Mom pressures 16-year-old son to see his 16-year-old stepsister as his sibling because she's paranoid they'll start dating if they don't feel like siblings: 'They treat us like siblings and want us to feel like siblings, but we don't.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Nov 27, 2025 8:00 AM EST

They should feel grateful for their amicable relationship and leave it at that.

You can't force a sibling relationship between two stepchildren, and you can't force a stepmom or a stepdad to be accepted into a parental role by the child they're step-parenting. While it can be difficult for a parent when their child seemingly stubbornly refuses to accept their new partner and their children, it is so much harder for the kid to be gaslit into treating people who are functionally strangers as close and beloved family members. Emotional closeness between blended family members has to be formed over time, and there's a good chance it won't happen at all, and that's okay. A kid whose age is in double digits isn't going to accept a new parent into their life as quickly as a toddler, and there's nothing wrong with that. If two stepsiblings have a relationship that's closer to that of a roommate than to that of siblings, you shouldn't demand that they become more emotionally attached than they are. That's just going to drive them further apart.

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  • A man and a woman posing for a picture
    via Frank Flores (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The stepsiblings in this story are perfectly okay with treating each other as strangers, but it really bothers their parents that they don't see each other as brother and sister. I don't know why they would, considering their parents married when they were 12, and now they're 16, but the mom believes in miracles.

  • Am I the bad guy? My mom is really freaked out that me and her husband's daughter don't see each other as siblings

    My mom married her husband when I (16m) was 12. Her husband's daughter is the same age as me. They treat us like siblings and want us to feel like siblings but we don't. We consider ourselves only kids still.
    via u/K1i7rr8
  • We don't look at each other as family like they want us to. We don't see our parents spouse as our parent either. I'm indifferent about them and I think she feels the same.
    via u/K1i7rr8
  • A young woman with long blonde hair and a guy standing behind her
    via Frank Flores (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • My mom is really freaked out about it. She tells me at least three times a day that I have a sibling/sister and I should act like it. She tells me our relationship is important and it's way more important than we realized to form that sibling connection. She
    via u/K1i7rr8
  • never told me why. But my grandparents told me it's because she's freaked out that we feel no family connection and could start dating tomorrow because of how we feel. They said it's her worst nightmare.
    via u/K1i7rr8
  • Portrait of woman with emotional stress
    via Curated Lifestyle (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I notice my mom watching us closely when we're in the house at the same time. She tries to push us together but always emphasizes the sibling part. It annoys her husband's daughter who told her over and over she's not her mom and stop pretending to be because she'll never compare (her mom and my dad are dead).
    via u/K1i7rr8
  • AITAH for not seeing this girl as my sibling or trying to for my mom?
    via u/K1i7rr8
  • East_Membership606 I think your parents should be relieved if you two get along and should leave it at that.
    via u/East_Membership606
  • cnew111 That was my thought too. I think step siblings that can co-exist in a home nicely should be the goal of step families. This enforced love is what gets step families in trouble. If you can be friendly that is sufficient. If a more sisterly relationship grows from there that is fine, if a sisterly relationship never happens that is fine too.
    via u/cnew111
  • TootsNYC this is sisterly/brotherly; I'd missed that at first. Mom doesn't want them to fall in love and start dating. But mom just needs to emphasize respect. That'll take care of it all
    via u/TootsNYC
  • Top_Caterpillar_5219 Your mom has obviously been watching the my Fault/your fault movies Have a good chat with her. Tell her the sibling part will never happen. If she keeps insisting, I would pull the big guns out then and tell her if she keeps pushing it, you may ask your "new sister” out.
    via u/Top_Caterpillar_5219
  • Exotic-Rooster4427 Tell your mom then if she were to divorce her husband you would never care to see him or his daughter again. She needs to accept she married her husband. She didn't magically create a new family for you. The connection stops soley at her and her husband. Tell her to stop causing drama unnecessarily because all it will do is push a wedge between you and her.
    via u/Exotic-Rooster4427
  • writing_mm_romance It's kind of creepy that your mom is afraid that you are just going to start dating because you don't view each other as siblings. Seems like a wild leap.
    via u/writing_mm_romance
  • IvoryInfernol NTA. You can't force a sibling bond, especially when it's built on a foundation that's new to you both. A real family connection grows naturally over time, it isn't just declared. It sounds like your mom is more worried about the idea of a perfect blended family than the reality of your actual feelings.
    via u/IvoryInfernol
  • UndeadBuggalo Tell your mom SHE chose her husband as family you did not. Her paranoia about you guys getting together is just ick
    via u/UndeadBuggalo
  • Molinarok Eight years old is the typical cutoff point for a child to see their parent's new spouse as another parent. If the child is already 8, it is likely too late. So no, there is no reason for either parent to expect the step child to see them as a parent. And no, there is no reason to expect two 16 year olds, who met at 12, to see each other as a siblings. Their expectations are not at all reasonable.
    via u/MolinaroK

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step sister stepmother step siblings siblings stepfather stepmom parenting dad family stepdad mom step brother Parenting Fail dating Parenting FAILS family drama
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