'I don’t see the issue if he’s just in my room': Woman refuses to let roommate’s on-again, off-again boyfriend stay rent-free in their apartment while her roommate travels, after she gives him a spare key to "feed the cat"

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Jan 14, 2026 10:00 AM EST

Ahhhh, the on-again-off-again boyfriend! A rom-com classic!  

Except, this is not a rom-com: This is her roommate's entitled "boo" with a spare key! So much worse…Living with another human being is bound to have its complications, whether or not you were "besties" beforehand. After all, no two people on earth act the same, eat the same, or most definitely live the same. That's no surprise to us, after all, many roommate dynamics have their complications…However, those highs and lows should be contained strictly between each roommate, not an entire entourage…  

And in this case, by "entourage", we actually mean an entitled, non-contributory freeloader, in the form of this woman's roommate's two-week-at-a-time boyfriend. Bit of a mouthful? We understand. However, unfortunately, that's the best and most accurate way to describe him. Despite the harsh description on our part, we are well aware that the actual blame for this situation should fall on her roommate for allowing said boyfriend to take advantage of their shared apartment. A bit lost? Let's rewind… 
 

This semi-gf was going away on an overseas vacation, leaving behind her roomie and cat. But as she was heading out the door. She informed her roomie that her on-again boyfriend will be "in and out" of the apartment while she's away! But before the door could slam closed, her roomie stopped her, demanding an explanation regarding the necessity of these unannounced visits. 

Her excuse? Feeding the cat. 

I mean, her man's a known freeloader who can't even spell r-e-n-t, so she should try a better excuse than Purina.

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  • I hope for their sake that this friendship makes it through. But after the “not-so-kind” words exchanged, we're not feeling entirely optimistic. But what we know for certain is something in this triangle needs to be sacrificed…And to be honest, the only two options lie between his spare key and their lease. So what will it be? A lifelong friendship or a man who portrays just as much commitment as an old, stiffly-spiked paint brush. 

  • Young adult male relaxing on the couch with his hands behind his head
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • AITA for not allowing my roommates boyfriend to come and go as he pleases while she is away on vacation?

    A small backstory - my roommate and are 26 years old and are also bestfriends for a few years now.
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  • She has a boyfriend that I do really like a lot the only thing is he is ALWAYS at our apartment.
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  • They are also on and off constantly for about a year now. I have never heard her say they were actually dating before this situation.
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  • He lives at home with his mom so I always gave him the benefit of the doubt and never said anything about him staying with us every night (even though he obviously doesn't pay rent) and have overall been very lenient with the situation.
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  • She also gave this man a spare set of keys to our apartment a few months ago???
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  • Woman with painted nails handing a man a pair of house keys
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • So onto the story. My roommate was leaving to go on a 12 day vacation in a different country.
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  • As she was leaving to go to the airport she said to me "Bye! My boyfriend will be in and out throughout the week" I said "What?
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  • Why would he need to be here" she says "To feed my cat". Now I should also mention, I feed her cat most nights anyways since she works night shifts and I work day shifts.
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  • And I was also planning to be home the duration of her trip so I am able to feed and give her cat attention.
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  • I also have cats so we are both very used to caring for all 3 cats.
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  • I told her no. He can't be coming in and out of the apartment while she is not here because it's literally just weird and pointless since I am caring for her cat...... what other reason would he need to come over?
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  • She went on to say "Well i just don't see the issue if he's just in my room." Okay so he is not just coming over to feed the cat - then he is coming over to hangout in your room.
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  • I say "No" again and she rolls her eyes an leaves. Now this is the part where i might be the asshole.
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  • I sent her a text afterwards and said "Just to reiterate, I love him but there is just no need of him to be here while you aren't.
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  • Also, it's already weird that he has a set of keys when you guys aren't even dating." To which she replied that they are dating.
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  • I said "Yeah every 2 weeks dude" Me saying that made her call me mean and rude over a series of 3 or 4 texts and now she is really upset with me and we haven't spoken for a week.
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  • Stressed woman sitting on the coach with her hands on her temples
    via Karola G

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I did apologize and say I didn't think that would make her so upset. We have never had a fight like this before and would like to know if I'm in the wrong and should make more of an effort to apologize again.
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  • AITA?
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  • No-Possible6108 Hold on a second - what does your lease agreement say about duplicating keys and off-lease residents? Former leasing agent/manager here. If they're in violation & the landlord is of a mind, you could all be on the street.
    via No-Possible6108
  • OP brainprompt I will look into this, thank you. Our building is quite large and I have never actually physically seen our landlord before so I do believe they wouldn't find out but it would still be nice to know and would give me a better argument and best not to find out the hard way!
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  • atchisonmetal He's not getting mail at your place, is he?
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  • OP brainprompt No, no mail!
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  • Tamekyaa NTAH... He don't need to be there when she is not there and I would say change the locks but when you give her a new set she just going to get a copy and give him a set... If he got a key which he do you need to talk to her he has a key to YOU AND HER place where y'all paying rent but he don't help on anything he can be her boyfriend without having a key.. It might be time for you to move to your own apartment if you can afford to and let her and her on again off again boyfriend keep th
    via Tamekyaa
  • Beefcake-Pantyhose You say you havent talked in a while. I'm nosey, has he been coming over to the apartment while she's away?
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  • OP brainprompt I don't think so, I worked 3 times last week and it is possible he was there when I wasn't but honestly I don't think he would do that since he told her he is scared of me
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  • jasperjonns What she really meant by "Feeding the cat" and "Well i just don't see the issue if he's just in my room." is "He wants to continue to sleep in my bedroom because he lives with us without paying any rent".
    via jasperjonns
  • mladyhawke Sounds like it's time to split the rent three ways if you never get to be alone. Even when your roommate's out of town
    via mladyhawke

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boyfriend spare key overstaying-welcome boundaries roommates vacation
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