19-year-old aunt spends $3500 on her niece's 15th birthday and $100 on her nephew's 10th birthday, family criticizes her for not 'loving' her niece and nephew equally: 'My nephew loved his gifts for his birthday.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Feb 25, 2026 8:00 PM EST

Any 19-year-old who spends that much on a present is already the best aunt ever!

You can't expect a young adult who has just started working to afford extravagant birthday presents for their relatives. They might choose to buy things beyond their budget because they live at home and don't necessarily "need" the money to support themselves. At ages 18 and 19, most young people with jobs use their funds for gas, car insurance, and "fun" things. If their fun stuff involves buying elaborate gifts for all their friends and family, I think that's wonderful! 

When someone gets you a gift, no matter how old they are or how much money they have, you should show your gratitude. If your aunt gets your son a nice gift for his birthday, you shouldn't criticize her and tell her that she should've gotten him a "better" gift. It's completely inappropriate, even if the gift isn't right for the occasion! If someone gives you a butter dish from Target at your wedding? You'd better say thank you! You have every right to judge them for that gift for the rest of your life, but you should never express your lack of gratitude to the gift-giver's face. After all, they did not have to come to your wedding, and they did not have to buy you a butter dish! They did those things out of the kindness of their heart, and you should be grateful for that! 

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  • A young woman in a blue Quinceañera dress holding a flower
    via Hector Reyes

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The aunt in this story is an incredibly generous person. She spent $3,500 on her niece's quinceañera and gave her 10-year-old nephew $100 worth of toys for his birthday! Most people would feel lucky to have a young lady like her in their family, but the men in her family have a weird male ego about her gift-giving.

  • Am I wrong for spending more on my niece's quince than my nephews 10th birthday?

    I (19f) work part- time and study full- time. My cousin(f33) has a daughter that's about to turn 15 and a boy that turned 10 in September.
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  • I got the boy I decent gift, I got him a baseball board game + baseball cards, totaling to slightly under $100.
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  • Person in white shirt sitting beside table with puzzle game
    via Karthik Balakrishnan

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • For my niece I am in charge of her last doll but she requested a Stitch plush instead so I got her a jumbo one from Build-a-Bear which cost me about $180 after taxes and shipping expenses.
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  • I also made her a flower and money Bouquet with $75, and I chipped in $200 for her party tent that costed $3500.
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  • Now I am receiving backlash from my family for not "loving" my niece and nephew the same.
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  • My family has always favored the boys since there is only 3 girls born into the family so I wanted to help make my nieces quince special for her.
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  • Am I wrong for favoring her more? I know my nephew gets spoiled by the rest of the family in a way she doesn't so to me it feels like I have the right to favor her the way I was never favored.
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  • Edit: I made this post while on my break. I picked up my niece and nephew from their school after work and took them out to watch a movie and ice cream.
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  • I spoke to my nephew, he is not upset with me whatsoever. He loved his gifts for his birthday and I was the only one in the family who actually got him the gifts he wanted which for a kid means more than how much money I spent.
    via u/Cute_Traffic_3861
  • Cute Indian child wearing eyeglasses
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The ones who are upset are the adults(his dad, my male cousins, even a few of my aunts), not my nephew.
    via u/Cute_Traffic_3861
  • chronicallyillnbored NTA Tell your family how unfair they treat the girls and say you are just trying to even it out. Plus you were just trying to help out with what is a very expensive event so if they would like to pay you back for your contributions then they should. See what they say about that lol.
    via u/chronicallyillnbored
  • Cute Traffic_3861 Original Poster's Reply Haha I don't think they would like the idea of paying me back, I think I should have mentioned in the original post that they are against my niece having such a big party.
    via u/Cute_Traffic_3861
  • Other-Listen3217 NTA your a kind loving person that gave them something instead of nothing. People only see $$$$$ it should not be like that. People need to open their eyes and be glad that they have someone in their life that cares about them...... not everyone has that
    via u/Other-Listen3217
  • Cute Traffic_3861 Original Poster's Reply Honestly thank you for that, I wanted to help her out because I know what it felt like to not have much support from my extended family but I feel like maybe I went about it the wrong way after seeing how angry they all were at me for spending money on her even though I also spent weeks making the decorations and planning so many little details out to make it special. But all they complained about was the money and not the time I put into it.
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  • glib_result are the biggest complainers from a culture that doesn't have quinceañeras?
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  • Cute Traffic_3861 Original Poster's Reply We are all mexican/salvadoran both cultures are big on quince's but since my family consists of mostly men, they don't love quinceañeras. In my generation there is 35 men and only 2 girls (me and my cousin which is the mom of my niece) born in the family.
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  • Purple_Mine_1676 Offer to replace the boys gift with another quince. Equal love, or something. Jokes aside, I am surprised that the parents would expect you to chip in for the party supplies, that's their area.
    via u/Purple_Mine_1676
  • Cute Traffic_3861 Original Poster's Reply I don't know if maybe it's just my family but we are all expected to chip in in some shape way or form. I chose to chip in more than the others did because she's my closest family member.
    via u/Cute_Traffic_3861
  • OkSecretary1231 Info: are the complaining family members from a different branch of the family than the quince is being thrown by? Because it seems silly to me that the family would throw an expensive quince in the first place if they were then just going to complain about people getting involved in it.
    via u/OkSecretary1231
  • Cute Traffic_3861 Original Poster's Reply It's their dad (married into the family) and other male family members (my brothers and cousins) that are complaining about how much I am helping out with her quince because I didn't help as much with my nephews birthday.
    via u/Cute_Traffic_3861
  • Critical-Champion365 Why are people not addressing the weighing of presents by monetary value here?
    via u/Critical-Champion365
  • Cute Traffic_3861 Original Poster's Reply i didn't mean it in a way that I was doing that, sorry if it did come off that way. Monetary value is what my family is complaining about because they aren't complaining about the weeks of work I put into my niece's decorations and party details, just how much money i put into it.
    via u/Cute_Traffic_3861
  • Calm_Ad_4633 Off topic how do you make so much money at 19
    via u/Calm_Ad_4633
  • Cute Traffic_3861 Original Poster's Reply i make $1200 a month but I'm good at budgeting and i was saving up money to buy her a good gift for her quinceañera since I pay for school and my car
    via u/Cute_Traffic_3861
  • CoverCharacter8179 Not being Latino I don't know how well qualified I am to comment on this, but it would seem to me that a quinceañera party is a bigger deal than a random birthday, and it wouldn't be weird to spend more money on that even if you weren't trying to make up for a history of gender discrimination in the family. NTA. I can't resist mentioning that a quince is a pear-like fruit and yes, it would be a problem if you bought your niece a piece of fruit and spent more on it then your ne
    via u/CoverCharacter8179
  • Cute Traffic_3861 Original Poster's Reply Sorry I hadn't even though about "quince" being a fruit but idk if I can even edit that out anymore lol. But yes a quince does tend to be on a larger scale in most latino families, my family just tends to dislike them.
    via u/Cute_Traffic_3861
  • OkSecretary1231 Is he doing a party as elaborate as a quinceanera for this 10th birthday?
    via u/OkSecretary1231
  • Cute Traffic_3861 Original Poster's Reply It was a big party because they wanted to celebrate double digits but it was at a public park with classmates, not nearly as elaborate as a quinceañera
    via u/Cute_Traffic_3861
  • KnockedSphere51 Why are you even spending that much? I would get like a card with 15 dollars in it from uncles and aunts bruh, and that was enough.
    via u/KnockedSphere51
  • Cute Traffic_3861 Original Poster's Reply i love my niece and nephew, I tend to spoil both of them since I have been babysitting them since i was 12
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complaining kids birthday teenagers quinceanera niece aunt family nephew money
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