‘I don’t understand why her mom has to stay here so much. We are 25 years old’: Roommate’s mom turns “occasional visits” into sleepovers up to three nights a week, crowding the house and ignoring guest rules, pushing housemates to struggle for space

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Etai Eshet • Editor
Nov 23, 2025 6:00 PM EST

Roommates, just like the contracts we have to sign when we start living with them, aren't simple, but the real terms of this specific agreement get revealed in late-night snoring and daily surprise kitchen takeovers. The house starts off with three girls and a handshake agreement about guests. The only child, fresh from across the border, warns that her mom might visit sometimes. Turns out "sometimes" means "so frequently the couch should have her name stitched into the cushions."

Mom does not just visit. She moves in for the night, takes her pick of weekdays or weekends, and never gives notice. The roommate who cried "no boys over on a school night" seems fine with her own guest monopoly, especially since she skips all chores and has the biggest room. So the rest of the house adjusts. Kitchen hours expand, common space shrinks, and snoring becomes part of the ambiance.

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  • Roommates mom sleeps over every week

    tired older woman sleeping curled up on a couch at home, resting her head on a gray pillow while wrapped in cozy loungewear.
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I live in a house with two other girls. One of them is an only child to a single mother who lives across the border.
    via One_Donut_8157
  • She told us before living together that sometimes her mom comes over which I didn't have a problem with.
    via One_Donut_8157
  • We really should have specified the frequency/terms because her mom comes over to spend the night 1- 3x a week every week.
    via One_Donut_8157
  • It's not the first time this girl has said something and not fully told the truth.
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  • I don't know why it annoys me so much. Sometimes they're in the kitchen for hours cooking but mostly they go in her room so they're not really bothering anyone.
    via One_Donut_8157
  • Daughter hugging her mother while they both smile and laugh together on the couch, showing a warm and loving family moment
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The mom snores so my roommate will often sleep on the couch which can be kind of be annoying.
    via One_Donut_8157

  • Trying to keep a straight face when the logic flips is its own workout. Visits are justified as fairness because someone’s family is local, so her mom should get extra time. Visa or not, the end effect is another body in a house already short on elbow room.

  • Im an insomniac so I hear everything. My roommate doesn't give us any notice when her mom comes over either, I usually just hear them in the common area.
    via One_Donut_8157
  • She also will bring her on random days in the middle of the work week. This same roommate had previously said no guests during the week when my other roommate brought a boy over on a Monday and it's a policy I prefer considering our house is so small and I work remotely.
    via One_Donut_8157
  • I really like my space. We once tried to address it with her and she said "That's not fair you (me, OP) get to see your family all the time because they only live a mile away mine is in Mexico so this is more convenient for us." I'm wondering if it's because she's here from Mexico on a work Visa that she's scared to cross the border and come back.
    via One_Donut_8157
  • Cheezburger Image 10578591232
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • But I don't understand why her mom has to like, stay the night here so much.
    via One_Donut_8157
  • We are 25 years old. I feel like I'm especially annoyed by this because she has the biggest room and takes over the common spaces and doesnt do chores and always leaves a mess.
    via One_Donut_8157

  • Annoyance feels like the law of gravity at this point. Most of the irritation comes from inconsistency and that magic ability to bend rules when convenient. The hardest part is not hearing every snore or cleaning up after surprise dinners. It is realizing the guest policy is less a rule and more a loophole for anyone bold enough to keep pushing.

  • Is this a reasonable thing to be bothered about or am I lacking compassion/ projecting my annoyance onto
    via One_Donut_8157
  • Rizzo2309 I think it's reasonable. 3 times a week every week is a lot of visiting when she doesn't let others have visitors during the week.
    via One_Donut_8157
  • OP One_Donut_8157 Yeah super hypocritical imo
    via One_Donut_8157
  • Fluffy_Musician6805 Nah, your annoyance is reasonable
    via One_Donut_8157
  • OP One_Donut_8157 Thank you I feel validated LOL
    via One_Donut_8157
  • ChampionshipBetter91 You need to call a house meeting, so all of your concerns are addressed.
    via One_Donut_8157
  • OP One_Donut_8157 Yeah definitely. Anytime we address something she follows it for like a week then slips back into old habits. I feel weird because what else can I do when she just disregards it?
    via One_Donut_8157
  • Severe-Hope-9151 You might as well have the House meeting when her mom is there because she's practically living with you.
    via One_Donut_8157
  • OP One_Donut_8157 LOL RIGHT
    via One_Donut_8157
  • New_Nobody9492 House meeting. If the rule is no guest during the week all have to abide, or none at all. But in my view, everyone now gets sleepovers whenever they want. If I was you, I would find my own place. Also, what does your lease say? I rented for 15 months, and it stated six over nights a month, with no more than two consecutive, without prior consent from landlords.
    via One_Donut_8157
  • OP One_Donut_8157 Yeah I think another meeting is needed where we have to adhere to an all or nothing rule. Our lease says what I think is CA law which is someone can't stay more than 7 consecutive nights or 14 days in 6 months which she def has broken atp
    via One_Donut_8157
  • Hemiak Ask her flat out, is the rule no weekly visitors? If so, that includes her mom, period. Also, start working out or doing something super early on the mornings she decides to sleep on the couch.
    via One_Donut_8157
  • OP One_Donut_8157 Yeah the OG rule was if someone was staying for more than 3 days to ask before hand, if you are having an overnight guest to let the house know, and (this roommates rule) no overnight guests during the weekday. Sigh.
    via One_Donut_8157
  • anonymousasu Roommates suck. Why do people lack common courtesy?
    via One_Donut_8157
  • OP One_Donut_8157 It's so baffling. I noticed when her mom is here she literally cleans while her daughter is sat on her phone in the living room. I think she's used to her cleaning up after her too
    via One_Donut_8157
  • SparklingSloths They're going to need to start putting up some extra money towards rent/ammenities/bills (water, electric). She is using your guys stuff and running up the water/electric bills more than they would be if she wasnt there all the time.
    via One_Donut_8157
  • OP One_Donut_8157 Agreed! I don't even understand why she needs to sleepover at our big age H
    via One_Donut_8157
  • Lisa_Knows_Best Suggest to your roommate that her mother should be paying 1/4 of the rent and utilities since she's basically living there. That or she can get out.
    via One_Donut_8157
  • OP One_Donut_8157 Agreed, I think she might have to threaten getting the landlord involved too since she wants to have guests over this much
    via One_Donut_8157
  • Ipso-Pacto-Facto I didn't sign a lease with your mom. Your mom's name isn't on the lease, right? We basically have a 4th non-paying roommate not on the lease. So you need to pay 1/2 the rent and utilities, knock off your mom living here, or we're going to the landlord about it. You know what's not fair? Subsidizing someone's mom in an apartment meant for 25 year olds. What's it going to be?
    via One_Donut_8157
  • OP One_Donut_8157 LMAO lemme write this down When we brought this up she tried to make us feel bad by saying it's just her and her mom and she is close with her and doesn't get to see her that much and doesn't understand why we would be annoyed if her mom mostly stays in her room.
    via One_Donut_8157

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friendship bad friend living with friends best friends friends public school 20-year-old private school friend mean girls housemate renting roommates apartment
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