Absent classmate accuses diligent student of being selfish, after she refuses to share her class notes with him, despite repeatedly doing so in the past, sparking disagreement among friend group: 'I feel like I’m being used and enabling him to skip class'

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Jan 29, 2026 3:00 PM EST

There are two types of students: Those who actually pick up a pen and write on the page, and those who take pictures of it…

There is no doubt that the majority of success comes from hard work, and that piggybacking off someone else's effort can only get you so far in life…But it's evident that some people are willing to test just how far they can get, before actually having to put their own two feet on the ground…This is definitely not a new concept, nor is it something that starts and ends in middle school…Freeloading 'friends' can be found in schools, colleges, and most certainly in the working-world. That is why it's essential to know the difference between a genuine fellow student or coworker and someone who is using you to reach the finish line with minimal speed and effort. 

This student's middle name is practically diligence, and at this point, she's starting to get back pains from carrying the weight of her lazy classmate. After months of the same cycle: Him never showing up to class, and her giving him access to all her notes. An endless cycle that she realizes is no longer serving her, and frankly, making her feel pretty used. So one day, when he contacts her asking for notes on the classes he missed, she refuses to help him out…Recommending that he ask the teacher for advice if he's feeling behind in the content. 

This classmate dispute tends to cause a divide in the friendgroup…With some agreeing with her, finally putting her foot down, and others claiming that her refusal is selfish and uncalled for! 

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  • Students writing in their school notebooks
    via truecreatives

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • AITAH for refusing to keep giving my notes to someone who never shows up?

    I'm in school and I'm in a class where attendance actually matters because the teacher explains things that aren't in the textbook.
    via Major_State_7298
  • I'm pretty organized, I take detailed notes, and I review them after class. There's this kid who skips a LOT.
    via Major_State_7298
  • Like at least once or twice a week. After every class he misses, he texts me asking for pictures of my notes.
    via Major_State_7298
  • At first I don't mind because I get that people have stuff going on. But it keeps happening.
    via Major_State_7298
  • He never asks anyone else, never offers anything in return, and never thanks me beyond a quick "got it." Last week I'm swamped with homework and sports, and he texts me again asking for notes.
    via Major_State_7298
  • Young girl writing in her notebook while sitting in the corridor
    via karola-g

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I tell him I can't this time and that he should probably start coming to class or asking the teacher for help.
    via Major_State_7298
  • He gets annoyed and says I'm being selfish and that it doesn't cost me anything to send pictures.
    via Major_State_7298
  • Now a couple of people say I'm being dramatic and should just help him out, but I feel like I'm being used and enabling him to skip class.
    via Major_State_7298

  • Here are 5 effective ways to get other students to stop asking to use your notes: 

    1.) Blame your schedule
    “Sorry, I've been swamped with classes and extracurriculars. Maybe ask someone else if you need it soon.”

    2.) Redirect them
    Lead them to the water, but don't hold the glass for them…"Try asking the lecturer or checking the slides, you'll find everything you need there."

    3.) Give less, not nothing
    If saying no is more difficult for you, send a vague summary instead of full notes, and hopefully they'll stop relying on you.

    4.) Be consistent
    Don’t listen to the “just this once” excuse, that’s why they keep coming back. Repeat your response until they finally get the hint.

    1.) Just say no 
    No explanation needed. 

  • Jellybean985 Tell those people to send their notes
    via Jellybean985
  • Last_Past4438 Inta. he's going to be a nightmare colleague when he gets a job.
    via Last_Past4438
  • Defiant_Sir4624 You're better than me I'd waste my time making fake notes to ruin his day →
    via Defiant_Sir4624
  • fiercetits2469 Tell him to kick rocks, it's not your responsibility to take notes it's HIS. Maybe he'll start attending class.
    via fiercetits2469
  • PangolinTart Doesn't cost you anything? How about the time and brain power you exert for those notes. How about those apples?
    via PangolinTart
  • Ok-Complex5075 NTA. If he comes back about it or anyone else says anything, tell them it was fine to do it once in a while, but you can't do it anymore, as you need your own notes. Suggest he ask another classmate who might not need their notes. If a classmate has an issue with it, tell them to give him their notes. This guy is 100% using you, so continue not letting him.
    via Ok-Complex5075
  • Students whispering to each other during class
    via zurijeta

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Right_Foundation_656 NTA. You're not his personal note service. Helping once in a while is fine, but this is a pattern and he's choosing not to show up. Setting a boundary isn't selfish.
    via Right_Foundation_656
  • Some-Energy-9070 So those people that are calling you dramatic, why aren't they giving him notes? Because you are the easy one. Stop giving people notes, you're just enabling them to skip class.
    via Some-Energy-9070
  • Imsortofok NTA. You're not his personal assistant. Now, if he wants to pay for your notes... tell him notes cost $500. He'll fuck off.
    via Imsortofok
  • Trans-masc-enby NTA!!! do not give him your notes. it is up to him and him alone to inusre he passes or fails
    via Trans-masc-enby
  • Mueryk NTA Venmo request $10 per ask. Note - you can buy my morning coffee out of this deal.
    via Mueryk
  • petitebutty NTA. You're not his secretary. He's using you, and your "friends" who say otherwise are freeloaders too. Stop sending notes.
    via petitebutty

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