing it just because I'm a woman and he thinks it comes naturally. He said I was being difficult and that it's a team player thing. I said the team has six people and somehow I'm the only team player who takes notes.
    via Firm_Gold_8435
  • I went to HR. Filed a formal complaint about the "women are naturally better at this" comment. HR said they'd look into it. Now my boss is barely speaking to me. Two of my coworkers said I should have just taken the notes and not made it a whole thing. One guy said "It's just notes, why are you being so sensitive?"
    via Firm_Gold_8435
  • But another coworker, the oldest guy on the team, pulled me aside and said he's glad I said something because he's watched women get stuck with admin work his whole career and it's bullshit. My boss is still assigning me note-taking duty and I keep declining. He's started making comments in meetings like "Well we'd have better notes if SOMEONE would help out" while looking at me. AITJ for refusing and going to HR over this?
    via Firm_Gold_8435
  • TL;DR: Boss kept assigning me note-taking duty because "women are naturally better at it," even during meetings where I'm presenting. I refused and filed an HR complaint, now coworkers think I'm being difficult.
    via Firm_Gold_8435
  • a woman in a white shirt and red pants writes in a notebook, as seen from behind
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Commenters agreed that she had not been treated correctly.

    LoudStatistician9077 NTA. Your boss literally said women are naturally better at taking notes and that's why he assigns it to you. That's textbook gender discrimination. You were hired as a project engineer, not a secretary. Taking notes during a meeting where you're actively presenting technical analysis is absurd. You can't do both effectively.
    via LoudStatistician9077
  • The fact that Kyle's notes were terrible just proves that note-taking is actual work that requires attention and skill. It's not some magical thing women can do while also doing their actual jobs. Your coworkers saying "just take the notes" are the same ones who benefit from never being asked. They don't get to tell you it's not a big deal when they're not the ones being assigned admin work because of their gender.
    via LoudStatistician9077
  • You did the right thing going to HR. Document every time he assigns you notes and you decline. Document every passive aggressive comment he makes. This is retaliation and it's illegal.
    via LoudStatistician9077
  • Cute-Profession9983 How about, "We'd have better notes if SOMEONE hired an admin instead of relying on outdated stereotypes"
    via Cute-Profession9983
  • OverRice2524 Report him again for creating a hostile work environment. Can you transfer within the company? Start looking for a new job.
    via OverRice2524
  • CivMom Female engineer (from construction and development). Stand firm. He's just butt hurt. And document everything. But in the meantime look for a new job. You deserve a better work environment.
    via CivMom
  • Zestyclose-Height-36 ntj. you boss is awful and so is your HR department if they let him do that. Make sure your notes are worse than the weaponized incompetence Kyle's are.
    via Zestyclose-Height-36
  • SportySue60 NTA - your boss is awful and a terrible misogynist! It's not ok that you are the only onbe being asked and singled out!
    via SportySue60
  • writing_mm_romance Get him to say it in writing and file an EEOO complaint with the department of labor.
    via writing_mm_romance

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aita employee manager job meeting work workplace AITJ reddit thread Reddit notes women
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