Adult daughter refuses to bring $100 minimum plate for family Thanksgiving to match the cost of $300 turkey, decides not to attend instead to make a point: 'The way it was presented and the fact that it wasn't agreed to beforehand makes me upset'

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Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Nov 27, 2025 12:00 PM EST

Family gatherings. Something we looked forward to every year as a kid, excited for all the time you were going to spend playing with your cousins, with everyone together and warm cozy vibes supported by good food and conversation.

Blissfully oblivious to the planning, the coordination, and the cost of everything. When dinner was called, all you had to do was grab a plate and dig in.

But, where did all of that food come from? Sure, Mom would get up at the crack of dawn to start the day-long process of cooking the stuffed turkey, but aside from that and the apples you peeled for apple pie, you really took all of that for granted.

If you've ever cooked a meal for four or so people, you know how much work and how expensive even a simple meal can be. (When did food get so expensive?) By the time you account for all of your extended family, numbering 10 to 20 people, it's an exorbitant cost that one person couldn't possibly shoulder. 

While you can get away with freeloading when you're a kid, by the time you're an adult-sized kid, you need to contribute beyond peeling the apples. Still, you can't just go blindsiding people with costs, especially in this economy, and just because you decided to splash out on food for the holidays doesn't mean that everyone in your family is going to be able to match you. 

Who is in the wrong here? It's hard to say, but I think the poster gets the edge on this once since she wasn't privy to the expectation of cost. Still, how much does a plate for a whole extended family cost these days? I'd be shocked if it wasn't somewhere north of $50.

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  • 01

    "WIBTA for refusing to bring $100 minimum to Thanksgiving"

    My family and I celebrate Thanksgiving every year with my siblings, parents, and their kids. Roughly 20-25 people (including kids). My family is only 2 people with one 6 month old baby.
    via americanjohn500
  • 02
    A family sits together around the table sharing a holiday dinner.
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova For Unsplash+

    The image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 03
    In the group chat it was decided that my nephew would cook meat since he bought a grill. He also told us that we could bring the sides. He chose to spend $300 on meat.
    via americanjohn500
  • 04
    I messaged in the group chat that we would bring mashed potatoes. My sister responding that every "family" has to bring $100 worth of food minimum or help my nephew pay for the meat.
    via americanjohn500
  • 05
    I'm not totally against the idea of bringing that much food, but just the way it was presented and the fact that it wasn't agreed to beforehand makes me upset. The following day in the group chat, my sister said: "Option 1: bring food enough for everyone, not just yourself
    via americanjohn500
  • 06
    Option 2: help thomas pay for meet $100/family Option 3: help dad pay water bill $200/family. Choose wisely..." Upset, I responded with Option 4: don't show up.
    via americanjohn500
  • 07
    Am I being an asshole if I don't show up at all in "protest" to this $100 minimum rule? Update: I'm a teacher and she posted a picture of my salary she found online to shame me in the group chat. Definitely not going now.
    via americanjohn500
  • 08
    A family shares a holiday meal together at the table
    via Curated Lifestyle For Unsplash+

    The image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 09
    AOWLock1 NTA, this is a potluck not a charity dinner. If your nephew couldn't afford to buy the meat he shouldn't have bought it
    via americanjohn500
  • 10
    geniusscientist The math isn't mathing. $300 divided amongst 20- 25 people is not $100 per family.
    via americanjohn500
  • 11
    Ibw12345 Don't forget petty option. #5, buy $100 worth of mashed potato ingredients and show up with 50 lbs of mashed potatoes. NTA $100 worth of sides per family is obscene and far too much food
    via americanjohn500
  • 12
    M... Edited to add: NTA I have never in my life seen a water bill over $200 Your sister kind of sounds like a controlling asshole
    via americanjohn500
  • 13
    BlueSkyMourning Your sister posting your salary makes her TAH
    via americanjohn500

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Tags

family drama thanksgiving sibling rivalry siblings family feud holiday drama family holidays happy thanksgiving
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