Tenant forced to change apartment locks after discovering friend made copies of his keys while cat-sitting, friend insists it was for his safety: ‘You don't trust me’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Feb 4, 2026 6:00 PM EST

How would you feel if you found out someone else made themselves a key to your home?

Realistically speaking, it's sensible to have someone you know and trust have a key to your home. If you don't have a spare key, you should definitely make one and give it to your parents or a close friend you trust for safekeeping. This way, in case of an emergency or even if you simply need someone to water your plants, you have someone to call and help you out.

The most important part is that the person who keeps the key is someone you fully trust. If you don't trust them, then the decision to give them a key to your home could lead to the exact opposite of what you initially intended–you would just end up feeling unsafe and uneasy in your own space.

The weird thing about the story below is that the tenant didn't even get to decide who had a spare key to his apartment; the decision was made for him. 

It all started when this tenant had to travel for work for a week, and asked his friend, Derek, to drop by his place a few times to feed his cat and make sure everything was okay. Derek happily agreed. When the tenant returned home, everything seemed fine until Derek decided to reveal that he made a copy of the key while he had it, claiming it was just in case something happened. The tenant was immediately uncomfortable with Derek's actions–he completely took the decisions into his own hands, without so much as a word to ask for the tenant's permission to make a copy of his key.

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  • The even weirder thing was that when the tenant asked for the copy back, Derek refused to give it up. He insisted it was for the safety of his friend that the key remain with him, and got annoyed whenever the friend acted like he was overstepping.

    This led the tenant to the only option he had left to feel safe in his own home: change the lock. However, for some reason, he decided to tell Derek about it, and Derek was not happy about the implications…

  • Young man entering his home apartment after work
    via Nemanja Potkonjak

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • AITA for changing my locks after my friend admitted he made a copy of my key "for emergencies?"

    I (32M) live alone. One of my close friends (31m, "Derek") has helped me out a lot over the years and I've helped him too.
    via DangerousDisplay138
  • We're genuinely close. About a month ago I had to travel for work for a week and I asked Derek if he could stop by my place a couple times to feed my cat and make sure everything was okay.
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  • He said sure so I gave him my spare key. When I got back everything seemed fine.
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  • I thanked him and asked for the spare back, he handed it over. Then about a week later we're talking and he casually mentions like ots nothing that he made a copy of my key while he had it.
    via DangerousDisplay138
  • His exact vibe was "just in case" He said he didnt want to lose the only spare while I was out of town and also since I live alone its smart for someone to have a backup for emergencies.
    via DangerousDisplay138
  • He also said he meant to tell me about forgot. That immediately made me uncomfortable. I'm not even saying I think Derek is planning to do anything shady but I didnt ask him to copy my key and now he has access to my place indefinitely.
    via DangerousDisplay138
  • I asked if he still has the copy and he said yes but acted like I was being dramatic and said he'd never use it unless it was an emergency.
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  • Locksmith Lock Door Repair.
    via AndreyPopov

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I told him I'm not okay with that and asked him to give me the copied key.
    via DangerousDisplay138
  • He hesitated and said he didnt have it on him but he'd drop it off. A couple days go by and he doesnt.
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  • I brought it up again and he got annoyed and said I was acting like he broke into my house.
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  • He kept pushing the "it's for your safety" thing and said changing the locks would be paranoid abd a waste of money.
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  • What really tipped me over was I ran into Derek's girlfriend at the grocery store and she joked about my cat.
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  • I asked how she even knew about my cat and she said Derek showed her a video from inside my apartment when he was feeding him.
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  • Thats not illegal or anything but it made it click that my place is being treated casually and I dont like it.
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  • So I changed my locks. I told him afterward and I also told him I still want the copied key back even if it doesn't work now because the whole point is I never agreed to him having it.
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  • Now he's mad and says that he was trying to be responsible and that I basically told him I dont trust him.
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  • A couple mutual friends think I'm being dramatic because "its Derek. Others think making a copy without asking is a huge boundary issue.
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  • AITA for changing the locks over this?
    via DangerousDisplay138
  • According_Block3815 Oh I don't trust Derek! He's sly and snakey! I'd be searching your home for nanny cams and making sure he didn't set up any recording devices on your computer or TV to film you. He's gaslighting you instead of taking responsibility. He should of asked first. This is not an apologized and seek forgiveness later scenario. Good on you for changing locks! He could have easily assaulted you in your sleep!
    via According_Block3815
  • Rainbowbright31 NTA but I would have dropped it, not told him and not looked for the key back, it's the only way you ever would have known if he did try to use it. But that's hindsight, you are not wrong though
    via Rainbowbright31
  • emebuug NTA. Definitely weird, I probably wouldn't have even told him tho since it's "not a big deal" to him.
    via emebuug
  • waterstone55 NTA. And I don't think his gf saw a video. She was probably there with him. You don't mention having security cameras. If you don't, please get some. They are an important security device, especially for those living alone. ETA: I'd also keep an eye out for any identity theft issues. Your friend had proven that he can't be trusted.
    via waterstone55
  • Doggedart NTA I think someone having a spare to your place is a good idea, just in case of emergencies. But if you decide to give someone a key, its also your decision as to who you want to keep the key. And it will generally be someone who would never want to go into your house to start with. He way overstepped.
    via Doggedart
  • Only-Breadfruit-6108 NTA and quite frankly it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, only you.
    via Only-Breadfruit-6108

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keys door friendship privacy drama lock house tenant friends boundaries home apartment
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