Petty coworker Sapphire’s Secret Santa gift ignores colleague’s stated allergy, pushing the 27-year-old to report Sapphire once again: ‘My boss didn’t take sides, but it’s now been 4 days, and Sapphire refuses to make eye contact’

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Dec 27, 2025 5:00 PM EST

There's a meme I saw a while ago (and added below for you to also enjoy) where a boss tells a new employee there are pros and cons to working for his company. One being the fun activities they arrange for their employees, and the employee replies, " Right, and what are the pros?" And the story this woman shared instantly made me think of it.

I get why team building is important, I really do. The problem is that a lot of times, the more you get to know the people in your team, the more you start playing with the idea of building a one-man colony on a mountain and just completely dropping out of civilization. And although she doesn't say it explicitly, I know if I were in her shoes, my mind would be up that mountain growing his own produce.  And just team building activities, office holiday traditions tend to reveal more than they celebrate. Something as small as a gift exchange can quietly show how people really feel about one another. The smiles stay polite, but underneath the tinsel and coffee‑stained gift bags, there is a whole system of small grudges, fragile alliances, and silent competitions. Workplaces turn into small ecosystems where kindness shares space with irritation, and the annual cheer just gives everyone new props to work with.  

It is rarely about the gift itself. A five-dollar limit does not buy generosity, it buys interpretation. Every mug, candle, or candy bar becomes a small clue in an ongoing mystery of who likes whom. Sometimes the choices are thoughtful, sometimes lazy, and sometimes just pointed enough to raise an eyebrow. Even little moments like this can carry the weight of a long buildup, quiet resentment turned festive.  

That is the strange thing about office relationships: they collect tension almost by accident. Everyone wants to seem easygoing, but proximity turns every minor irritation into a small story. Gift exchanges just put a bow on that pattern. It is rarely malicious, just human, people trying to play nice while barely holding it together. 

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  • I promised a meme and i shall provide

    Boss: there are pros and cons with working here Me: ok Boss: like we arrange lots of fun activities for the employees Me: right, and pros? random.ape
    via SpillTheMemes
  • I (27 F) have repeatedly reported my coworker (24 F) I'll call her Sapphire, for many things, including but not limited to phone usages, foul language and blatant disrespect.
    via Adept-Bug705

  • Am I wrong for telling my boss my Secret Santa was petty?

    A woman wearing a Santa hat and green tinsel looks down at a red heart-shaped gift with a conflicted expression, while another woman beside her gestures and watches, suggesting an awkward or disappointing holiday gift moment.
    via H_Ko

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • But it all has come to a head with our work secret Santa exchange. For content we work in childcare, which comes with basic rules like not being on your phone and paying attention to the children.
    via Adept-Bug705
  • We don't make a lot of money, and this plays into the Secret Santa. Anyway, a few years ago secret Santa was a disaster so one of the other staff (let's call her Rachel) took over and now knows who has who and makes sure that gifts are given.
    via Adept-Bug705
  • The way we do our secret Santa is we fill out a sheet of paper with likes, dislikes, allergies (important), and preferences.
    via Adept-Bug705
  • Mine included things like Snickers, yarn, Coffee, and under allergy I put Bananas. Then we get our person and we have one week to get them a small $5 gift, and then we give our "big" $20 gift at the staff Christmas party.
    via Adept-Bug705
  • I knew who had me almost immediately, because of all my other coworkers reactions. It was Sapphire, who I've disagreed with since I got back from vacation.
    via Adept-Bug705
  • I figured no big deal. It'll be ok. I'll just trust the process. So I go and get my gifts for my person.
    via Adept-Bug705
  • A woman in a Santa hat and green tinsel looks down at a heart-shaped gift box with a forced, disappointed expression during a holiday exchange indoors.
    via H_Ko

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • And when I received my first gift from Sapphire, I was excited because many times the first gift is snacks!
    via Adept-Bug705
  • But instead I got dollar tree water colors and my initial in the shape of an animal I don't even like.
    via Adept-Bug705
  • I never said I'd didn't like the gift, I just simply stated what I got to another coworker as we were comparing gifts.
    via Adept-Bug705
  • Fast forward to the staff Christmas party and we are all passing out our gifts and I was super excited because it was pretty heavy and in a pretty big bag.
    via Adept-Bug705
  • When I opened it though it was a few left over Halloween candies and a giant squishy banana
    via Adept-Bug705
  • A woman wearing a Santa hat and green tinsel looks up with a visibly disappointed expression while holding an opened heart-shaped gift box during a Christmas gift exchange.
    via H_Ko

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • On the sheet I put that I don't like/can't have banana. I was very unset but didn't say anything until she had left then reported it to my boss and Rachel.
    via Adept-Bug705
  • Rachel said that Sapphire heard me talking about my gift and it made her feel bad so she didn't try with my second gift.
    via Adept-Bug705
  • To which I responded "all I said was that I got water colors and my initial in the shape of an animal" But Rachel continued to defend Sapphire vehemently whereas my boss didn't take sides but just said we should come back to the discussion later.
    via Adept-Bug705
  • It's now been 4 days and Sapphire refuses to make eye contact. UPDATE: After reading the comments I would like to clarify that when I say squishy I mean like a sensory toy/fidget toy.
    via Adept-Bug705
  • And yes, I realize that I might seem petty on my part, thats why I'm asking.
    via Adept-Bug705
  • I thank everyone who is responding though as it's helping me understand other POVS and perspectives, not just my own.
    via Adept-Bug705
  • I would like to reiterate the fact that I never complained about my first gift, I literally just stated what I had received.
    via Adept-Bug705

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Tags

terrible coworkers workplace discussion christmas employment issues boss workplace-stories manager coworkers Secret Santa colleague workplace
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