‘I feel manipulated, she is competing with me’: 51-year-old Becky copies friend’s wedding plan and rushes her 2026 event to happen before, pushing 35 years of friendship to an end

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Etai Eshet • Editor
Dec 19, 2025 6:00 PM EST

35 years of friendship start circling the drain when one woman spends two years planning a small destination wedding, and her longtime friend, Becky, suddenly sprints to schedule a near copy of the same plan just ahead of her.  

The bride has a long-term partner, a clear timeline, a destination date, and a later hometown reception. Her friend Becky begs to officiate, cries when told no, and only stops after getting an invite she was never meant to have, then does not even bother to open the email or RSVP. Fast forward, and Becky gets engaged, immediately announces her own destination wedding with a local reception a few months later, and even times her bachelorette party for the week after. All of it is set before the original wedding, and she tells a mutual friend not to share dates, as if the whole thing is a secret launch.  

Mutual friends, who came into Becky's life through the bride, start saying the quiet part out loud. The double set of events is financially draining, the timing feels deliberate, and the pattern is familiar. This is not the first time Becky has scheduled around someone else's milestone and then tried to pull the same crowd. The bride feels copied, sidelined, and used, especially after being guilted into including someone who has done none of the basic courtesy that came with that performance.  


By 50, no one should have to litigate wedding dates with a supposed friend. Walking away and pulling the invites is less drama and more quality control.

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  • AITA for ending a 35 year friendship because my friend is getting married before me?

    Two adult women sitting on a living room couch engaged in an intense conversation, gesturing with their hands while facing each other, appearing to argue or have a serious discussion about a personal or emotional issue in a home setting.
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I (50F) am marrying my partner (47M) of over 10 years next year. We have been planning this wedding for about 2 years.
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  • (Second marriage for my fiancé and I) We will be having a destination wedding to our favorite place May 9th and then a few months later a reception at home.
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  • Our wedding is planned to be a very small affair with close friends and family. Someone I have known most my life, I'll call her Becky (51F) asked to officiate our wedding, as this is something she does and loves doing.
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  • However, my best friend asked if she could and obtained all the legal documentation to do so.
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  • About a year and a half ago, I told Becky that my best friend would be doing the officiating, she proceeded to cry, tell me how hurt she is, how much it matters to be invited and then said when she got married, she wanted me to officiate her wedding no matter what.
    via Calm-Moment501
  • Two adult women sitting on a living room couch having a serious face-to-face conversation, with concerned expressions and attentive body language, suggesting an emotional discussion or conflict between family members or close friends in a home setting.
    via Krakenimages.com

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • So, feeling like an A-hole, I caved and invited her. I did not plan to but I didn't want drama, ironically.
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  • The time between now and then, she has not RSVP, has not even opened the e-mail invite, yet continues to make comments about they will be there.
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  • Fast forward to this fall. Becky gets engaged with her long time partner of 4 years Tommy (Age Unknown M).
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  • First marriage for Becky, second for Tommy. Becky has befriended a friend of mine Sarah (38F).
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  • Becky informed Sarah of their wedding date, January 2026, at her favorite place, making it a destination wedding, and they will have a reception in town, in April, a few months later, like me.
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  • She is also planning a bachelorette party the week after mine. She also asked Sarah to specifically not tell me these dates, maybe just to keep the destination wedding secret, but she is not sure.
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  • Clearly Sarah told me. During all this, I still have not received an RSVP for anything.
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  • Mutual friends (mind you, our mutual friends are friends I have introduced her to) are stating how with my bachelorette party, wedding, and reception, they have had 2 years to plan and save for the wedding, parties, and wedding presents, but now this rushed wedding of Becky feels financially straining.
    via Calm-Moment501
  • There is also questions about why is everything being rushed, and HAS to be done before my wedding date.
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  • This is not the first time Becky has tried to invite my friends to her events around big events I have planned.
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  • I feel manipulated for one. Everything she cried about in 2024 to get an invite has not happened and it's been over a year.
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  • I feel my wedding ideas are being copied. I feel like she is competing with me for the attention, the big moment, and the attention of our mutual friends.
    via Calm-Moment501
  • The ones I have talked to are telling me they feel the same and Becky is not my friend.
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  • I feel at 50, I shouldn't even have to have this conversation, and these actions are on purpose.
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  • I'm lost on why she is doing this, because planning a destination wedding, I do not have time to attend any of her events she's squeezing in for her events, and it's rude to even ask.
    via Calm-Moment501
  • I am thinking about writing a text message after her wedding simply stating this is how I feel and I choosing to end the friendship and revoking her invites.
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  • I don't want to do it now because I don't want to cause problems for Sarah for telling me.
    via Calm-Moment501
  • AITA if I do that?
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bad friend friends mean girls wedding fiancé
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