54-year-old refuses to attend her friend's "all vegan" Thanksgiving dinner, prompting backlash from the whole friend group: 'It’s really unreasonable for her to insist that I strictly adhere to her dietary choices'

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Ben Weiss • Writer and Editor
Nov 27, 2025 8:00 AM EST

Friendsgivings can be just as difficult as Thanksgiving dinner with your family.

Sure, you're not necessarily with the same generational dynamics, but you are dealing with people problems. In this case, we have a 54-year-old woman who always organized Thanksgiving dinner with her friend group of 10-15 ladies. They alternated who hosted year after year, but one of their friends had a very strict vegan diet. 

When the other friends hosted, they all went out of their way to make sure that their vegan friends had plenty to eat, even if the classic Thanksgiving dishes are not exactly consistent with a vegan diet. Still, they always made it work.

This year, the vegan friend decided it was time that she took the reins and hosted the event. 

What no one realized until just weeks before was that everyone would be eating vegan dishes. Yes, everyone. 

The author and her spouse began to feel like this Thanksgiving would be more of a punishment than an enjoyable experience. They wanted to enjoy Thanksgiving food, the one time a year that everyone else in their community wants it. But when they bowed out of participating in their vegan friend's event, they did not anticipate that the entire rest of the friend group would follow.

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  • A person prepares to slice a cooked turkey.
    via Claudio Schwarz

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • "[Am I wrong] for telling my vegan friend I don’t want to come over for Thanksgiving Dinner?"

    I (54f) have a friend (55f) who went vegan 10 years ago. We've been friends 20 years or more. We have a large group of friends 15-20 and there are a few of us
    via susanrez
  • that switch off cooking dinner on Thanksgiving for whoever is in town. Since "Ann" went vegan we've always accommodated her
    via susanrez
  • dietary restrictions with at the very least some tofurkey, one side dish and one dessert being strictly vegan.
    via susanrez
  • This year Ann jumped in early and for the first time ever said she wanted to cook Thanksgiving this year. Not a problem. Until she informed us in the group chat
    via susanrez
  • dinner will be 100% vegan. Some of us offered to bring more omnivore offerings, including a turkey and she insisted we eat vegan while at her house. She
    via susanrez
  • declared that vegan food "tastes exactly the same" as omnivore food. It does not. I've been to her house and choked down bean burgers and chocolate cake and
    via susanrez
  • probably a dozen other meals each of which she insisted tasted just like the real thing. She even tried to fool me once with a beyond burger, insisting is was a regular hamburger. I have only found a limited number of vegan
    via susanrez
  • dishes I enjoy and none of them have ever been made by her. After thinking it over and discussing it with my husband we decided to privately tell her we were bowing out of dinner on Thanksgiving this year. I told her I wanted turkey, mashed potatoes,
    via susanrez
  • pumpkin pie that were made with traditional ingredients. I could have lied and said we had plans to travel to see family but I don't want lie. Ann has become angrier
    via susanrez
  • and angrier with me since I told her this about a week ago. Then she went and complained to some of the women in our group about me refusing to attend just because she's cooking.
    via susanrez
  • Which is sort of true but still made me angry. So I ended explaining to the other ladies that we all very considerately make vegan dishes just for her at every
    via susanrez
  • party and get together any of us throw and it's really unreasonable for her to insist that I strictly adhere to her dietary choices when I have never demanded the same from her.
    via susanrez
  • So that blew up because all the ladies have now jumped to my way of thinking and decided they will have Thanksgiving at one of their houses instead. (We will not be attending their Thanksgiving either)
    via susanrez
  • My husband says we probably should have lied about going out of town or at the very least I should have not explained my reasoning to the other ladies.
    via susanrez
  • I've decided to stay out of it from here on out but somehow Anna blames me for the whole debacle. AITA for declining to attended a vegan thanksgiving?
    via susanrez
  • A group of people sit around a table for Thanksgiving dinner.
    via Unsplash+ (Karolina Grabowska)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • OP susanrez This makes me feel so much better. Because I was instrumental in the rest of the group bailing on dinner too. But I feel like Ann brought that on herself by complaining to everyone behind my back. Thank you for validating my reasoning!
    via susanrez
  • Tinkerpro Staying out of this now is a good strategy. You didn't do anything wrong. You told your friend you would not be attending giving her more than ample notice (instead of just not showing up). You asked if non Vegan food could be available and she said no. that could cause problems for people like me because soy products are off my list as well as bread and other "fillers". Honestly, I don't want just salad for my thanksgiving meal. You didn't encourage anyone else to back out, you were h
    via susanrez
  • OP susanrez I wasn't going to stir the pot, until she disingenuously claimed I wasn't coming because of her cooking. I admit I was angry when our other friends told me Ann complained to them about my dropping out. So I did point out how they were being screwed to. So there was a small factor of revenge but I never expected it to blow up the way it did.
    via susanrez
  • Kind-Dust7441 My favorite part of this story is the "I've stirred the pot enough and now I'm going to step back and watch it bubble over" ending! ETA: NTA. I am pescatarian but I don't care what anyone says, Thanksgiving is about the traditional turkey and all the fixings.
    via susanrez
  • NTA. Discount_Mithral You accommodated her many times over, but she refuses to do so when hosting. I get that being vegan is a choice most people make for ethical reasons, but the BS line of "it all tastes the same!" is so asinine. It doesn't - and they know it. I often eat vegan meals of my own making, but never once have I made it thinking "this will taste just like that meat dish I made yesterday!" I KNOW it doesn't and I'm happy with my veggies. Hopefully Ann takes this as the eye opening it
    via susanrez
  • Entarotupac Pescatarian here. I am pro \ [food\] choice. There are plenty of vegetarian/vegan dishes that are lovely by themselves. The ones that almost always suck are the ones that are pretending to be something else. Playing food dress up on a holiday defined by the food served will go poorly. NTA
    via susanrez
  • Aggravating-Item9162 NTA. If she was fine with people not coming, would be N A H. Like, I don't see anything inherently WRONG with her cooking only vegan fare, but you can't turn around and be upset with people not wanting that. Like, she doesn't get to force everyone to be vegan or they're a bad person lol
    via susanrez
  • LowBalance4404 NTA and she needs to be careful about slipping people food and lying about what it is. Beyond Burger contains pea protein, which could send people with severe nut allergies directly to the hospital (frequently, if people are allergic to nuts, they are also allergic to peas).
    via susanrez
  • Biomax315 I've been vegan for 34 years. Vegan meat substitutes do not taste "exactly the same," she's delusional. Certainly many sides and desserts can be made vegan with no perceptible difference, but the main dish cannot be. Let's be real. NTA
    via susanrez
  • Jazzlike-Bird-3192 NTA. I'm vegan. I'm making Christmas dinner for friends this year, including a real turkey and lots of other food I won't eat. A few years ago, I had some friends stay for a week at Christmas. I offered to make a turkey, but as only one of them is omnivore, he asked to please not to. I still managed to make a really nice Christmas dinner that everyone enjoyed. As a host, I accommodate my guests.
    via susanrez
  • Wienerwrld She is completely within her rights to allow only vegan food into her home. She is not required to accommodate your preferences. AND, you are allowed to decline her invitation, for whatever reason. NTA.
    via susanrez
  • WillingKnitter YTA. your friend comes to your house every year and settles for not being able to eat most of the things you put on the table. She does that because she wants to spend time with you. You can eat vegan food it's just not your favourite. She cannot eat most of what you put out. Can you not settle to make her happy for just one year? Just seems a strange hill to die on.
    via susanrez

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thanksgiving dinner aita AITAH thanksgiving entitled people karma happy thanskgiving entitled people
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