Man refuses to skip his annual memorial volunteer day at an animal shelter to attend his girlfriend’s family reunion, claiming that the specific day held "special significance" for him and his late dog: 'It's about honoring a commitment and a memory'

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Dec 19, 2025 4:00 AM EST

There is almost nothing that can ever truly replace the loving and safe presence of our childhood dogs. Our first pet is the milestone that every young child wishes for at least once after blowing out their birthday candles. I still remember the exciting day I got my first dog as if it were yesterday. A perfect little blonde Labrador wobbling over his own perfect little legs. And with every year that passes, the wishes turn into praying that they could stay this young and lively forever. I think almost everyone has shared that dream…

This man was lucky enough to experience that special bond, and even though his childhood doggy is no longer physically around, he still makes a point to honor him every year by volunteering at a dog shelter. The same day, the same time, every single year. A beautiful tradition that he has come to cherish…The thing is, because he is so set on that specific date, when other things seem to come up in life, he tends to push those "spontaneous" plans to the side. But is meeting your girlfriend's whole family also considered "too spontaneous" for him to bail on his day of volunteering?

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  • Well, he seems to think that a commitment is a commitment, and that he shouldn't have to miss out on his annual tradition to accommodate his girlfriend's needs…She's not very impressed with his choices, feeling as though he has chosen honoring his late dog over meeting her whole family…Perhaps there are certain times to make exceptions, or is she the one who lacks sympathy? Some could argue that, as beautiful as his tradition is, maybe it's time to start focusing on the future, instead of being so set on the past. 

  • Two friends volunteering at an animal shelter
    via africa-images

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • AITJ for refusing to skip my annual volunteer day to attend my girlfriend's family event?

    I (28M) have a tradition that's really important to me. Every year on the anniversary of my childhood dog's passing, I take the day off work to volunteer at the local animal shelter.
    via Feisty-Wishbone3213
  • I spend the day walking dogs, playing with cats, and helping out with whatever they need.
    via Feisty-Wishbone3213
  • In the evening, I make a donation in my dog's memory. It's my way of honoring him and giving back.
    via Feisty-Wishbone3213
  • My girlfriend Lily (27F) knows how much this means to me. I've invited her to join me before, but she's not really an animal person.
    via Feisty-Wishbone3213
  • Anyway, this year, Lily's family decided to have a big reunion on the same day as my volunteer day.
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  • She asked me to skip the shelter this time so I could meet her extended family.
    via Feisty-Wishbone3213
  • I reminded her gently that I had already committed to volunteering and wouldn't feel right about bailing.
    via Feisty-Wishbone3213
  • Lily got pretty upset. She said I was prioritizing dogs over her family and that I could volunteer any other day.
    via Feisty-Wishbone3213
  • I tried to explain that this specific day held a special significance for me, but she wasn't having it.
    via Feisty-Wishbone3213
  • Frustrated woman talking on the phone
    via gettyimages

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • On the day of my volunteer shift, while I was at the shelter, Lily kept texting me pictures of her family, saying how much fun I was missing out on.
    via Feisty-Wishbone3213
  • I'll admit, it made me feel guilty, but I tried to focus on the animals. When I got home that evening, I had a long voicemail from Lily.
    via Feisty-Wishbone3213
  • She said I had embarrassed her by not showing up and that her parents thought I was flaky and irresponsible now.
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  • She also said some hurtful things about how I care more about dead dogs than living people.
    via Feisty-Wishbone3213
  • I haven't replied yet. Part of me wants to apologize for upsetting her, but another part of me feels like my tradition is valid and important to me.
    via Feisty-Wishbone3213
  • It's not about choosing dogs over people, it's about honoring a commitment and a memory. So, AITJ for sticking to my plan?
    via Feisty-Wishbone3213
  • Man picking up the bowel that the dog finished eating from
    via africa-images

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • zomgitsduke I bet she told her parents you WOULD be there and she wasn't able to explain why you weren't. Also, not a pet lover, yet you LOVE pets? I dunno dude, that's a red flag in terms of compatibility.
    via zomgitsduke
  • alicat777777 I really don't think the earth would have caved in if you moved your volunteering by a day. It was a big event to meet your gf's family. The idea is to give a tribute to your dog and do something nice. This seems like you were just digging in your heals and being stubborn. It would be really difficult to commit to this exact day for the rest of your life. Plus you may have other pets that are super special and then you could have a bunch of days that you have to hold sacred. I think
    via alicat777777
  • tuenthe463 I love your tradition. I also find it a little inflexible to not move your volunteering to a different date for something that matters to someone you care about.
    via tuenthe463
  • AmazingLark NTJ. The only reason her parents would think you are flaky and irresponsible is if she lied to them that you would come. All she had to do was tell her family that you had a prior commitment, and would meet them a different time.
    via AmazingLark
  • Inside_Beautiful_595 I think the volunteerism is lovely however, to be so inflexible about a specific date to do so, seems unhealthy imho.
    via Inside_Beautiful_595
  • ArachnidWorldly 7010 NTJ. Your tradition is meaningful and you were upfront about it. She's being unreasonable.
    via ArachnidWorldly7010

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dogs tradition honoring-pet girlfriend volunteering commitments
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