Newlywed woman finds out her husband okayed his entire family staying 5-6 weeks in their small 2-bedroom apartment without asking her, leaving her feeling trapped and ready to flee to her parents

A freshly married couple still figuring out how to share a closet. Tiny two-bedroom apartment in furnace weather. Then a full guest list sneaks in through the group chat. Parents-in-law, sister-in-law, her husband, and a kid. Five to six weeks. Not a long weekend not a quick visit. An entire season of television, but in real life and with zero writers

This story makes me think marriage really should come with brochures like the ones nursing homes or private schools used to have, only with an extra section titled surprise extended family residency not included, but absolutely will happen

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  • Upset woman standing outdoors with her hand on her temple while facing a man during a tense conversation.
    via Nicoleta Ionescu

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • WIBTAH if I went to stay with my parents for a couple of weeks because my husband’s family planned a 5-6 week stay in our 2BHK without asking me?

    I (29F) got married in December (less than 3 months as of today) after being with my husband (29M) for almost 7 years.
    via Majestic-One6602
  • One thing I've always been very clear about with him, both before and after marriage, is that I need my space and that decisions about people staying in our home should involve both of us.
    via Majestic-One6602
  • Recently I found out that his sister, her husband, their child, and my in- laws have all booked tickets to come stay with us.
    via Majestic-One6602
  • That's about 5-6 weeks. I would be more than happy to host them for 1-2 weeks but 5-6 weeks seems too overwhelming at this stage.
    via Majestic-One6602
  • The part that really upset me is that no one asked me beforehand. I only found out after everything was already booked.
    via Majestic-One6602

  • This story is great and infuriating in many ways, but what I find the “funniest”  is the way consent gets retrofitted after the fact. Tickets are booked, dates decided, sleeping arrangements implied, and only then does anyone casually drop how long they are staying. Apparently, the new household policy is inform not ask. Somewhere in there the phrase our home quietly shifts into his family’s base camp.

  • Stressed woman sitting on a couch with her hand on her forehead while a man sits in the background facing away after an argument.
    via fizkes

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • That too when it was asked that how long they were planning to stay. We live in a 2- bedroom apartment in is an extremely hot climate, and this will mean 7 people total in the house in peak summer.
    via Majestic-One6602
  • My husband will be at work most of the day, so I'll be the one at home with everyone.
    via Majestic-One6602
  • There are also lifestyle differences. My in-laws are strict vegetarians (they won't even let us make eggs at home), while my husband and I both eat non- veg as a staple diet.
    via Majestic-One6602
  • I already know I'll have to adjust what I eat at home, what I wear around the house, and generally how I live for that entire time.
    via Majestic-One6602
  • What hurts more is that this isn't the first time we've discussed boundaries. For years my husband told me he understood that I need space and that he would handle these things with his family.
    via Majestic-One6602

  • Add in the lifestyle remix. The in-laws are strict vegetarians with bonus moral authority. No eggs in the house. Meanwhile, the actual residents live on non-veg and thought their kitchen was theirs. Six weeks of performing someone else’s diet, dress code, and behavioral standards in what is supposed to be the safest room on the map. That is less hospitality and more low-budget re-education retreat.

  • This was the one deal breaker from my end but he always assured me he would make sure I never have to be put in situations like this.
    via Majestic-One6602
  • But when I brought this up again after finding out about the visit, his response was basically: "What do you want me to do, everything is already booked?" For context, I also moved away from my own family and friends to live where he works, so this house is pretty much my entire world right now.
    via Majestic-One6602
  • At this point I'm honestly feeling really hurt and disrespected. It feels like decisions about my own home were made without me.
    via Majestic-One6602

  • Her family and friends are on the opposite side of the country. This apartment is not just a home. It is the entire social universe. Turning it into a six-week hostel run by his relatives is not a small inconvenience. It is a full-scale occupation of the only space that actually belongs to her.

  • Thoughtful young woman sitting on a couch while holding and examining a ring, looking concerned or conflicted.
    via Vitaly Gariev

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I'm considering going to stay with my parents for a couple of weeks while they're here just to get some space, but they live on the other side of the country so it's not a small trip, and I'm not sure spending that much would be financially advisable.
    via Majestic-One6602

  • For years, he sells the dream. He gets it. He respects space. He will run interference. This is the non-negotiable boundary. Then the moment arrives and the response is a shrug dressed up as diplomacy. What can he do? Everything is already booked. As if airline confirmation emails have more authority than his spouse.

  • Also to add, his parents keep coming to visit us for 7-10 days every other month anyways.
    via Majestic-One6602

  • The tension is not about being anti-family. It is about watching every promise of partnership fold the second his side wants something. Boundaries were discussed in theory. Now the experiment is live, and suddenly she is the only person expected to adjust.

  • This was also not discussed with me but in good faith I adjusted. How would you handle something like this?
    via Majestic-One6602
  • Adorable_Walk_31 >found out that his sister, her husband, their child, and my in- laws have all booked tickets to come stay with us. Six weeks? All those people and a crying baby? What? No way. >7 people total in the house in peak summer. Not happening.
    via Majestic-One6602
  • Majestic-One6602 Original Poster's Reply I can't even begin to imagine how I would live in these circumstances.
    via Majestic-One6602
  • ApprehensiveBook4214 NTA. Tell your husband he can tell his family you (as a couple, not just you making you the bad guy) aren't able to host them. Or I'd be staying elsewhere the entirety of their trip. Let him do all the work of hosting while also working. Maybe he'll stop being ok with the long/frequent visits when he's the one inconvenienced. You get that you weren't told exactly so your husband can say they're already booked everything right? Also it's sounding like this only started after
    via Majestic-One6602
  • Majestic-One6602 Original Poster's Reply He keeps saying this won't happen next time, we'll set boundaries. But I'm afraid the situation would be same next time as well, he's very non confrontational and I have to nag him into discussing these things with his parents. It feels like the burden is always on me.
    via Majestic-One6602
  • oh_hell_know As someone who's lived in a 2BR for 20 years with my partner, if he sprung all my in-laws on me in this manner, I'd pack my stuff and GTFO. If he can't stand up to the leading parent's entitlement (in my case it would be my MIL) then he would never stand up for me in the first place. I'm feeling vicarious rage for you right now. (clearly NTA).
    via Majestic-One6602
  • Majestic-One6602 Original Poster's Reply I broke down last night and am so angry at him, we haven't spoken since.
    via Majestic-One6602
  • Adorable_Walk_31 How would that even technically work? 3-4 per bedroom? Military style cots and no A/C. People sh\*tting themselves in the morning as they wait for the bathroom. What a life! LMAO
    via Majestic-One6602
  • Majestic-One6602 Original Poster's Reply We will probably be asked to sleep on the floor or share the bedrooms. I don't know what they were even thinking.
    via Majestic-One6602
  • da8Bitkid Bro you have no boundaries and your "deal breaker" means nothing. Do you know what a "deal breaker" means? Your in-laws visit and invite themselves to your home every 2 weeks. I am not the kind of person that needs "space", but that's even too much for me. Have a serious talk with your husband and establish real boundaries, get used to it & shut up, or leave. Those are your only options.
    via Majestic-One6602
  • Majestic-One6602 Original Poster's Reply I think I've let things slide out of respect for his family for a bit too long. Won't let this instance slide.
    via Majestic-One6602
  • MidtownBrown68 Can tickets not be changed?
    via Majestic-One6602
  • Majestic-One6602 Original Poster's Reply They can, he just won't ask his parents.
    via Majestic-One6602
  • ApprehensiveAd2149 NTAH You have a husband problem. He needs to fix this, if he doesn't, it shows how little he respects you and your wishes/needs. This probably won't get better. You need to decide if this is something that you can live with for the rest of your married life, because it looks like your husband will allow this to continue to happen.
    via Majestic-One6602
  • SDBlue68 Not only that.... They will tell her what she can and can't cook in her own home!!!
    via Majestic-One6602
  • imartie Wait, "Also to add, his parents keep coming to visit us for 7-10 days every other month anyways." This on top of a 5-6 week stay? Do these people not have jobs? I would NEVER inconvenience anyone with this extended stay!! You have only been married for three months and this how your husband respects your home and boundaries? Sweetie, with all the kindness in my heart I am telling you to draw the line and be firm! Tell him either they make alternative plans either by staying only one week
    via Majestic-One6602

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