‘I don’t want them to feel unwanted or less loved': Grandma keeps ‘jokingly’ telling the grandkids on her daughter-in-law's side that they are not her favorite, mom goes scorched earth

Author image for Elna McHilderson
Elna McHilderson • Managing Editor
Nov 26, 2025 5:00 PM EST

A grandmother decided it was a good "funny" idea to tell her daughter-in-law's kids that they were not her favorite. Excuse me? That is NOT okay grandma, and why are you surprised that the mother of these kids is calling you out for it? That's right, the mother is not standing for this kind of behavior or humor, whatever you want to call it. Her toddler and baby used to get all of her attention, until their cousin was born. And nobody was expecting the grandmother to ignore the new grandkid in her life. Of course her attention would now be split up. But she isn't trying to give her grandkids equal love, she is very certainly telling everyone, including the kids, that the new baby is her favorite. Her actions also solidify that she hardly wants anything to do with her "non-favorite" kids. 

 

Oh, you're going to be like that grandma? Then you better be ready to handle a scorned mother. 

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  • "AITA for standing up for my kids because my MIL openly favors my SIL’s baby?"

    ‘I don’t want them to feel unwanted or less loved': Grandma keeps ‘jokingly’ telling the grandkids on her daughter-in-law's side that they are not her favorite, mom goes scorched earth
    via Unsplash+ (and Vitaly Gariev)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I (26F) and my husband (29M) have been together 10 years, married 6, and we have two kids: a toddler and a baby.
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  • Things changed with my MIL after I had my youngest. My husband's sister had her first baby a few months after I gave birth, and ever since then my MIL has been giving her baby way more attention than mine.
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  • At first I brushed it off, but another family member actually pulled me aside and said she noticed the same thing- apparently MIL did this with that family member kids too.
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  • For example, she'll hold my SIL's baby constantly, gush over her, take pictures, play with her, etc.
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  • But when my kids try to interact, she acts like they're bothering her. Yet she'll turn around and say my oldest "never spends time with her" even though she pushes him away or ignores him.
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  • It's confusing and feels hurtful. Recently she went shopping and came home excited to show me what she
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  • It was all clothes for SIL's baby- nothing for either of my kids. I felt really upset because my oldest used to try to get her attention, but now he doesn't even bother.
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  • I think he's starting to notice. To be clear: I am NOT jealous. I love all the nieces and nephew equally.
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  • But it breaks my heart to see her choose favorites and talk about it openly. She even jokes that SIL's baby is her "favorite" and that she prefers babysitting her over my kids (and my nephew).
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  • I just find that really inappropriate and honestly hurtful for the kids. Also she says she "BABYSITS" her own GRANDCHILDREN!!!!
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  • It's called spreading time with them not "BABYSITTING"!!!!!!!! My husband has tried to talk to her, and so has his brother, but she always ends up crying and saying she's a "bad grandma" or starts guilt-tripping everyone instead of actually acknowledging the problem.
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  • ‘I don’t want them to feel unwanted or less loved': Grandma keeps ‘jokingly’ telling the grandkids on her daughter-in-law's side that they are not her favorite, mom goes scorched earth
    via Unsplash+ (and Vitaly Gariev)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The mother called her out, and in true “greatest generation” fashion, this grandmother tried to pull the wounded grandma card by crying and saying “oh now, you think I'm a bad grandma!” Actually, grandma, no one said that, but thank you for point that out, because actually, yes, you are being a bad grandma. 

  • Then nothing changes. I'm exhausted and starting to question myself. I don't want to argue or take the kids away from family, but I also don't want them to feel unwanted or less loved.
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  • I feel like I'm being gaslit when she cries and flips the situation on me, and I'm starting to wonder if I'm the ahole for bringing it up at all.
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  • AITA for trying to stand up for my kids and saying the favoritism isn't okay?
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  • Nicky Miller Absolutely not, girl. You'd be the AH if you didn't stand up to them. I think you should tell her one simple thing when she says the kids are ignoring her or are cold with her; "You're getting back the same amount of love that you gave my kids. That's all you're getting from them." And then leave it at that. The kids seem to have picked up already that Grandma doesn't care, so don't force them to hang out with her from here on. Good luck to you and your family.
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  • Personal-Y You've tried talking to her and she isn't interested in changing. Your kids will absolutely notice and be hurt. Your only real option is to limit the contact they have and explain that grandma's behavior is not ok and we don't tolerate being treated this way. Be the mirror you want your children to reflect. Kind, empathetic but with boundaries.
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  • Mermaidtoo I'd also recommend responding when she's refers to herself as a bad grandmother. You might say something like this: Whether you're a good or bad grandparent is completely your choice. Right now, you're being unfair and unkind to some of your grandkids. We also have a choice about what kind of parents we are. We choose to protect our kids from your bad behavior even if that hurts your feelings. You're an adult. You can do better.
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  • Lizardgirl25 Agree with her when she says the bad grandma thing get your BIL and your husband on board. Tell her my oldest used to want your attention he doesn't want it anymore. No kids should be that aware that young. I was a favorite but I didn't realize it until I was much older like an adult.
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  • Fioreborn Stop taking your kids to see grandma. Meet up with other family else where so your kids don't miss out on time with cousins and such but stop taking them to grandma When she complains point out that your kids don't want to go because they get ignored. That they try to love grandma and she just pushes them away. That she openly admits that SIL baby is her favourite. When she starts the waterworks, crying that she's a 'bad grandma' agree with her. Yea she is. She's such a bad grandma tha
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  • SarcasticPups My grandmother hated my sisters and I, for reasons we never knew. She doted on our cousins but treated us like burdens. Our mother kept trying to make her mother bend by us all spending time with her and do you know what happened? Nothing. No good came of it. Her attitude was the same until she was dying when I was in high school. Even then it wasn't a softening or change of heart so much as she needed more people to help take care of her. I'm sharing this so you can see what the f
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  • YourLittleRuth "You are a bad grandma to my children and to \[nephew\], and you run the risk of being a bad grandma to \[favourite\] as well, because if you continue to fuss over her the way you do, she will be spoilt and unbearable. "Let me know when you're willing to be a grandma to my kids, and we can arrange to get together."
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  • Worried_Suit4820 You need to agree with her when she calls herself a 'bad grandma' when you've called her out on her behaviour. Just that; don't say anything else. Limit the time your children have with her and build up the relationship with their cousins.
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  • Cumisha Jones Yeah I hear this.. my kids are now 19 and 16. My mother has babysat them maybe 6 times .. in their life, they were never invited to stay at her house, nothing barely a phone call on a birthday My sisters kids however, badly behaved little darlings they are, sees her weekly, had a room decorated for them at her home. This is the reason we no longer speak to them ...
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  • bakeacakeyum NTA. Agree with her and say yes, you are being a bad grandma. Any comments she makes throw back at her.
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family drama mother parenting in laws family grandmother entitled people
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