Lifelong friend keeps claiming cat owner is mistreating their feline because she keeps the cat indoors only, keeps secretly trynig to let the cat out "to play", leading to a huge blow-up: '[She] and I are no longer friends'

Author image for Mariel Ruvinsky
Mariel Ruvinsky • Writer and Editor
Feb 12, 2026 10:00 AM EST

We know indoor-outdoor cats are a debate in the cat world, but can we all agree that forcing an indoor cat to go outside is definitely the wrong thing to do?

Personally, we support keeping cats indoors as much as possible. But we do see the other side of it. The cats that we have, we have all had from very young ages. It was early enough to change their habits so that staying only indoors wouldn't feel unnatural to them. But we can imagine that with other cats, it would be somewhat different. We can see how a stray rescued cat might have a problem with being locked indoors all the time. We can see how a cat that has been an outdoor cat their whole life might not take quite so easily to having it taken away from them. 

We get that deciding to make an outdoor can an indoor one would be a difficult decision, and sometimes an impossible one. Everyone will have to do what is best for their individual cat, in their specific circumstances, preferably while consulting a vet. It's not an easy decision to make, we know. But you know what is? When your friend tells you that their cat is an indoor one, do not attempt to let the cat out without their permission because of the side that you take in this debate. 

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  • 01

    "Me [27F] with my friend/future roommate [26F] (5 years) Keeps saying I am ab**ive to my cat because she is inside. Has tried to let the cat out several times 'to play.'"

    Picture of a cute cat with a blue collar.
    via Unsplash / Tracy Anderson

    Picture of a cute cat with a blue collar. 

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I have been friends with Kara for five years. I have known her a lot longer, as she went to my middle and high school. We were really different people back then, college really helped us grow as people. So I have been friends with her and lived with her in the dorms.
    via Direct-Caterpillar77
  • 03
    That said, I have a two year old cat, Lily, who I love. A lot of people tell me that I treat her like a child, since I worry about what she is eating, have annual check ups with the vet, buy her new toys. I leave music on for her when I have to leave the house.
    via Direct-Caterpillar77
  • 04
    I got her while living with my parents. They have a house with a completely bricked in backyard. My cat cannot jump very high so she couldn't get out. We could leave the backdoor open and she would come and go as she pleased. Now I live in a busy area with dogs running loose and its not a good idea to let her out on the porch even.
    via Direct-Caterpillar77
  • 05
    Kara needs to move out of her parents house quickly because her dad and mom are divorcing. They plan to sell the house in a month or so, and have told Kara she needs to figure out her own shit. So she has been asking around looking for a roommate. She has a good job and is fun to live with.
    via Direct-Caterpillar77
  • 06
    But the big issue is Lily. I also have my sister's cat (9 years old) living with me as well. My sister cannot have pets in her new apartment and her daughter is allergic, so I have adopted Rumple as well.
    via Direct-Caterpillar77
  • 07
    Rumple is declawed (my sister is dumb) and has never been outside.
    via Direct-Caterpillar77
  • 08
    When Kara comes over she will get up and walk towards the door when Lily goes near it. She says she is just used to letting animals out when they want and doesn't see why I am being abusive to a wild animal.
    via Direct-Caterpillar77
  • 09
    She says it in a jokey way, so it doesn't seem like she takes me seriously. I want to help Kara, but I am afraid if she lives with me she will let out both cats and I won't see them again. The next door unit has gone through several cats because their kids leave the door open and the cats get out, get hit. I have seen multiple animals d**d on the road just this week.
    via Direct-Caterpillar77
  • 10
    There are even signs up asking people to keep their animals inside because we have such a huge problem with animals fighting. Management has started getting animal control to pick up any stray pets wondering around the in the parking lot/park area.
    via Direct-Caterpillar77
  • 11
    I am not sure what to do. On one hand, I have two bedrooms and she needs help. On the other, she is going to get my pets taken from me and killed.
    via Direct-Caterpillar77
  • 12
    I would like to figure out a way to explain to her how her behavior is what is keeping her from moving in. Because even if she does 'listen' I am still afraid she will be an idiot and let them out "to play" and then they can run off. How do I handle this situation?
    via Direct-Caterpillar77
  • 13
    tl;dr: Me [27F] with my friend/future roommate [26F] (5 years) Keeps saying I am abusive to my cat because she is inside. Has tried to let the cat out several times "to play."
    via Direct-Caterpillar77
  • 14
    Picture of a cute cat with a blue collar lying on a windowsill.
    via Unsplash / Tracy Anderson

    Picture of a cute cat with a blue collar lying on a windowsill. 

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • If even at this point, when this person is not even living in your house and sharing your space yet, they already act as if they have any rights when it comes to your cat, trying to let the cat out without your permission, then you know for a fact that they would try to do it when they are living there. She seems to have no care about your boundaries and the rules that you set for your cat. She thinks she knows better. We call this entitlement. And stupidity. We're glad you decided not to let her into your home, because that was the only right decision to make.

  • 15
    Update March 22, 2015 (4 days later) The issue came to a head yesterday. Two things happened in the last few days.
    via Direct-Caterpillar77
  • 16
    The first: Kara and I are no longer friends.
    via Direct-Caterpillar77
  • 17
    Kara called me in tears begging me to take her dog. Her parents had decided to rehome Sammy with a family friend, who has kids and time to take care of him. Sammy is overweight, wild, and not housebroken. He is also cat aggressive.
    via Direct-Caterpillar77
  • 18
    Kara wanted to move him into the apartment before she even moved in, to prevent Sammy from getting "stolen from her."
    via Direct-Caterpillar77
  • 19
    I told her that it wasn't going to work out and the dog could not come. I tried to be nice about it, because she sounded really upset. I told her that Rumple and Lily were the only pets I was allowed to have in the apartment and I didn't really want anymore animals.
    via Direct-Caterpillar77
  • 20
    She told me to give Rumple back to my sister and let her bring Sammy.
    via Direct-Caterpillar77
  • 21
    When I tried to tell her no again, she hung up the phone. She called back an hour later, while I was getting ready for work. She left two scathing messages, about how I am a bad friend and Sammy needs her. I am not sure why she cares about the dog so much, because she neglected him in the first place.
    via Direct-Caterpillar77
  • 22
    She came by the apartment that evening to "talk it out" and have a "roommate meeting." The whole meeting was a joke. She talked down to me and said she was doing me a favor moving in (not really) and with the money she would be paying she should have one of the 'pet slots.' She wanted me to give Rumple back to my sister. She said it was the right thing to do.
    via Direct-Caterpillar77
  • 23
    I told her no. Which is to say I kind of tried to be nice about it but I finally got fed up with her and said, "Sorry but no Sammy."
    via Direct-Caterpillar77
  • 24
    I then told her we needed to talk about the whole moving in thing. It took me a few minutes to even get to the point, but I said I was going to be looking for a different roommate because I felt uncomfortable with the idea of her living there. She got upset and left.
    via Direct-Caterpillar77
  • 25
    She then blocked me on FB and Instagram. I only know this because she texted me that she blocked me. Then she said she hoped my cats ran away. Then she must have posted something about me "picking cats over her" because my friend Bekka called me to ask what I did to piss off Kara.
    via Direct-Caterpillar77
  • 26
    In the end, it worked out for the best. My cousin Ruby is coming into town soon and has been saying she is looking for a roommate. So I might suggest she live with me. Either way, Kara is no longer someone I am wasting time on.
    via Direct-Caterpillar77
  • 27
    tl;dr: Me [27F] with my friend/future roommate [26F] (5 years) Keeps saying I am abusive to my cat because she is inside. Has tried to let the cat out several times "to play." We talked it out and she was pissed I "chose cats" over her. Not sure I want to remain friends.
    via Direct-Caterpillar77
  • 28
    Picture of a cute cat with bright green eyes.
    via Unsplash / Tracy Anderson

    Picture of a cute cat with bright green eyes.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • It's sad, to lose a friend who you have been close to for so many years. But honestly, the sooner you know who they really are, the better. We can only imagine what it would be like if she were around when you had kids or the kind of advice that she would give you about relationships or married life. This is someone who only cares about themselves, with no regard to anyone else. And these kinds of people are not the kind that you want in your life - or around your cat. 

  • 29
    CelebKelvar Trash takes itself out again *slow clap* And the cats are now safe-ish for the forseeable future.
    via CelebKelvar
  • 30
    Lycaon-Ur "She said I was picking my cats over her." Sounds like she figured it out. And good choice, honestly.
    via Lycaon-Ur
  • 31
    Stopthinkingits Me OOPS cats saved her from being stuck with a horror roommate
    via StopthinkingitsMe

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Tags

drama interesting friends story breakup roommates Cats
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