18-year-old refuses to give her parents her car keys after they demand she leave her job to drive her 16-year-old and 14-year-old siblings around as a punishment for violating her strict curfew: 'The car is mine, a gift from my grandmother that I pay for'

An 18-year-old high school senior clashes with her parents after refusing to rearrange her job schedule to chauffeur her younger siblings.

Getting your first car is a thing of joy; finally, the freedom to explore the world on your own, outside of your parents' watchful eyes. It feels like that fantastical world of "adulthood" that you've been dreaming of all your life has finally opened up to you, and everything is going to be smooth sailing from here. From the first moment that you hold those keys in your hands, you feel like the whole world has opened up to you, no more waiting for rides from your parents, with their careful analysis of where they're dropping you off and whether or not it's safe, and who you're going to be spending time with. You are simply free to come and go as you please, so long as you follow your parents' rules about curfew; it is their house after all.

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  • AITA for refusing to give my parents my keys after I refused to drive my siblings everywhere

    118F live with my parents and my two siblings (16&14.) I recently got into trouble for breaking curfew (20 minutes late by the way, with a text in advance.) Even though I'm legally adult, I just turned 18 a few weeks ago.
    via Warm-Advisor-1733
  • A young woman wearing blue jeans sits in her convertible car with a smile on her face.
    via bruce mars

    A smiling young woman sits in her car.

     

    The image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Of course, as you're about to learn, freedom is just another prison, and being an adult is more about ever-increasing responsibility and tasks to complete than anything else.

    As your parents ask you to run more errands for them and to run your siblings around town, you will quickly realize that you grossly underestimated just what a huge time investment all of this is for your parents:  dropping you and your siblings off at places for sports or recreational activities, just to come and pick you up a short while later. Now, as you're doing all of this, you're really starting to appreciate and grow frustrated at how time-consuming and costly (gas money doesn't grow on trees) all of this is.

    Still, this should be treated as a responsibility, not a punishment; framing it that way was never going to get any teen or young adult to agree to it, and it's really just not the right way to go about assigning that chore or punishing for violating curfew. 

    This all came to a head in this account of events, where this 18-year-old shared how she had broken curfew by 20 minutes while living at her parents' house. Despite having texted ahead to let her parents know she would be late, she was saddled with the "punishment" of being her parents' personal chauffeur to and from their respective jobs and babysitting gigs. The fact that achieving this wasn't possible according to her own work schedule led her parents to suggest she merely adjust her work hours to compensate. This, of course, would go over like a lead balloon with her employer, and as you can imagine, employers that employee young adults like this simply hate being told by parents when their staff can and can't work. 

    The fact that they are trying to intervene and get her fired from her job seems like a method of maintaining control over her. At 18 years old, she should be able to work her job without her parents interfering just to inflict some misguided form of punishment; that really is the core of the issue here. That and even though she is still in high school, at 18 years old, she should be granted more self-determination over her curfew than she currently is.

  • I'm still in highschool I graduate this year. One of my punishments were to drive my siblings everywhere instead of them. My 16 year old brother works and my 14 year old sister does babysitting. My parents wanted me to drive them back and forth from that. I told them I wouldn't be able to do that everyday because I have a job, they told me to schedule around it. That wouldn't be possible, and they would not listen.
    via Warm-Advisor-1733
  • I warned them again day of, I went in at 2 and got off at 10. I told them I wouldn't be able to bring my sister to the house she was sitting at or my brother home from work, even though I did drop him off on my way to work. They told me I had too. When I got to work I just muted my phone.
    via Warm-Advisor-1733
  • Afterwork I had several missed calls from everyone. When I got home my parents did end up picking up my brother and my sister. We got into a huge argument and said as long as I was in school and under their roof I have to follow their parenting, I told them that I already told them that wouldn't
    via Warm-Advisor-1733
  • be possible. My mother told me then I had to give her my keys if I couldn't be responsible. This started even a larger argument. The car is mine, a gift from my grandmother that I pay for every month. My parents do not help me. I told her absolutely not,
    via Warm-Advisor-1733
  • and she told me I needed to since I couldn't follow simple rules of picking up my siblings and leaving them stranded. I refused and went to my room,
    via Warm-Advisor-1733
  • my mom sent me a huge text how she was extending my punishment (added more things for me to do) and how if I kept this up I'd be out as soon as I graduated (which I'm trying to save to do anyways.) Now my parents are both still mad at me and so are my siblings. AITA
    via Warm-Advisor-1733
  • OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a hole: I refused to pick up my siblings and give my parents my keys which resulted in even bigger issues. My mother extended my punishment and told me I better be out by the time I graduated. Everyone is mad at me. Maybe I am the ah because it's their house
    via Warm-Advisor-1733
  • meghan9436 This isn't about breaking your curfew. This is about control. If you didn't break your curfew, your parents would have found some other excuse to "punish" you. You just turned 18, and you have a job. You're well on your way to getting independence from them. There's a couple of factors at play here. Your parents are using your siblings to sabotage your job. No company will tolerate last minute schedule changes, or no shows regardless of the reason. Unless there's a real life or death
    via Warm-Advisor-1733
  • Spiritual-Handle2983 NTA. Is it at all possible you could live with a friend or another relative until you graduate?
    via Warm-Advisor-1733
  • Edcrfvh NTA. Don't really care what you did. Your parents demands are unreasonable. Do they want you to lose your job? Because that's what it sounds like. Also, that's a weird punishment. It's less punishment and more dumping their responsibilities on you. You're 18. Maybe you should check and see if you can live with a more reasonable relative.
    via Warm-Advisor-1733
  • probably_crafting They gave you a punishment for something that was impossible to do, then further punished you by attempting to take away your property. Hopefully your name is on the car title. You clearly communicated that you could not drive your siblings, because of your commitment to work. They refused to listen to it. Did they expect you to get penalized at work for leaving early? NTA, and good for you for standing your ground.
    via Warm-Advisor-1733
  • coffeejj NTA. Move in with your grandparents.
    via Warm-Advisor-1733
  • A_little_more_left If you're in the US, your parents CANNOT legally kick you out immediately. If they really want you out, make them evict you. That should give you some time to find housing. DO NOT voluntarily leave until you're actually ready. NTA they're stupid for acting like you're job isn't as important as being a taxi for your siblings.
    via Warm-Advisor-1733
  • External_Dark_3959 Live-in nanny?
    via Warm-Advisor-1733
  • BilbaoBaddie NTA Something similar happened to me when I was a teenager and I moved in with my aunt. Be prepared for the possibility of having to move out earlier.
    via Warm-Advisor-1733

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