‘It’s a waste of money’: Entitled "girlfriend-in-law" doesn't make any effort to get to know the family of her children's father, so “sister-in-law” removes her from the holiday gift list

Author image for Elna McHilderson
Elna McHilderson • Managing Editor
Dec 5, 2025 4:00 PM EST

Family dynamics can be funny, especially during the holidays. Take this sister's "girlfriend-in-law." The brother has an on-again/off-again girlfriend that he has two kids with. We don't know the relationship between the two other than it looks very toxic, hence the on-again/off-again. So, this coldness also comes out in how she treats the family of her children's father. She acts entitled, but also closed off. She only wants to hang with them when it is convenient to her and will get in loud shouting matches if anyone disagrees with her. The family loves the children, but it is hard to spend time with them without her. So they endure it. 

 

However, this coming holiday,  the unofficial "sister-in-law" decided to take a stand. She now refuses to get this "girlfriend-in-law" anything for the holidays. True, it is half because she straight up just does not like her. However, it is also because any time they have gotten each other gifts before, it's something the other doesn't want at all. So they both just end up getting each other junk. To save herself the space bother physically in her home, but also in her mind, she's not giving a gift and not asking for one. Is this how you would handle your strange family dynamics during the holidays?

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  • "AITA for saying my brothers 'girlfriend' and I shouldn't exchange Christmas Gifts going forward?"

    a group of people sitting around a christmas tree
    via Unsplash+ (and Jakob Owens)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I (41F) have a brother (39M) who has two kids that I adore. He lives with the kids' mom (36F), who we'll call Karen.
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  • They live and co- parent together and neither is seeing anyone else, but they've said they won't officially be together, which is probably for the best, as they're toxic together.
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  • They've been on and off for about six years. When Karen first moved in and started attending holidays, I tried to be kind and include her as family: accommodating food preferences, buying gifts, and treating each day as a clean (ish) slate.
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  • However, Karen is, honestly, awful to be around. She makes no effort to build relationships with our family.
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  • If she's not in the mood to socialize, she takes the kids and hides in her room, coming out only when necessary for food or drinks.
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  • When she does come out, she's either short with people or ignores them entirely. When she isn't hiding, she picks at people, bullies them, and kills the mood (holidays, BBQs, or random get- togethers) for no reason other than to be unpleasant.
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  • For example, while visiting a family member's home, she criticized their outdated countertops, original wood floors that need work, and boxes that hadn't yet been unpacked (they'd only lived there four months and were focusing on needed repairs).
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  • Then she went on to tell this person they "needed" to have kids. This family member is past a safe age for having kids, had a miscarriage in their 20s, and has health conditions that would make any pregnancy extremely high- risk for both mother and baby.
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  • Karen kept pushing until this person was in tears and she has done this to them multiple times.
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  • If people are playing a video game, she bullies anyone who isn't as good as her: "You suck at this." "Can't you figure out how to play better?" "You should just quit, it's a waste of a turn." If we're outside chatting, she comes out and makes degrading comments about whoever is there, then tears people down further once they leave.
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  • On top of all this, Karen can't keep a job. Six months is about the longest she lasts before quitting because she doesn't like someone she works with.
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  • She isn't a stay-at- home mom either, because she can't handle both the kids and household responsibilities.
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  • She expects her family to help pay her bills when she's unemployed. She doesn't pay rent or utilities.
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  • She does help with groceries, but mostly buys things she likes and some items for the kids.
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  • a woman sitting in front of a christmas tree holding a cup
    via Unsplash+ (and CURVD)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I think you get the picture. After a few years of struggling to find her Christmas gifts (she has no hobbies or interests beyond TikTok; I've tried beauty gift cards, a massage-which she gave away-a mother's necklace, and clothing), and receiving items I don't want or need in return, I told my brother that going forward Karen and I should skip exchanging gifts.
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  • She says it's because I don't like her (which is true), but my real reason is that it's a waste of money on both sides when neither of us gets anything we want or will use.
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  • For the record, I do give gift ideas. If anyone asks, I can usually give 5 or so suggestions in their price range.
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  • My brother and I set spending limits for each other, the kids and parents have different limits, and I encourage people to check in with each other so duplicates are avoided.
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  • When I ask Karen or my brother for ideas of gifts for her, I get nothing.
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  • Despite this, Karen and I still end up with things we won't use. So... AITA for telling my brother that his "girlfriend" and I shouldn't exchange Christmas gifts anymore?
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  • Edit: Yes, we are aware she is toxic. No one questions this. Yes, we let her "get away" with the poor behavior while she was postpartum and pregnant to not stress out a postpartum mother or a pregnant woman.
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  • Yes, we have started clapping back. Thanksgiving she got a couple clap backs that she didn't like.
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  • No, we haven't "shut it down" for fear of losing access to the kids. We LOVE them, we want to be in their lives.
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  • She already hides them away when is isn't in the mood for company or because she is in a mood.
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  • Brother does sometimes go get them but he doesn't like causing fights. She is completely unhinged when she is mad.
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  • Yelling, screaming, calling the cops for zero reason (watched this once myself, I felt so bad for the responding officers).
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  • a woman holding a wrapped present in front of a christmas tree
    via Unsplash+ (and Kateryna Hliznitsova)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • One commenter said she was abusive. She is, to my brother and his family. The kids, no.
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  • She is either a helicopter mom or disengaged. Adding that word though puts a different spin on brother.
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  • People in abusive "relationships" don't get out till they are ready. He clearly isn't ready. Why?
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  • I don't know. I have never understood why he was with her. Not the point of the post though.
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  • And yes, I told my brother once she had the second baby I was done with her comments.
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  • I have stuck to that. He knows how much I dislike her attitude towards me and others and once her hormones were somewhat back to normal I wasn't biting my tongue and I would call her out.
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  • Again, not the point of the post. I was doing a very little Christmas shopping on Black Friday and running through the list of people I needed to buy for and was questioning if I was an AH for not wanting to exchange gifts with her.
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  • It's week 3 (iykyk) and was feeling a little bad about that decision and thought I would ask the question before reminding brother I wouldn't be getting her anything this year.
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  • people thought I was the AH, I have plenty of time to change the plans and figure something out.
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Tags

christmas family drama presents girlfriend in law brother siblings budgeting sister in law family sister holidays entitled people
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