Cousin babysits 11-year-old from vegan family, feels conflicted when he chooses to eat meat pizza: 'He's told me not to tell his parents'

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  • two people sitting outside on a picnic blanket, holding slices of pepperoni pizza
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  • Am I wrong for feeding my vegan cousin animal products and his parents have no idea?

    He's 11, and often his parents drop him off when they need to be out for a few hours and I babysit and I'm happy to do it. We have a great relationship and he's a good kid and doesn't cause any trouble.
  • I'm not vegan myself but his parents are and they've been vegan since before he was born, and they have always made it clear they want to raise a vegan child and I have no issue with that. They're child, their decision. When he comes over, he brings vegan snacks with him and I always have vegan food in the house too, just for him.
  • To cut a long story short, couple of weeks ago, I'm babysitting again and around 6pm 1 ordered pizza for dinner. Got a barbecue chicken for myself and his usual vegan pizza with plant-based pepperoni. We've done this a million times.
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  • Food arrives and we eat. At one point I get up to use the bathroom and when I come back, he's got a slice of my barbecue chicken pizza in one hand and is eating it.
  • I was shocked since I've never seen him do that and I gently reminded him that his pizza was the pepperoni. He said that he knows but still asked if he could have a slice of mine. I literally didn't know what to say so I just said okay.
  • He ends up admitting to me that he sometimes eats chicken nuggets with his friends at school and eats non vegan chocolates and milkshakes when with his friends. He's told me not to tell his parents and I promised him I wouldn't.
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  • On one hand I do feel guilty for keeping this from his parents but on the other hand I feel like he's old enough to decide what food he wants in his body. Also I'm not going to break my promise since he clearly trusted me enough to confide.
  • So now when he comes over, we still have vegan snacks but I don't stop him from eating meat or dairy when he asks. Having said that, I still feel guilty and I'm not sure what the right answer is. Nobody ever prepared me for this situation.
  • a young boy looks to the side as he stands in front of a stone wall
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  • PocketSand314 NTA. 11 is more than old enough to have bodily autonomy and to decide what to put in his own body. If he doesn't want to be vegan when he doesn't have to keep up appearances, then I'd let him make his own choices and keep his secret for him. When he decides he feels safe enough to come clean about it, he will. If he doesn't feel safe at all to tell his parents anything, then I feel worse for him.
  • aokay24 You didnt force him to eat meat he chose to, the same way his parents forced him to become a vegan which I think isnt right, the child should be given that choice to decide.
  • BabyBeanStorm If hes already doing it on his own you might awsell let him in moderation. The big worry is that he will get sick from not being used to it. Stick to the vegan options when you can but dont limit him if he asks for somthing non-vegan. On top of that, you dont have to tlel them what happend at tour house but for his health it might be good to let the parents know youve heard about him maybe eating meat or dairy at school and such
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  • OkCricket7833 THIS IS AWESOME, AND HE IS AMAZING!! The child knows what he wants to put in his own body at 11. It sounds like her parents might be vegan by choice, and if that's the case more power to them. That being said they are also taking away the choice of their child by not allowing him to explore a food journey. Its fantastic the little feels safe with you to share he has begun his journey. The last thing anyone wants is for him to have a traumatic relationship with food.
  • serioussparkles The kid has been doing it, it's not some big bad secret that puts him in harms way. And by creating this safe space with him, if anything major does happen in his life, he will feel comfortable telling you about it. And then if that secret is one his parents need to know, you can address that then.
  • This happened with me and my cousins daughter who would tell me little things here and there. Being so close to my cousin i would tell her, hey your kid told me xyz, and she'd agree to not say anything to her daughter. Which did eventually lead to the girl telling me something really big, and I called her mom the next morning and told her what happened.
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  • Being able to stop that big thing from continuing was worth every other little harmless secret i kept for my baby cousin_ I wouldn't break his trust over this, he's allowed to choose what he eats, or else he's gonna also deal with eating disorders as an adult just as a form of control and lawd, those suck.
  • urweirdenglishteachr He told you what he wants. He's too young to make a decision of veganism for himself, and allowing him to explore his dietary needs is fair. I truly think this is no different than allowing kids exposure to atheism vs. their religious upbringing. You're not making the choice for him, you're letting him figure it out in a safe place. Parents need to be less controlling. Children aren't property.
  • unbroken50 You're ok, he's behaving normally. Experimenting with food is good.
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  • Ok_Conversation5339 I wouldn't worry about it. You're a safe person for him and that promise is worth keeping. He's eating some normal food not committing crimes.

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